Just when you think that the Republican nomination race can’t get any more surreal, it does. For months now it’s resembled a Spinal Tapish mockumentary.
Bachman lauds the founding fathers for their struggle against slavery. Then at the height of her mini-surge she warns that a perfectly safe inoculation causes mental retardation. Perry can’t remember what government departments he proposes abolishing, he delivers a rambling Bullworthian speech in New Hampshire and most recently accuses NATO ally Turkey of being run by terrorists. Cain unveils an economic plan that The Economist characterizes as Dial 9-9-9 for Nonsense. He painfully lurches through a question on Libya (that’s the one with Gaddafi, right?) where he slams Obama even though he admits he might well have done exactly the same (but for different reasons!). Finally his back catalogue of workplace harassment and an ongoing affair catch up with him. Romney (corporations are people), accused of being an out-of-touch 1%er, offers to bet Perry $10,000 in an Iowa debate where acceptance of the wager would have broken the state law. Santorum, well, do I really have to cite examples? Just Google him.
Then there’s Newt. Multiple adulterer who condemns it in others, self-denying lobbyist (Fannie Mae really needed a historian for a million bucks?!?), Lafferable supply-sider who castigates Romney for too-creative destruction. And now the latest. The attack ad disparaging Romney for, among other things, speaking French.
Leave aside the fact that Newt’s own dissertation includes French sources in his bibliography. Don’t bother pondering why a youthful Romney would be trying to convert the French citizenry to a religion that prohibits wine. But has dumbing down sunk so far that knowledge of a foreign language counts against you? I had reckoned that disbelieving global warming and evolution set the ignorance standard. What was I thinking?
At any rate the controversy put me in mind of the brilliant opening scene of Tom Stoppard’s Dirty Linen. With a few tweaks…
Romney and Gingrich have gone for brunch at Mitt’s club. Entering, Mitt holds the door.
Mitt – Après vous.
Newt – Toujours la politesse.
Mitt – Noblesse oblige.
Newt – Le mot juste.
Romney hands a menu to Gingrich.
Mitt – A la carte.
Newt – Hors d'œuvre, foie gras.
Mitt – Pour moi, nouvelle cuisine.
Newt – Haute cuisine!
Mitt – Bon appetit. Garçon!
Spying a newspaper, Gingrich catches up on Cain’s latest cause célèbre.
Newt – Ooh la la!
Mitt (grinning) – Cherchez la femme.
Newt – Une femme fatale.
Mitt – Brunette?
Newt – Blonde debutante. Petite divorcée
Mitt – Ménage à trois?
Newt - Droit du seigneur. Très risqué.
Mitt – Chacun à son gout.
Newt – Faux pas.
Mitt – Encore.
Newt – Plus ca change.
Mitt – Damned awkward though. Pardon my French.
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libbyliberalnyc
Steven Axelrod
Jonathan Wolfman
koshersalaami
Tom Degan
Just Thinking...
Salon.com
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Kerry takes the to a French Cafe.
He buys these GOPS sour ham.
Hocks. It eat pork with beans.
Toots . . .
Kerry ask the waitress this:
`
Do you speak American?
He never tips any severs.
He complain about soup.
`
The false eyelash in soup?
He thinks it's a mouse drop.
Kerry eats dead horse fly.
The back item was dead.
It float on top of soup.
Art - I'm always amazed how you can come up with something a propos in the blink of an eye.
Ande - Much of the credit should go to Tom Stoppard who came up with the idea.
And those guys have more faux pas's then a loose wee divorced brunette..:) not there is anything wrong with that..:)
HUGGGGGGGGGGGG
R♥
Contrary to Newt, a real American historian would have more respect for the French, since without them at Yorktown, the USA might not exist.
Lezlie
daisy jane – your head’s in the right place if getting it around these shenanigans doesn’t come easy.
dirndl – first with the freedom fries comment. There’s a reference to it in the wonderful Before Sunset.
Mary – If Newt included French texts in his dissertation then I’m sure he has a passing knowledge of the language. And a better than passing knowledge of hypocrisy.
scanner – As Huntsman himself tweeted, “I believe in evolution and that man-made carbon emissions contribute to global warming. Call me crazy”. Too sane to last in this twilight zone.
Erica – Thanks very much. I couldn’t think of how to work the FF into the dialogue.
Fusun – Madame, merci beaucoup.
blu – zut alors!
Susie – it’s surprising how much French has made it into our lexicon. English is truly the magpie of languages.
onl – What about Hunter Thompson, Lawrence Sterne, Vonnegut or Jonathan Swift?
Persistent – Thanks very much. This Republican race falls into the laugh or cry category.
kittwarn – Thanks for dropping in. I’m sure that Newt is well aware of what he’s doing.
nana – I’ve been scared since 2008 when a well past his prime candidate garnered 58 million votes (46%) on a platform of more of the same of the worst President in anyone’s lifetime; thereby repudiating his stands and character that once made him popular. And in doubtful health with an inexperienced nincompoop as his VP candidate.
emma – If you don’t know much about U.S. issues, you’re in good company with the folks who turn out to vote for these jokers. Thanks for the comment.
Sheila – Thanks very much.
Lezlie – De rien.
Cranky – Or maybe a reality show where at the end the host could hand out a cash prize and send the winner on his way.
Speaking of the French, I wonder what you would think about this poem I once wrote:
Though it may get me labeled a traitor
And it surely won't make me rich
In the face of all those who hate them
I announce: I love the French.
For De Tocqueville and Voltaire
For L'Enfant who designed DC
For the fact that without their
Aid this country would never have come to be
For their workweek of 35 hours
And vacation that lasts a month
For productivity greater than ours
And free health care, unlike us,
For Dumas, Joan of Arc, Exupery
Doctors without Borders, and
For a civilized society,
Low crime rates and beautiful land
For their gorgeous, passionate women
For Cezanne and for Gaughin
For wine valleys, chateux - earth heaven -
For Riviera, Paris, Sorbonne
For their foreign aid to the poor
And diplomatic outreach -
There is one thing I know for sure:
Hear me saying: I love the French.
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♥║╚══╣║║║║║╚══╣╚══╬╝║║╚╝♥
♥╚══╗║╚╝╚╝║╔══╣╔══╝─║║
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♥╚═══╝╚╝╚╝╚═══╩═══╝─╚For an amusing insight here and now.
Algis - How do you get that typeface into a comment? Glad you enjoyed this.
Jett - Touché. Mercie beaucoup.