The Lost Art of Bedazzling
I love the Bedazzler. What a great way to add new life to something old – and NO, I don’t mean ME. I think adding little rhinestones to the back pocket of my jeans is cool, plus it says, "Look at my ass" without saying, "Juicy." That is always a good thing. I think the Bedazzler is highly underrated among those cultural icons, Chia Pet and Lite Brite. Chia pets and Lite Brites , not without charm, just don’t have the same ability to transform a Whole Foods recyclable shopping bag into a veritable disco ball of packable indulgence. Bedazzling is so easy, even kids can do it. And trust me, people will buy what you bedazzle and you can Bedazzle just about anything almost anywhere and in any rainbow of colors – making it more effective than religion and the Democrats. Plus, I love sparkly things. OMG – is that Shaquille O’Neil?Helloween
This morning, my six-year-old told me he wanted to be Jason (Of Friday the 13th fame), Freddy (‘cause what I need is a Nightmare on my Street), or The Devil (self-explanatory and probably psychologically appropriate) for Halloween. I just looked at him standing there in his little Big Papi hoodie, all precious and sociopathic … Mama’s Little Unibomber.
Now that’s a good idea – I think I already have the stuff for that costume.
And people wonder why I drink. That kid and I are an episode of Criminal Minds waiting to happen.
I Had A Dream
Taylor Swift and I were involved in a coup to assassinate Mamhoud Ahmadinejad. The plan was for me to add a vial of vile poison to the popular soft drink, Sprite and for Taylor to serve it to him with his lunch. Fortunately, my dreams are familiar with the format of Law & Order and just as I was about to pour the toxin into the soda I instinctively realized that the cops were ransacking my house, tearing through my trash cans looking for the receipt from PoisonMart which, of course, they would find, implicating me, exposing the plot, and thereby setting off a series of international disasters.
I suppose I am dreaming of Swift because I saw her last week in Tulsa with 5 screaming teenage girls. It was wonderful. Not as good as the Jonas Brothers, but I do believe I would rather have Taylor as my accomplice in a plot to assassinate a world leader. For one thing, she is a master of innumerable costume changes. I’d say she would probably have to change clothes at least three times between me pouring in the poison and Mahmoud actually unwrapping his straw. Now I admit, Joe Jonas is good at the sexy-jacket-removal technique, but that’s really no competition for a girl who goes from band nerd or majorette (another lost art) to club chic to Renaissance darling to garden club meeting. If Cher hadn’t replaced all her innards with robot parts, I think she would probably appreciate the costuming prowess of Swift.
Upon careful (and awake) analysis, I think we could have taken him.
The Three Muskateers of Douchebaggery
Get a load of this - Joe "YOU LIE!" Wilson was in Springfield, MO to speak at a Republican fundraiser with my congressman, Roy Blunt on Saturday night. I read someplace that the organizer said, he was "lucky to nab Wilson right after his outburst." Can't you just imagine them all sitting down to their low rent, hundred-a-head dinner of chicken divan, canned green beans and banana pudding. The Missouri Republicans call themselves the "Republican branch of the Republican Party" ... I just call them assholes.
So that's what's on my mind this morning. What's up with you?
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iamsurly
Anne Cameron Cutri
Greg Correll
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Comments
BBE~ It was all Taylor Swift's idea, I was simply in it for the money.
I dreamed that I was forced to work at Disney on some sort of work release program. (Clearly, I must have gone to jail for something.) I remember, in the dream, wandering through the tunnels and opening various doors, looking for Demi Lovato so that I could give her a pizza delivery. It was very strange. Plus, I never found out why I went to jail (or should I say Dream Jail). I woke up wanting a pizza and decided not to let my child watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse that day.
Chuck ~Good on that trademark. It will be a very hot seller.
Julie :) I promise - no belts!!! But that mask thing - now that's just brilliant!!!
And I am SO excited my niece told me who Taylor Swift is. . .something about her being invited to the wedding when she, my niece, and Joe Jonas get married. . . .
Lost in love w this post!
You have certainly hit the nail on the head with that last tag, Ann. Remember, it's always five o'clock SOMEWHERE.
*Clink*
Do dreams just keep getting weirder the older we get???!!!
I'd rate this R-50x if they'd let me!
Mamoore : ) She WOULD love a Bedazzler. It’s lots of fun! I am also serving the Tikka Masala right now! Hahahahaha World peace sounds good … is that by Zynga? ; )
Owl … it is festive … If my post was Boggle – you would be the instant winner!!!
Roger ~ if only you knew that little scamp! Oh man – as for that wedding – prepare for some fireworks and I’m not talking about the kind the shoot off when the happy couple drives away! Heehee
Gary … she’s got serious problems – and I am always under the influence (?)
Bill S …. You would make a really cute Taylor – but I have to warn you, if a Sarah Palin comes knocking on my door, she’s getting a sack full of pitbulls (w/o lipstick)
Jenshrader ~ occasionally mine are more clear than real life.
Wooly … you know you love it! I will consider an avatar change just for you.
L&P – YES! My dreams are getting weirder and weirder. WTF? I hate those cereal killer rabbits too. I mean seriously – TRIX are for kids!!!
Cap’n ~ that is hard to top … but where there’s a will, there’s a way – I’ll be in touch.
Rod ~ THANK YOU! And glad you got a good laugh. They would have to call it ADD TV, but the people who like it would probably forget it was on and ratings would slip and then it would be cancelled … I swear, Shaq is everywhere. : )
My favorite Halloween was when I dressed my 6 year old (Girl) up as Marilyn Monroe. She really prissed around, too -- she was a girly-girl for one night anyway.
Thanks for the chuckles.
I want a beadazzler...E-Bay, here I come! You are too funny, and I want some of that breakfast, too.
I'm planning on being a bitch for Halloween. I've already got the costume.
SHAQ IS HERE! With me and LeBron! In Cleveland!
uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh
I think you could have taken Ahmedinejad down too, but I suppose one mustn't corrupt the younger generation.
Darn it! All this setting a good example crap really cramps a criminal mastermind's style.
Rated.