I was five when my father took me to a sunrise service, two dozen people and the countless dead in the cemetery for the news of the resurrection, my father the pastor claiming that rebirth is possible. I did not see any souls rising, although today the fog is like a thousand ghosts. Years later, I drove by that cemetery with my mother, just after she was told her blood would kill her, and she confirmed that Easter ritual had happened.
You would think, given the circumstances, that some idea of the immense suffering and THEN the crucifixion would have had some impact. But no - it was at best a concept, played out in simple hymns and words that never resonated. I never understood the holy ghost, except for the eerie feeling that I could eat it, wafer thin, and wash it down with blood.
It took death for me to yell at God, the God I still don't quite believe in but turn to when I suffer. I never turn to Jesus, but am appalled at what he was made to suffer, as I am appalled by what suffering is imposed all across this planet. I see the bloody crucifixion every day and post about it on Facebook - laptop activist. I lull myself into complacency - and that is not Jesus' fault.
I have a sort of PTSD (generalized term) because someone tried to kill me, so my instinct for self preservation is very tensile. Unlike Jesus, I fought to the end - but also, unlike Jesus, it was just me and there was no greater point to prove beyond staying alive. I'm not sure a near death experience allows me to relate to the Lord, but I think about his last days in that selfish way. "What Would Alison Do?" Run far, far away.
Regroup, gather some more believers, and keep on being Jesus! I think that's what bothers me - the sacrifice part, which is rich in all mythology. (and I'm not calling the bible mythology. I'm also not calling mythology a bunch of bibles).
I suppose the funny thing (both ha ha and weird) is that I call out to God, just like Jesus did, when I am in my most desperate times. The fact that this never happens while being crucified is significant of course, so all Jesus comparisons will end now, although I kind of relate to him.
I grew up in church and rituals, and know the basic stories, but today I contemplate how the story might have been different. I think about the stories in the bible and wonder how literally it is all supposed to be taken.
At the same time, I think deeply about the brutality of capital punishment at that time, and glaring errors in justice and judgement. How Jesus' message was one of peace. How he suffered and died for his beliefs. And I think of other remarkable people who have done so.
Dr. King and Ghandi come to mind. Can you add some others who also lived their words?
And if not, can you pass me the chocolate bunny immediately? ok thanks.