there's so much hope in the changing over from one year to another, and i've been happy to hear and read about  many of my friends' positive outlooks on 2012.  i'm not about to put a damper on this.  in fact, i feel very optimistic myself.

my oldest daughter is a new year's resolution guru.  she makes one each year, and keeps it, and she expects the rest of us to do the same.  much to her credit her resolutions are based in reality and are completely doable. for instance, this year, her resolution is to improve her posture - an idea i'm secretly stealing from her.

2012 has a lot going for it:  the summer olympics; a presidential election; the queen's 60th jubilee; and for our family, a bevy of significant birthdays. 

beginning january 30, the women in my family will all reach milestone birthdays.  add this to the pressure of a new resolution, and you'll understand why i've had some thinking to do.  first,my youngest will turn 21; then my mother will turn 70. up next is my 50th, and finally in december, my other daughter will turn 25.   

50.  wow.  the number/age doesn't really bother me that much.  i know plenty of vibrant, productive women in their 50's, 60's, and 70's.  i'm happy that i'm now half way through my masters in english literature.  i'm happy with my teaching, although i could be a bit less busy with extracurriular activities.  my marriage is on solid footing, my family is healthy and relatively happy - i have a lot more going for me than many people in this world; but despite this, deep inside there's a nagging feeling that i'm not where i should be.  how much longer am i  going to avoid submitting my poetry for possible publication?  how much longer am i going to let my body decide what i can do, and not me?   what do i want to do?  what can and will i change?  what resolution should i come to for myself?

posture?  yes.  but i'm trying to think more broadly.  i want to take better care of myself.  losing weight, exercising, minimizing the wine consumption - all of these are part of the plan, but there are some smaller, more manageable things i can do as well.  i'm going to get pedicures more often.  i'm going to get a new mouthguard (a $600 expense i've been putting off), because my teeth will ultimately need less work if i do; i'm going to start having game nights and inviting my friends over, i'm going to read more for fun; i'm going to use mosturizing lotions on my arms and legs on a regular basis. i will take less work home with me, and write more.  i will spend time on crafts, and creations i've been wanting to try.  i will visit friends, and listen to music.  i may only get a few of these accomplished, but i want to be thoughtful about how each choice i make, on any given day helps me become a healthier, happier person.

so i guess it's all about me this year.  and you know what?  for the first time in a long time i feel no guilt about that - i just feel it's about damn time.