The Automotive Philosopher

Aaron Warren

Aaron Warren
Location
Chicago, Illinois, USA
Birthday
June 07
Bio
My fascination with automobiles and just about everything mechanical started, I think, when a small cluster of cells developed somewhere in the first trimester of my existence. I have always been a fanatic. I am, however, not what one would call a gearhead – but a connoisseur, an automotive philosopher. I look at automobiles the way an art critic looks at the creation of a new talent, the way a vinter critiques a new wine, or the way an antiquarian sums up a piece or fine rare furniture. An automobile, to me, is more than the sum of its mechanical parts. It is an exercise in rolling art. Art so complex that it captivates every sense. So, here I find myself in my first “pleasure” writing format looking to share my insight, opinions, emotions, and knowledge on the subject. I am a, person who revels in being able to work on my own vehicle as well. To me a grease monkey is one which messes about with cars, usually doing more harm than good. I think of myself as more of a surgeon or technician in this regard. Precision requires, well, precision. I have spent the better part of my professional career in the automotive industry in a sales, training, and development capacity. I have an intimate understanding of this industry; its triumphs and shortcomings along with the products that are the result. On a personal level, I am obsessive about the car culture. Every venture I take out into the world is a hunt for a rare glimpse of obscure chrome, or an unidentified engine note. To me, driving is a sort of Zen like experience melding man and machine. The feel of an automobile as it moves and responds to your inputs can make or break one’s experience with a vehicle. Some of the most beautiful cars in the world are absolutely atrocious to actually drive. Harsh, fragile, monstrous beasts that are near impossible to control and civil. The thorns of the rose, if you will. Oh, how I love them so! I read auto industry statistics the way some read the sports page. I visit local dealers to examine new cars the way one examines a vintage comic book. I am the guy in his garage, in a lab-coat, nonetheless, cleaning his engine, and listening to the valvetrain with a stethoscope. I can diagnose most engine issues purely by sound, and can identify most cars by the sounds of their engines. I look at the valve cover of the Jaguar XK engine with the reverence of a religious icon and the intake of a Chevrolet 350 as though it were Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa. I am a student of all things automotive… So, come along with me on my adventure through this world of automobiles, automobile culture, business, enthusiasm, and philosophy!

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Salon.com
JULY 16, 2009 11:49PM

The People Have Spoken

Rate: 2 Flag

The People Have Spoken

 Oops 

Near my home in the Chicago Suburbs, Illinois Route 59 is the major North/South artery for the region. For years, at the intersection of Gulf Keys Road, and RT 59, there has been what I would describe as a curb running perpendicular, across both of the southbound lanes! Probably the worst road anomaly I have ever encountered, period! As you all know, I drive a rather antiquated (heavy) Benz… This bump is SO bad, that if you hit it at the posted speed limit, your car would indeed go airborne, as mine did – also damaging a ball joint in the process. It was always funny, the expressions on motorists faces once their cars landed, and they realised that they, for only a moment, were indeed flying through the air! Ever seen a Camry fly? I did!

Anyway… For the longest time, I’m talking YEARS, this bump has been clearly marked by a sign that creatively said “BUMP” in big black letters on an orange background. Can’t miss it, right? Actually, it’s been there for so long, the tree next to it has grown enough to engulf the sign. In either case, someone from the Illinois Department of Transportation, or IDOT as us locals call them, knew the bump was there, and put up a sign so as to ensure the saftey of the motoring public.

After my first run in with this monster, which resulted in a couple hundred dollars damage to my autobahn burner, I called IDOT to complain. Their response, “The imperfection is within our engineering  tolerances and a repair is not necessary, besides, didn’t you see the sign?” No joke…  

Well, I’m sure I’m not the first one to complain, etc. A brave, and enterprising sole took it upon themselves to take down the “BUMP” sign, and replace it with a (really) rather well made sign which states “BUMP that IDOT Won’t Fix”  

That was yesterday. Today the bump is gone!

 (Note: I only realised today that the bump was gone when I returned, on foot to get a picture of the bump and the sign... The above image is not the actual bump as "technically" Rt 59 is paved!)

 

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Comments

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I wonder who that brave enterprising soul was? Thanks for the info on the Cobalt!!
nice to see the people get a "W" every once in a while. it only took, what, years?
I'm just happy that I can motor along without the fear and dread of encountering that monster on the road! I had a Land Rover several years ago, and going over that bump would darn near cause my glasses to fly off, it was so violent! Hurray for the little guys!!!
The bump is back... I'm wondering how long it will be before the sign goes back up. Actually, I'm thinking that this may actually be the fault line that caused the 3.6 earthquake we had here a couple months back. It was about that time that a crack started to form, and well, sure enough, it's a full blown bump now! UGH!