Filling my gas tank yesterday I  couldn’t help but smile.             Anywhere… Anywhere in the world.

When my daughter was young we spent a lot of time together in the car: trips to her daycare, her school/my school, the bank, grocery store, to grandma's house or the park. I made up songs as we traveled, telling her outrageous stories and often pretending that we were involved in amazing adventures - on safari or under the ocean. Most of the narrative merriment featured her as the heroine together with a cast of colorful wildlife characters. Within the framework of our imaginary journeys, I directed her attention out the window to mountain ranges created by clouds on the horizon, lions hiding behind trees, red monkeys swinging from invisible vines attached to familiar buildings, and countless varieties of mammals, fish and birds.

She loved picture books and her Zoo Magazines, pouring through them on her own before dragging stacks of them to me to read over and over again. Whatever we read was generally incorporated into future imaginary tours as we drove. Usually she played along with the ruse, adding the things she "saw" and pointing them out to me. Often, the two of us would start giggling uncontrollably as the game progressed. It was not uncommon for us to forget what started the hilarity, or to contagiously laugh red-faced until we could barely breathe.

Whenever it was time to gas the car, I gave her a special book from the library bag that we kept in the back seat so she could amuse herself while I dealt with fueling. After the tank was full, I’d return and belt myself in always looking back at her before turning the key. Smiling, I’d ask, "Where should we go now, Ellie?" Her responses varied but included our usual haunts. Many times she simply wanted to go home to play with her cat, Lady Di.  "Okay, but do you know where we could go?"  "Where, mamma?" "Anywhere, baby! We could go anywhere in the world! "

We both grew to treasure this exchange. I relished it because I longed to dream that anything was possible in a time when nothing seemed further from the truth. Escape from the reality of a bad marriage was a tonic and welcome relief for me; time with my daughter made life worth the effort. Ellie enjoyed remembering and combining things she knew and loved playing with words and ideas. Once home, she'd run to the kitchen as I fixed dinner, carrying her oversized inflatable globe, eager to choose a new place to read about. When we went to the library we'd find books about different countries and that information added more fuel to the next faux journey/auto trip.

Around the time she decided to let me know that she was “so over” childish things and wise to the ways of “big girls” she also took me to task about my repeated assertion that we could go anywhere in the world. “That's just silly momma,” she proclaimed, staring through me, hands on her tiny 8 year old hips. “A tank of gas can't take a car anywhere in the whole world." She said this with assertive confidence mixed with a worldly perception of the way things are and the way they must be in the real land of grown-ups.

Only a week before, we had visited her former sitter and extended daycare family bearing gifts. She’d carefully explained to me that she no longer needed her beloved satin-edged blanket (the one with all the best rubs) whose mere touch once calmed and lulled her into peaceful oblivion. Together we’d divided the soft fabric into six sections stitching the borders securely. “Little kids need things like this,” she told me earnestly, “…now that I’m grown, I don’t need it anymore.”

Her third grade self was eager to shed all childish things in the pursuit of a widening social circle and a quest for big time coolness. Imaginary games, lap reading and mom-time seemed poised for a major hit; I felt a sense of resignation and overwhelming sadness when she also informed me firmly that the drawings I created on her lunch bags and napkins were embarrassing...very nice, and well done, but, well…totally not cool. My baby was growing up. Wonder and imagination were about to be sacrificed on a stone cold altar of reality. Where were the angels and fairies when I needed them? I audibly sighed, imagining her leaving for college, getting married and having babies of her own all within the next half hour. Time was passing too damn fast, and so much of what had been fun would simply never be again.

Her insistent voice brought me back, "Isn't that so, momma? We can't go anywhere in the whole world from the gas station, can we?” As it happened it was Saturday morning. Her dad was working and for once all my school work was caught up. Suddenly, I got an idea and instantly felt better, "Hey! Let’s find out!”

We dressed quickly and gassed the car, but I sidestepped my usual repartee with a begrudging grasp of the new paradigm.  "Where are we going, mom?"  “Sorry, hon. I can’t tell you. It's a mystery surprise!" Unlike earlier trips, we didn't talk very much; she had a tape player and some books to enjoy while I focused on traffic. In about an hour we were parking in a huge ramp. She looked up from her music and reading and twisted in her seat as I stopped the car. “Okay honey, let's go for a walk!”

The parking ramp was relatively dark, but we could hear loud noises coming from the entrances and exits. Outside in the bright light of noonday, there were lots of cars and buses and people with luggage. "C'mon, kiddo! Follow me!"  We walked to and through the airport terminals and found a restaurant for lunch. Ellie was delighted. We were both giddy. Planes and runways beckoned just outside  enormous window views. Some of the customers were airline employees; others wore clothing from exotic places. We spied planes from Japan, Italy, Great Britain and France, whose flags she easily identified.

Just as her macaroni and cheese arrived, she accidentally dropped her Hello Kitty bag and the contents spilled below her chair out into the aisle. Ellie slid down to pick things up, a bit embarrassed by all the noise it had made when it hit the floor. Rising from an adjoining table, a young pilot bent to help her reclaim the errant objects. “Thank you!” she told him as they both finished the job. “You're welcome! You know what? I have a daughter about your age. Where are you two ladies heading today?"

Ellie looked at me and then back to the pilot as a smile flashed broadly across her face. “Well, today we are just visiting the airport and then we are going home. But...,” she paused before giving me a glowing second glance, “...we really could go anywhere...anywhere in the world!"