My ornery grandmother Frances watched Days of Our Lives every day when I was a girl.  It was as much a part of the day as lunch or taking a bath.  Though we didn’t really pay much attention as children, I started to enjoy it as a teen and was… Read full post »

My dissatisfaction with you has begun to take on proportions I could have never imagined.

You roll out of bed like the world owes you something for simply … waking.  Please, put on your satin robe and realize that it does not.  In fact, it’s you that owes the world someth/… Read full post »

I am posting this for someone here on OpenSalon that is well-known, well-loved and uses her real name. After you read this, you will understand the obvious reasons she could not post it on her blog. Please keep in mind when commenting that SHE wrote this, not me. She will be readi… Read full post »

Saturday:

The soccer socks that were washed inside out still have grass on them.

We can only find three of the four needed shin gaurds.

I burnt the cinnamon rolls.

We’re out of orange juice.

It’s cold outside and the wind is blowing.

I only packed 2 (instead of 12)… Read full post »

Disclaimer:  I don’t really live on the “real” Wisteria Lane, but I promise you, it’s the next best thing.

Last Saturday was Yard Sale Day – the day everyone in the community gets together and sells all their crap.  The ladies of Wisteria Lane love Yard S/… Read full post »

Dr. Amy posted a piece today about teenagers, sex, and music. 

I've been thinking about it entirely too much ~ because the right music will get me in the sack anytime (even if the Daily Show is on or there's a giant platter of chocolate eclairs on the table) ...… Read full post »

I long for a magnificent box full of silvery magic that I could use to heal you. 

Inside, there would be hundreds of potions in tiny crystal bottles, etched by lightning bolts and filled by angels.  There would be restorative salves of rosebud and lemongrass and soothing elixir/… Read full post »

Today is September 22 and I am already sick of Halloween. I am sick of triggering that stupid cackling witch in Walgreen’s. I am sick of the 7-foot Mummy at Sam’s Club. I am sick of getting candy corn stuck to the bottom of my foot. I am sick of the… Read full post »

Facebook offers these wonderful little quizzes to help their consumers answer many deep and burning questions they might have about themselves.  The quizzes are quick and easy and don’t require a co-pay or any follow up visits.  

Read full post »

 come blow me baby

forbidden and delightful

spring fever beckons

Dr. Spineless Douchebag, 

I would like to take a moment to say how irritated I am with the postponement of the viewing of the President’s speech today.  I find it very odd that we received such an assuring robo-call from you last week, only to be followed up with a… Read full post »

Me:  “Hello.”

Him:  “What’s wrong?  You sound kind of crazy.

Me:  (In my head)  Hell yhea, I ‘m kind of crazy … because you’re sacked out at the f’ing Ritz Carlton after a fancy-schmancy dinner and the first of man/… Read full post »

 “I don’t like you.”     

It surprised me … how lightly and easily

it tripped from precious little angel lips.

 “I don’t like you.”     

It surprised me … how much it stung

my soul… Read full post »

The night they put you in the ambulance, I pretended not to be scared.  I had almost convinced myself that everything was going to be fine, that you were just overheated and dehydrated, but when they veered off the road, halfway there, dust almost consuming you, that became impossible.  I s/… Read full post »

I must live in one of the most homeo-ethnic (is that a word?) areas in the United States:  Southwest Missouri.  The current statistics on our town show us to be 96% white, 0% African American, 2% Hispanic, and 2% Mixed Race.  The county of 116,000 is 94% White, 2% African American,/… Read full post »

What if a tornado took me to Oz

and left Dorothy brewing at Aunt Em.

Wet meets dry, spinning clouds, throwing thunder,

and I’m off the ground, light as a feather.

Would you even notice my departure?

No seatbelts to buckle, just departure.

Where is that yel… Read full post »

I swear, twice today, I thought I had been shot with a poison dart or stung by a gigantic African bee.  Once on my back and once on the back of my arm … a quick stab of pain … you know, the kind that you instinctively slap, for lack of/… Read full post »

In my waltz

You are bass

You keep time

While I race

Tripping through

Life in notes

One, two, three

One, two, three

I never

Fall from grace

You hold me

In my place

Dancing like

Anna’s ghost

One, two, three

One, two, three

Without your

Steady face

Time sliding… Read full post »

Barbie, the original Fashionista and controversial American icon was found dead today, on her 50th anniversary of her exceptional life. Barbie had an astounding professiona… Read full post »

(several years ago)

We sat down on the couch.  I started to cry.  Cry might not really convey what I was doing … maybe the right word is “sob”.  No … not really … I started to “wail” … yes, that’s it, I started to wail.&nb… Read full post »

that

love was

a hot summer

happiness lifting

smells of Coppertone

gleaming silver moonlight

reflecting in the rise and fall

rippling on a drought stained river

shushing shrill staccato symphonies

of fat crickets and rusty old john boats

easing and thumping against each other… Read full post »

Tonight I was listening to all of the talking heads on network news talking to all of the talking heads in Washington D. C. and I had a brilliant idea.  What if we put the PTA in charge of national healthcare?  We find the most aggressive and outspoken soccer/… Read full post »

I went up to make the beds and discovered this:

Yes, that's Darth Vader piloting the F-25.  He and Captain Jack Sparrow appear to be planning a missle attack.  Mission Accomplished.

 For some hard facts on the state of things today, visit:

Dennis Loo

Behind Blue Eyes

Lis… Read full post »