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NOVEMBER 29, 2009 7:17PM

I'm not invisible!

Rate: 6 Flag

Getting so many comments on my last post has been really great. Thank you to everyone who offered their congratulations. It was very nice, and helped soften the blow of my mother's response a little bit.

It's funny, I hadn't realized until that post that almost everything I've written to date is about my mother. Think there might be a "there" there?!!

So I think I may have found the theme of my blog, at least for the time being. My mother. A woman who sleeps in her pantyhose and vacuums her house multiple times a day. Someone who is convinced that the liberal left is trying to steal her Christmas and that the boogeyman is around every corner.

I saw a sign the other day that read, "Call your mother. She worries." And I actually did. I want things to be so different with my own kids. I can't imagine what it would feel like to know they didn't want to see me.

 I know it should be more pity than anger that I feel towards her. And I really do most of the time. But it doesn't matter how old I get, there's something just primal and basic about wanting the approval of your mother. And though I put myself through college,  launched and edited multiple magazines, raised two really fantastic kids as a single mother and have managed to keep our heads above water for the past 11 months since I was laid off, I still can't get it right in her eyes.

Until I join a church, become a Republican, move next door to her and learn to be a properly submissive Southern woman, I'm doomed.

(But I'm a hell of a lot more interesting to hang out with than she is!)

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Comments

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I'll betcha that wouldn't be enough either. It's an inside job, Becca. Just know that you are good enough for yourself (could THAT be the real issue?) and let it go. Then when you've gotten your expectations lowered really low, for a long time -- your mom will surprise you. (Mine did.)

Writing about in such a comic way is great, too.
It is never, ever ever enough. Strength is salvation. Another strong post.

Rated.
Good post. Regarding mom issues, a wise person (aka therapist) once told me "You can't get raisins from the hardware store." Meaning I shouldn't look to her for what she wasn't able to provide, but I should seek what I needed from others who were nurturing in various ways. It does help to think of it that way, although it's natural to want that acceptance and approval from your mom.