Several recent stories have prompted some deep thought about a subject that bothers me: Are men in many societies so out of control that special protections, not to mention numerous restrictions, are required for women all over the world? Is it that difficult for men to get a handle on their wildest impulses and put a lid on it, especially when those impulses are unwelcome, disrespectful, dangerous, and even, at times, inhumane? Put another way: can't men learn to keep it in their pants?

In India, it's become so difficult for women to commute to work without getting groped, hassled, or hit on that the government has added women-only commuter trains in India's four largest cities. Two-thirds of Egyptian men admit to harrassing women.In Jerusalem, another kind of harrassment is taking place: ultra-Othodox modesty patrols have taken to beating women they deem immodest or unchaste.

 These aren't autocracies or theocracies, where civil laws dictate what women may do, what they may wear, where they may go, and whether they can work or study. These are democracies. 

In our own country, women have far more independence, of course. Yet, as male elected officials continue to publicly humiliate their wives while lying about    how they spend their constituents’ time and money, I still wonder bout respect, especially when the gentlemen caught are by and large  ready to blame either the woman at home or the one seen on the sly (for an interesting exception, see the "love" story starring Mark Sanders).

I know a consensual affair between two adults is not the same as deliberate subjugation of an entire group based on gender; perhaps sexual harassment isn’t an automatic pathway to violence against women. Yet none of these stories is really about sex, but rather about power: who's got it, who's perceived as having it, and what has to be done about it. The men have the strength to treat the women badly but the women have the power to bring the men low -to attract, distract, or seduce them; to yank  them away from their families, their jobs, their studies, or their vows and reduce them to sniveling, quivering powerless beings. In the end, then, the men have no choice but to beat or shame or humiliate or cover up or lock away or, if necessary use their women. That's the theory, anyway.

I like, respect, and sometimes love most of the men I know and have known. I don't like feeling ticked off at the entire gender; surely they aren't all like this. In fact, my male friends tell me they know the difference between attraction and action; they say they like strong women. They also admit they think with their balls as often as they think with their brains. I believe them. 

One thing I know: these stories are connected but not because they're about love or relationships or sex, at least not the way I'd like to think about it.