There are squirrels in my walls. It's a problem. The squirrels are really bold - not afraid of lazy cats, apparently. I get all "Yellow Wallpaper" at times - because I turn down everything that makes sound and say "Did you hear that?" half hysterically.
I am becoming Charlotte Perkins Gilman. Only I can hear the squirrels
The squirrel guy came over. I have had a tough week with crisis calls – like, for me to say that it has been crazy means crazy – so I was fairly passed out on two hours sleep when Andrea, the very sweet landlord, started a knockin’.
I just accepted it into my violent dream and plunged everything together. Death is here and I really DID want to eat bbq and drink gallons of water!
Two of these things are true as I launch myself from bed. it's sweet Andrea and the squirrel guy.
The squirrel guy is exactly that. I’m sleepy, making tea, and he is really eager to figure out the squirrel problem.. I live on the third (top) floor so it is easiest to access squirrels from my porches and hallway, and for some reason last night I said they can go through my apartment to get back and forth. I curse my dead mother for instilling politeness in me while rubbing my eyes and trying to make tea. You would think they would allow me some tea!
(ok now one wandering cat decided to come home and is meowing and I have no pity at all. He needs a job.)
The squirrel guy asks me questions that might make sense. Where do you hear the squirrels in the walls? I tell him and he asks: “What time of day?” and I’m like, um, what season? Since squirrel dude they are in the walls but more when it;.s like winter? They live in the walls.
The squirrels are in the walls. “What time? Is it morning or evening?
“Um, I notice it more in the evening when I’m home.”
“Would that be early evening or later or both?”
“Um, both? Because I can hear them …”
“Is it more like a six o’clock squirrel or a ten o’clock squirrel?”
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The whole premise being that my landlords don’t want to get rid of the squirrels inhumanely, so this guy gets the job …I am flummoxed between a six o’clock squirrel and the possibility of an 8:30 squirrel.
What the fuck is a ten o’clock squirrel?
This is why I have writer's block.
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Comments
I hope that work slows down. Grand to read you and I do wish you some deep rest.
Rated.
You do what you wish.
Feed the rodents nuts.
Call 9-11 to exterminate.
Place them in the pants.
Kerry loves squirrels.
I could not sleep `gin.
Give commonplace do.
Squirrels in underpants?
Kerry feed nut to mouse.
Kerry feed nut to hippie.
I was deleted earlier.
I keep bantering too.
Editor ? Big rodent?
No be nut scornful.
Why acts so nutty?
Kerry chatters too.
He get katydid too.
Tattoo a tit mouse.
Put two on thighs.
The sordid is poetic.
Only fool is scorned.
Feed food acorn nut.
And take a sledge hammer to that block.
That was the 10:00 squirrel. Ayup.
Track down "Squirrel Cop" from "This American Life." One of the funniest stories ever.
They make a lot of racket. Hope you get some tea and the poetry starts flowing soon friend.
He does the hobby taxidermy.
Save creature and get stuffed.
IfI croak I ask to be stuffed.
I'll sit in a wood rocking chair.
I'll invite folks over for a beer.
Buy a berry called "Merry Monk."
No look for any hidden tattoo.
I have nun on my upper thigh.
You (folk) may please chatter.
I'll sit in rapt attention. silence.
I love to listen to Life's Stories.
We all have one her/his stories.
http://ireport.cnn.com/blogs/ireport-blog/2011/08/03/top-five-squirrel-y-ireports-through-the-years
I get roof rats in my ceiling once in awhile and do the same thing while watching the cats look at each other saying you go, no you go!
No worries Art, although I empathise with not sleeping! I THINK I get the acorn metaphor.
Jan: Absolutely agreed. Although the squirrels that are not discussing economic policies seem to have a better plan for the future.
Thanks Alysa - CPG is one of my favorite authors from that time, and I love being able to reference "The Yellow Wallpaper".
Thanks matt! It is a cross reference I guess, but I'm sure Ryan had a splendid opinion about squirrels! I like them fine but there seem to be a lot of them and they should probably go live in trees again.
Wow Frank! I agree, and I won't agonize over the many months of feeling crazy while saying: "The squirrels are in the walls" In the heating vents - I did not want the smell of slow roasted squirrels, nor electrocuted squirrels leading to an interruption of my internet!
Linnm - I will pass on your suggestions to the squirrel whiperer! That's f'ing gnarly. There's plenty of trees around here, so...I guess they need some knowledge that this building is not a tree?
I shall AHP - and I LURVE TAL. it's weird when you get so crazy that you imply intentions on small mammals. I have a huge persecution complex.
jerry D! (you whom I have to rescue from inbox neglect due to your name being "spam".) Bats! I think that would drive me to the point of the obvious word. I've liberated a bat on occassion - a broom, a small trash can and usually a record album comes in handy. Maybe next time I'll use a really bad record album, or maybe I'll try a little bit of Megadeth on the squirrels.