I could tell many an embarrassing tale involving any number of bodily fluids, or tell you about how the first time I met someone with Tourette’s  I had just taken a pure dose of the hallucinogen Ibogaine. In fact, I could have a separate blog devoted to embarrassing events in my life.

But for some reason this simple tale always stands out for me.

I was visiting friends in Western Mass. from my home in Seattle.  It was probably around 1997, so I was still young and cute. My friend Michael and I had gone to his friends house in Sunderland , ostensibly for Michael to paint, (not artistically but as a job), but mostly for us to enjoy their deck and smoke some pot and drink a few beers.

I had arranged to meet my mother at a corner store in Sunderland at 4:30 p.m so she and I could have dinner and then go back to her house. At 4:00 p.m. Michael started to panic and said he could only drive me to Rt.9 and I could walk the half mile to the store. I wasn’t bothered – he was nervous that he hadn’t done any work; I was a seasoned traveler, so he left me off at the bottom of the hill on Rt. 9.

I was wearing a very cute sundress, cowboy boots, and had an old canvas knapsack. It was a 20 minute walk, it was a nice day, and although there is a lot of traffic on Rt.9, it’s still the country.  So I set out on my way. Cars passed me, and occasionally someone would honk.

“Whatever!” I thought – like nobody has ever seen a woman in a dress with cowboy boots and a knapsack – maybe it’s exciting. I went on, and it went on “Honk, honk.” until I got disgusted and started flipping the bird.

“Oh, I’m a woman walking on a road so I’m a prostitute! Fucking pigs!” I muttered to myself.

My feminist ire was up. I can't walk down a road without being sexually harrassed by stupid sexist pigs. My rights are being violated by this harrasment. I was mad. 

Then an eighteen wheeler drove up and honked twice, and I was just pissed off. I stopped and turned and gave him both middle fingers. He gestured at me with up and down hands, like he was pulling something. We were near the intersection where I was going to meet my Mom, so he was stopped in traffic. Fucking pervert, I thought, so I gestured back at him: “Pull, pull!” And again gave him both middle fingers. He rolled down the passenger window.

I said” What, you fucking pervert! Just because I’m walking down the road you think you deserve a fucking handjob, asshole?”

He looked at me for a long second, silently and said” No.”

“I just thought you might want to know that your dress is all rode up and you’re walking down the road with your ass hanging out.”

I turned to look. Yes indeed. The friction from the knapsack had worked my dress all the way up, and I was, indeed, walking with my ass hanging out. In tattered little panties, no less.

I apologized as I dropped the knapsack and attempted to pull my dress back down.

The light changed, and he shook his head and drove away.  I was about 100 feet from the intersection, where my mother was waiting for me.