ME: That &@#%* soda machine stole 12 bucks from me.
HIM: TWELVE BUCKS?! But a soda costs only 75 cents!
ME: Yeah, but the machine stole from me 16 times.
HIM: SIXTEEN TIMES?! This week?!
ME: Over the last 14 months.
HIM: Why did you keep trying to buy from it?
ME: Co-workers kept showing me tricks on how to make it operate.
HIM: Did the tricks work?
ME: For a while.
HIM: And then what happened?
ME: It would steal from me again, and I'd walk downstairs, to use the other machine.
HIM: Why did you come back?
ME: Lazy. I buy 10 cans a week.
HIM: So it worked most of the time?
ME: Yeah. Then it would steal from me, and I'd get pissed off.
HIM: And you'd walk downstairs?
ME: Yeah. Until I got lazy again. This machine is 20 steps away from my desk.
HIM: Why didn't you report these incidents when they happened?
ME: You work days, I work graveyard.
HIM: But surely you could leave me a note?
ME: 75 cents is not enough to quibble about.
HIM: But now you're asking for 12 bucks?
ME: I figured it was about time.
HIM: Really?
ME: Yeah. I'm not lying, you know.
HIM: 12 bucks is a lot of money.
ME: The stupid machine stole more than that from me.
HIM: Really?
ME: Yup. I'm actually underestimating.
HIM: You really lost that much money?
ME: Yeah. I'm stupid. And lazy. Look...
HIM: And you expect me to hand over 12 bucks?
ME: Why don't you get the machine fixed? It steals from everybody.
HIM: It works well enough for most people. Why not for you?
ME: Hey, at least 6 other people have told me that machine stole from them, too. But you really enjoy this, don't you?
HIM: Enjoy what?
ME: Watching the machine steal our money and then grilling us, when we come begging for quarters.
HIM: You're pulling my leg, aren't you?
ME: Nope. OK, this is way too much trouble. Forget about it. [Walking away.]
HIM: Don't walk away from me. Here's the 12 dollars.
ME: I don't want your 12 dollars.
HIM: Take the 12 dollars. But next time you lose money, come to me right away.
ME: I'm not taking your 12 dollars. And I won't beg for quarters. But you know that machine steals. Why not fix it?
HIM: The soda machine doesn't STEAL. It MALFUNCTIONS.
ME: Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you were in love with it.