Three-Sixty-Three No More

...on the way down one pound @ time...

363nomore

363nomore
Bio
Three Sixty Three No More -- is simple. That's how much I weigh at the start of this journal. I am never going to weigh this much ever again. This is my journey. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I have a feeling at the beginning, it's going to be ugly. Very very ugly.

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OCTOBER 30, 2011 1:31PM

Where Have I Been...

Typically when I go underground bad things happen.  I isolate, eat, and rationalize my behavior.  Not this time.  This time I have been grounded and way more focused.  I have lost a total of 72 pounds as of this morning.

It's been tough and a journey -- and I still have long/… Read full post »
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JUNE 28, 2011 3:47AM

Epiphany

Most people would rather be right than happy.

I am consciously choosing happiness.
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MAY 26, 2011 9:00PM

It’s not like I chose to weigh this much!!!!


I read the above in the title on another person's blog that I am not going to link as I am trying to live my life as drama free as possible. (Nothing's worse than two fat people cat fighting -- trust me on that.)

My response to the statement/… Read full post »
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MAY 22, 2011 4:09PM

Almost wished the rapture had happened yesterday....

Then I wouldn't be battling this whole food thing.
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MAY 20, 2011 1:45PM

No more sugar. No more artificial sweeteners.

In the long run = good.

Short term : hard.as.hell
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MAY 16, 2011 2:10PM

And here I thought being thinner would solve all my problems...

Boy was I wrong.

Right now  I am reading "It will never happen to me" by Claudia Black.  In a word, this book is intense, real, and it's what I needed to read.  The author has this amazing quote:



"I spent my whole life making sure I didn't end up like my… Read full post »
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APRIL 25, 2011 9:51PM

I am reading this today....

This is probably one of the hands down most interesting books I think I have read in a very very long time. I loved it so much I sent it to my Cousin in the hopes that we can read it and talk about what we found inspiring and what we/… Read full post »
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APRIL 24, 2011 9:24PM

I don't do anything small. It's all super size for this chick.

My black and white thinking has come back to haunt me I think.  What prompted me to get from here to there or there to here was my inability to do anything small.  I am not sure how that happened or where or who I might have inherited that from.  I… Read full post »
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APRIL 17, 2011 9:50PM

When we reach bottom

Those of us like me who have an eating disorder often times even when we receive, realize, and grasp the meaning of our disease or diagnosis have to hit rock bottom like all addicts before us before we can get better.

Sometimes it comes in the form of a health scare.…

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APRIL 10, 2011 11:59AM

Pain + Isolation + Frustration = Late Night Eating

I see it's been almost three months since my last post. God I feel like a bad Catholic- Father forgive me it's been 765467 years since my last confession.

So what have I been doing. Jaw surgery - 2 of them. Ugh. And that should help with weight loss right? Well… Read full post »

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JANUARY 23, 2011 1:32AM

When the scale moves down...

It's kind of like the sun -- I have a sense of well being.  I knew something was up yesterday when at the end of the day my ankles were not horribly swollen. It didn't hurt horribly to ambulate this morning when I woke up.  As much as I didn't want… Read full post »
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JANUARY 21, 2011 2:58AM

So..,,

I stayed on my food plan and it wasn't so bad.
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JANUARY 12, 2011 2:41AM

Yes, I Am Avoiding You Like The Plague...

Oh how I am practicing avoidance.  There I said.  Now I can breathe.  I have been putting off coming here to write for a very long time.

October 10th, 2010 to be exact.

I wish I had something snarky, profound, or witty to say.  I don't.

The bottom line is I am a coward. …

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OCTOBER 10, 2010 3:36AM

I lumber...

So I am doing the exercise thing.  I am hating it.  h a t i n g it. Just thought I would put that out there.  I am not sure what's going on but my body is really pissed off.  I no longer walk, I lumber.  My knees kill me, my…

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SEPTEMBER 27, 2010 4:48PM

Nobody.

"Nobody has ever tilted my head up and looked me in the eyes when I’m emotionally raw and told me I’m beautiful.â€

I now realize why I am fat.
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AUGUST 1, 2010 9:23PM

So emotional...

Emotions.  Emotional.  Eeeemowshawnaul. Emo. Emo. Emo.

God that's me today.

I am seeing a pattern. It's maddening and ridiculous.  Right now I feel like I am a ball of yarn that's snarled and tangled and I am trying to "undo" the knots and straighten it all out and I just can't.  No…

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JULY 7, 2010 3:20AM

July -- Really?

As I slink back here rather sheepishly I see that July is really here, and I haven't posted since the third week of May.

What has yours truly been doing that's been so important that she can't find the time, make the time, justify the time, beg, borrow, or steal the time…

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MAY 22, 2010 12:07AM

Down for the count....

I am sicker than a dog with a nasty sinus infection and ear infections.

Thanks for checking in I will report back later.
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MAY 7, 2010 9:29AM

I Can Hear Myself Think...

I have a 7 AM dental appointment. I am getting a crown as my bottom tooth broke. I have been dreading this appointment for weeks. The good news -- I see an ass kick of a dentist who is damn awesome. They mill their own crowns so I won't have to…

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MAY 5, 2010 12:24PM

It's Begun...

Intake is complete. The paperwork is done. Insurance approved. Real therapy has begun.

The kind of therapy I am doing is called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, or DBT. The definition of Dialectical thinking is that two opposite ideas can be true at the same time. There is always more…

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APRIL 29, 2010 6:58PM

Though Shall Not Judge -- The Self Criticism -- It's Gotta Go Too...

I am to fill this out daily as part of my therapy.  It's a tool to track mood.  Ho-humEvery day I fill out this card and keep a food diary . I turn them in weekly. I am honest to a fault and say it like it is. My therapist didn't/…

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APRIL 28, 2010 12:23PM

The Short Bus Of Food....

If there was a short bus for people like me with food issues I'd be on it for sure. Today is therapy and treatment and I am dreading it. Bad food week. But that's why I'm going right? If everything was perfect and great I wouldn't be where I am today.

My…

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APRIL 26, 2010 12:59AM

It's really not about the weight.



"Imagine not being frightened by any feeling. Imagine knowing that nothing will destroy you. That you are beyond any feeling, any state. Bigger than. Vaster than. That there is no reason to use drugs (in my case food as a drug) because anything a drug could do would pale in comparison/…

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APRIL 22, 2010 1:16PM

You Know What It's Like To Be Drunk Right?

Have you ever been to a party or a bar and had a wee bit too much to drink?  And in between that buzzy, floaty or really drunk feeling you find yourself telling anyone around you too much information?  And then the next morning you thing What The Fuck Did I…

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APRIL 22, 2010 2:13AM

Treatment...and not the window kind...

>

> I entered out patient treatment for my eating disorder. Binge eating
> and compulsive overeating.
>
> Instead I wish I had lice.
>
> No really.
>
> Part of this is shame and disgust. I mean come on what kind of
> person eats themselves up to 363 pounds? And that hasn'… Read full post »

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