Year end lists are great. At best, someone’s feelings get hurt and they sob into their champagne glass while we all snicker, knowing they will be hitting the hard stuff within an hour. At worst, you are that person. Either way, here’s a hanky and a cigarette – and a shot of whatever you prefer.
#1: Me. I kind of liked me this year.
#384: You. I kind of liked you, unless I didn’t.
#3: 3 is a magic number – no more no less – it is a magic number!
#9: The WEATHER. A tornado, a hurricane and a pesky October snow storm AFTER the winter of my misery. You go, Gaia!
#18: Travis, the neighbor downstairs. Because I know so much about every detail of his life because he fights with his ex on the phone and makes cursing into an art form, and because I encountered him on the (shared) back porch many months ago and showed him the front porch…which shouldn’t be a mystery as each unit has a front porch. Travis: “Wow, this is really cool!” Me: “Yup, it’s totally cool. “ Thinking to myself: If you look up there’s a thing called the sun. And when it gets scary dark this thing called the moon appears.
# 13: Television. I love television because I am an addict. ( I have to pause to note that the neighbor downstairs is once again yelling at someone, so television is a default to drown him out. Oh Travis!) There was a lot of good TV this year.
#13.a.) I theorize that I heart the tee vee because I am not disciplined enough to be a philosopher. A priori whatever – I feel both welcomed and rejected by what I watch. And I watch commercial free. The message always seems to be one of attainment.
#13b.) Even without commercials I seem to get the message that I am fat and ugly and should buy something.
#13c.) Perhaps this is true. Using the rigorous rules of philosophy I can both assume this is true and assume it is equally not true.
#13.d.): Can I apply this to the Kardashian’s?
#13.d.1.: Can I prove the Kardashian’s exist?
#13.d.2.: No. But there’s a lovely cat in a box somewhere that needs rescuing.
# 830: I irrationally hate Emily Dickinson. I like to sing her poems to the theme tune of “Gilligan’s Island”. Try it – you will be amazed.
#5: Dirty martini’s. How come nobody told me about this? Bastards, all of you.
#12: Fake nostalgia. Grrr…. Let’s be honest, the only mammals that deserve to be nostalgic are polar bears.
#2: The ocean. I love the ocean, all of it. I can’t believe (although I do believe) that there’s a huge , miles long thing of our detritus floating around the Pacific. We should stop doing destructive things soon. Let’s start with just a little easy thing: no more plastic bags.
#4: Prostitutes. Everyone's a whore, a slut, but noone is a prostitute. Like that old sad Sondheim song, "Send In The Clowns" I would like Bloomberg to send back the Ho's. I worry about them when I can't see them, just like the homeless.
#1 for real: Democracy. Not capitalism – democracy. Like the planet, the inhabitants are moving and growing and changing. I hope it is the end of imperialism and neocon dirty politics, because I embrace the end of any empire that thinks that democracy equals capitalism. Even if I call myself a citizen.
Add your thoughts, please! Happy New Year.