There are squirrels in my walls. It's a problem. The squirrels are really bold - not afraid of lazy cats, apparently. I get all "Yellow Wallpaper" at times - because I turn down everything that makes sound and say "Did you hear that?" half hysterically.
I am becoming Charlotte Perkins Gilman. Only I can hear the squirrels
The squirrel guy came over. I have had a tough week with crisis calls – like, for me to say that it has been crazy means crazy – so I was fairly passed out on two hours sleep when Andrea, the very sweet landlord, started a knockin’.
I just accepted it into my violent dream and plunged everything together. Death is here and I really DID want to eat bbq and drink gallons of water!
Two of these things are true as I launch myself from bed. it's sweet Andrea and the squirrel guy.
The squirrel guy is exactly that. I’m sleepy, making tea, and he is really eager to figure out the squirrel problem.. I live on the third (top) floor so it is easiest to access squirrels from my porches and hallway, and for some reason last night I said they can go through my apartment to get back and forth. I curse my dead mother for instilling politeness in me while rubbing my eyes and trying to make tea. You would think they would allow me some tea!
(ok now one wandering cat decided to come home and is meowing and I have no pity at all. He needs a job.)
The squirrel guy asks me questions that might make sense. Where do you hear the squirrels in the walls? I tell him and he asks: “What time of day?” and I’m like, um, what season? Since squirrel dude they are in the walls but more when it;.s like winter? They live in the walls.
The squirrels are in the walls. “What time? Is it morning or evening?
“Um, I notice it more in the evening when I’m home.”
“Would that be early evening or later or both?”
“Um, both? Because I can hear them …”
“Is it more like a six o’clock squirrel or a ten o’clock squirrel?”
The whole premise being that my landlords don’t want to get rid of the squirrels inhumanely, so this guy gets the job …I am flummoxed between a six o’clock squirrel and the possibility of an 8:30 squirrel.
What the fuck is a ten o’clock squirrel?
This is why I have writer's block.