My brother gave his first homily/sermon on Christmas morning. It was a 10 a.m. service; I was late and the lovely presiding priest was kind enough to say, after the service, that they are used to people attending the 10:15 service (ha ha), and indeed she and Alan were surprised that 30 people made it on time.

I made it in time to hear Alan’s homily. I would provide the text for you, but Alan didn’t write it down. Instead, it’s a series of notes written on the front of the program for the day’s service. Like me, my brother enjoys procrastinating unto the point of panic. And then, something happens.

We laughed about our habits over lunch – although we are very different we share some traits that have to be inherited.

Alan’s homily was very profound, and not just because he is like totally awesome. He is awesome in the real sense of the word, inspiring some awe, and yet it was like he was barefoot. And yet Alan would never be barefoot, but as much as his robes now fit him I could see him walking and talking to everyone in his path.

I don’t want to sum up his great words, but he has left me no recourse.

He said that it is a problem in our lives to only give and not receive. It was Christmas morning, so his summation was our inability to see the gift, but with a twist – unless you can receive you cannot truly give.

I think he preaches the kindness of the trinity by saying that. It is also very true. It is much harder to receive than to give in a noisy, nosy world that wants us to purchase salvation. Or maybe that’s my interpretation.

Like any good homily, he made the congregation laugh and think, and think some more.

We are WAY better at giving than receiving.

For me, it is often true. I want to dominate, to be the smartest, the wittiest, the best. I also hate accolades for my efforts. I don’t like to be noticed although it is all I want – to be noticed.

I try, perhaps too hard, to GIVE as if it is charity to say nice things. Deep down, I’m always thinking bad thoughts, especially about myself.

So where do I end up? A sinner, like everyone else. But with good intentions.

In the Episcopal church, luckily, noone is smote due to doubt or rogue intentions.

You can always be late; you can be a woman and a bishop. You can be an openly gay bishop. You can examine doubt every day or every Sunday.

And I posit this: without doubt, my brother might be unemployed.

So I celebrate his words, which left me with questions and doubt, as the best interpretation of the mysteries of the season.

Being challenged and being allowed to analyze Christmas provided me joy for the miracle of the man who wanted to teach us all to doubt...

I'm a sucker for birthday's.

It was a wonderful day.