Ok, guys, you’ve done it. Writing about scallops (and beets! Someone was writing about beets some time ago, and it made me drool), even as a silly metaphor, has given me a craving. In case some of you are in the same predicament, here is an authentic Mainer recipe (well, by way of an Alby) for scallops and bacon in one dish (sorry, Cam!); in honor of, but not strictly in time for, Foodie Tuesday.

If you must, for your budget’s sake, spend less on the ingredients, please omit the saffron. Use regular table salt, box pasta, store brand butter. Under no circumstances should you scrimp on the fish. Buy fewer, if you must, but buy fresh. That’s all I’m gonna say on the topic.

3 slices thick-cut bacon, or 4 slices pancetta (I use pancetta when I am flush, bacon when I have to cut back)

1 bunch beets with tops

1-2 cloves garlic

½ cup white wine (I recommend Pinot Grigio)

1 pint (8oz) heavy cream

4 large fresh sea scallops

6 jumbo gulf shrimp

6 oz angel hair or thin spaghetti

1 tbsp unsalted butter

2 Roma tomatoes, cored and coarsely chopped

3 tbsp cilantro

3 oz Pecorino Romano, grated

Pinch saffron

Pinch salt & pepper (I’ve been using pink Himalayan salt)

Chop tops off beet roots and trim. Add beats and tops to cold salted water and bring to a boil (a method taught to me by my Polish grandmother, who always insisted root vegetables should only be first immersed in cold water). Cook just until tender and let beet roots slip from jackets. Remove beets and tops from cooking liquid, but reserve liquid in pot and leave at a boil. Allow beets to cool slightly. Add pasta to beet cooking water and cook until al dente. Drain, and add butter (depending on how fresh your pasta is, the beet water will add a slight purple-y color to the pasta).

Meanwhile, in a heavy saute pan, cook bacon/pancetta over medium heat just until crisp. Remove bacon/pancetta, drain on paper towels, and chop fine. Season scallops and shrimp with saffron, salt and pepper. Increase heat to medium high and add scallops and shrimp to saute pan. Turn and sear other side, then remove and reserve. Cooking should take about a minute per side, max. I beseech you, do not overcook the scallops. At this point, you just want slightly browned outsides and undercooked insides. The seafood will finish cooking later.

Add garlic to saute pan. Cook for 1-2 minutes. Add ½ cup white wine and reduce by half. Add cream and reduce again. Add cilantro and tomatoes and cook for about 1 minute. Add scallops and shrimp to warm. Add cream sauce, scallops and shrimp to pasta and mix well. Slice beets to desired thickness and arrange on plate. Top with pasta and seafood mixture. Garnish with fresh cilantro, grated Romano, and chopped bacon, and be sure to take your Lipitor.

This dish will feed 4 normal people and 2 dairy addicts.