"scary"

My next door neighbor's son Jason was crestfallen when he got the memo  from school about this year's Halloween celebration: no vampires, no zombies, no monsters, no devils; no swords or stakes or axes or ropes or hockey masks with breathing holes. Forget the fake blood or the green slime or the dripping claws or the sticky cobwebs or the black goo or dressing like his horror film namesake. "Positive images only," said the school memo, with helpful suggestions like "Winnie the Poo,  Cinderella, Tinkerbell, or Marley" (presumably  before his death scene). To make things worse, no weapons of any kind, even for the heroes. What's a nine year old boy to do?

I volunteered to brainstorm with the boy one afternoon, little suspecting that Jason had already assembled a list of potential figures he could impersonate.

I felt a kind of sickening dread as I scanned the list. My heart pounded against my ribcage as my breath caught in my throat. The sound of blood roared in my ears and for a moment I couldn't see. 

"How did you come up with these names?" I managed to whisper. 

"Pretty good, right?" Jason asked slyly.

These are the list of possible Halloween costumes each and every one designed to strike fear into the hearts of most sane...adults.

The Financier Bernie Madoff               

The Balloon Boy

An airline pilot with a laptop    

Mark Sanford or Rod Blagojevich

Sarah Palin (as author) or Kate Gosselin (as talk show host)