From the Adequate Sports Network:

Washington, DC:  As the Major League Baseball trade deadline looms, speculation about last-minute deals is running rampant.  Post-season contenders have one more day to snap up impact players, while the rest have an opportunity to surrender 2010 and invest in the future.  Though many deals have already come through, the action is far from over.  

The Washington Nationals are rumored to be considering trading first baseman Adam Dunn to Central division leading Chicago White Sox, a trade that would position the Chi Sox handily for the post-season, but is seen by some as a foolhardy choice for the budding Nationals.   

The hapless and largely hospitalized Boston Red Sox, only three of whom can walk without assistance as of this writing, would do well to deal outfielder Jeremy Hermida to San Diego in exchange for one of the team’s many excellent relievers—or a time share at an assisted-living facility with a full-time physical therapy staff and Dish Network.   “That would be win-win,” said Boston manager Terry Francona.  “Every day I wake up, I know another one of these boys is going to walk into a lamp post or something.  We could use a left-handed outfielder who can play second at this point, but [General Manager] Theo [Epstein] is not going to say no to a truckload of air casts at this point in the season,” he added.

Meanwhile, as fans across the nation breathlessly await news from MLB front offices, the family trade deadline is getting significantly less press.  Children traded after 7/31 are ineligible for school, which traditionally begins four weeks after the trade deadline and two to three weeks after parents begin to look fondly back on the days of child labor.  Parents exchanged after the deadline are barred from inviting their children’s coaches to dinner, making large donations to prestigious universities, or financing SAT-prep.  “This places enormous pressure on families to get the winning roster together by 4pm Saturday,” said agent Joe Simon.  “It all comes down to now, and losing is not an option,” he added.

There is a great deal on the line.  The college admissions process begins soon after the school year, and bad choices in the trade process can make the difference between a fat envelope and going home empty-handed. “Heading into the school year, some families know that they’ve got a clear shot at success,” said Washington DC college admissions counselor Ruth Lester.  “You look at your Bethesda Feldsteins, your Georgetown Grahams—those franchises are going all of the way this year.  Parker and Cole have been knocking them out of the park since first grade, and it’s clear that this is going to be their year to redeem the franchises from their elder siblings’ disappointing home stretch performances.  Most of us who are close to the process see that both teams need more depth at the dad position before September.  That’s what a good GM has to deliver,” she said.

Contacted at his workplace in DC’s storied Willard office complex, George Graham spoke freely about rumors of his impending trade to the Oakland Robinsons.  “Look,” he said,  “whatever the critics say about there being no loyalty left in this game, that’s just not true.  If I’m not contributing to the Graham club I’m not about to hold them back.  Robinson is a growing brand.   I can provide the depth they need at obscene salary, cool guitar dad, and nepotism.”  Asked whether he had any regrets about his career with the Grahams, George responded “It’s just the game.  We caught some heat for trading little Piper to St. Louis after her disappointing 4^th grade year,” he said, pausing to compose himself.  “That was a controversial move then, but I’ll tell you what—we wouldn’t be looking at a 2011 merit scholarship if we hadn’t taken that risk.”