and i cant't stand u, either

I do not trust men.

I do not trust men.

I prefer their company,

yet i have an intense, 

inate distrust.

Except for Scylla.

(i consider him  honest)

and james emm,

(i consider him honest)

though,

sometimes,

I don't trust him

either.

He… Read full post »

and i cant't stand u, either

I do not trust men.

I do not trust men.

I prefer their company,

yet i have an intense, 

inate distrust.

Except for Scylla.

(i consider him  honest)

and james emm,

(i consider him honest)

though,

sometimes,

I don't trust him

either.

He… Read full post »

Oh god,
What I would've done differently...
I would've learned to hug you
even in awkward moments
when one
or both of us
held on to having
too much pride.
I would've recognized
your sincere pleas
and devotion
your undying love for all
of us.
Your shame and regret.
I would've made my forgiveness
more obvious.
And… Read full post »

Elliott Smith:Activity's killing the actor

My mother is dead and this ignorant bitch has the audacity to send me this comment:

"Heaven? Hardly.

I'm sorry for your loss, but your mother was reckless, ignorant and evil for her entire adult life. She will spend eternity in a much warmer clime." Read full post »

Sadly, my mother passed away late afternoon yesterday.

December 17th, 2011.

I still have a hard time believing this.

She was my best friend.

And she was sick--yes.

But,  I have seen that stubborn old soul

recover from many, many things.

Why didn't she hint to me

that she was… Read full post »

Sadly, my mother passed away late afternoon yesterday.

December 17th, 2011.

I still have a hard time believing this.

She was my best friend.

And she was sick--yes.

But,  I have seen that stubbornold soul

recover from  many, many things.

Why didn't she hint to me

that she was leaving?… Read full post »

there's something nice
about watching
another creature
enjoy it's food,
even if
you deny yourself
the same privilege.
For a moment,
maybe,
you feel giving
and you forget
that you hate yourself.

I was wondering if you ever listen to songs on repeat.
I do this to the point of being annoying.
Woodpile don't read my shit.
It seems impossible,
but I believe if he were patient enough
he would get my language.
I know he has the ability,
but don't get it yet;
Why he doesn't see IT??
“Oh Honey...&rdquo/… Read full post »

how wreckless

how cruel

how incoherant 

how awful.

it always ends up the same

yet another cowardly

and smart man

running for his life.

i look like shit.

i am quiet, for once.

Now what to say?

He very blatantly admits

to feeling no more.

His honesty is believable

and disheartening.… Read full post »

Woodpile no longer loves me.
Has not been in love in a few months.
What could be crueler?
Pretending to be in love
to keep the other quiet.
Let's me sell my car,
become reliant on him,
and then
pulls a rug
straight out from under my feet.
I think I may have
seriously fucked up my ankle last… Read full post »

The inner turmoil does not relent.
I know people think that i look like
I must like halloween
or even be one of it's founders,
but that has never been the case...

I remember, cleary,
a few years ago,
I was two days fresh out of detox...
I took my grown autistic brother  and the dog
begging for candy.
My… Read full post »

can't sleep, genius.
wanted to call you, but knew you'd be asleep.
work is okay.
my companion still sucks.
stuck.
two kitties of mine,
lost in one month.
what is a girl to do??
let it all go??
i've done that before.
then i collapse,
with nothing left
except my cans of
7.5%
pabst.
so sick of that shit.
the owner… Read full post »

Needy.

I am needy and I deserve to die.

My depression

is driving everyone away from me.

I don't know why

I can't enjoy things--

act normal--

or be this way,

but it is, again,

creating quite the barrier

between

me and them.

I smile

and hide.

Secretly

clawing… Read full post »

Insomnia now.

Fucking website.

I just lost a whole post.

This work is heartwrenching to no avail.

I was speaking of

a rich lover I had captured

who lived in New York

and was convinced I had bedbugs.

Growing up filthy,

I found this offensive.

Checked under my mattress, at his… Read full post »

"God, I'm at the bottom of my life."

(No cause for alarm.)

I don't love me,

he don't love me

and i desperately need someone to talk to.

No one listens to me.

I need to be on the verge of suicide

in order for someone to listen.

Maybe I whine… Read full post »

Stupid me.

So desparately sad

and trying so hard to act normal.

I dont know which me i hate more.

I have watched

all of those 

who had faith in me

become distant.

It's embarrassing but what am I to do about it now?

My love now,

he's starting to really… Read full post »

Nobody home.

(Up there).

Don't look at me.

Don't see me.

Don't see me?

Pretend and listen.

I suffer and wait

because I believe 

I will eventually 

be rewarded.

Have a reason

for all of this grief.

I am ungrateful

much of time...

hoping to expire.

********************************************… Read full post »

"And all I ever wanted was everything from you...

Except everything you had...

And what was left after that, too..."

-Florence and the Machine

Some of them

think I'm so great,

the rest know better.

A small fraction

sees me for what I'm worth

and still love me...

I appreciate… Read full post »

Does anyone believe in God??

I want to...

but, I must admit,

I don't notice Him often.

I look

somewhat

urgently.

Always some sort of

 vague

 urgency

dwelling inside me.

Looking for

 peace

 or solace

 or closure

 or forgiveness.

I am restless, figidty… Read full post »

Does anyone believe in god??

I want to...

but, i must admit,

I dont notice him often.

I look

somewhat

urgently.

Always some sort of

 vague

 urgency

dwelling inside me.

Looking for

 peace

 or solace

 or closure

 or forgiveness.

i am restless, figidty and bored.… Read full post »

i need only a speck of love in my life,
sir.
that is why i have no residence...

i am too smart to get residential.

otherwise there would be serious animal control issues....


like: well, the rats are suffering...

oh sir who aint suffering in this lowdown world?

...............................................… Read full post »