I've been afraid of something or other for most of my life. When I was a kid, it was dogs off-leash, were-wolves, unexplained deaths, prejudice, and world unrest. For a while it was about never finding love, never being relevant, never finding my passion. Now it's guns carried openly, hatred advertised freely, genocide practiced routinely, and financial systems regulated indiscriminately. And the self still holds sway, what with fear of increased pain, decreased mobility, a shrinking support system, and even the fear that the traumas I suffered are not done with me.
But most of all, I fear fear.
While an instinct for survival and an ability to sense danger are valuable skills, fear is more complicated than that, a reflection of our neuroses, our biases; our perceptions as influenced and formed by what we take in of the world around us. Fear is a rush of overwhelming physical and emotional sensations. It reduces reason and crushes the soul. I've seen what fear can do and I'm afraid of its power. I also hate it.
I hate what fear does to good people, competent people, kind people unable to tackle it, train it, or tamp it down. I hate fear-based proselytizing, advertising, or politicking, the deliberate attempts to awaken in us our deepest and often most base prejudices. I dislike the way the media so often presumes its potency derives from the sensationalized spreading of fear ("The Worst Whatever Ever!") which in turn feeds our sense of powerlessness.
A little fear may be a good thing; it makes us aware of our limitations and even our mortality. Maybe it even keeps us safe; I have a bad leg and it's necessary for me to be cautious about walking on ice or running after the dog. But I don't want fear -- of falling, of failing, of a shrinking world or a growing menace -- to dictate my life.
I'm learning to stand up to fear. The things I'm afraid may come to pass will pass -- or they won't. I know I'll worry about these fearful things from time to time. But the idea that I'm stuck with fear as a constant companion? Sorry, that just doesn't fly.
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500words
Chauncey DeVega
littlewillie
Molly Tennyson
Karen Riley
RomanticPoetess
Salon.com
Comments
Well said. I hate it too. I'll never let it stop me.
I'm with you on this: standing up to fear is the only way to remain whole.
R
But hey, it's a gorgeous day outside.
Rated
r
@Joan: absolutely
@Blue: I was under my desk a lot in the early sixties. I credit my equanimity today with the whole fallout shelter experience, along with frequent listening to Tom Lehrer lyrics (for those of you who don't know, Lehrer was a mathematician and songwriter known for his pitch-black satire).
Well said.
The trick (not that I've mastered it,) is to live in the now. We don't know what's coming tomorrow....and there is a good chance we can't change it anyway.
I understand what you are saying about fear. There will always be something to fear.
But we can't let it get the best of us.
Rated.
I have a fear of being laughed at. This seems laughable on the surface, but it's very real to me. I think one explanation for my inclination toward satire and sarcasm is to beat the laughers to the punch, either by directing it outward or even at myself. I believe many comic performers could say this, as well.
Being laughed at is an assault on dignity, and without dignity, or with abused dignity we feel incredibly vulnerable.
Hard to imagine John Wayne - not his role, but the man himself - ever showing fear. Bur Wayne is credited with this insightful line:
"Courage is being scared to death, and still saddling up."
Alas, Nikki, I believe that fear is ever present. If not in plain view then for sure just out of sight. Denial or avoidance just puts off the inevitable. Calling the bast'd out is always a better move, I think. (r)
Excellent post, rated.
Also when you say "The things I'm afraid may come to pass will pass -- or they won't." I've found that they typically don't. Whenever I worry over and over about something, it doesn't happen. It's something else that comes up in surprise and whacks me upside the head. So it's really not worth worrying and fearing.
Very thoughtful post: lots of strength in this. Cute puppy too.
As evidence of this post. Excellent points here Nikki - thank you!
Thanks for this excellent post. Kisses,
Marcela
Fear is a primal emotion. We each strive to overcome our own fears, but we could use a little more understanding of the pain of others. You've added a lot to that concept here.
@ MaryT: how fabulous that you like a comment I made - seriously
@ Sally: the experience didn't prevent depression but in terms of fear, it certainly put everything in perspective. The way my circle dealt with the aftermath (including the anthrax scare) was both understandable and shocking. And yet, it's nothing compared with what goes on with survivors of genocide; some of these women...well, I really do have a different perspective.
It's the Impetus of All today, too. Mongers, whores and the like.
I hate it.
R