Sisters, circa 2001 (all rights reserved)
My sister is in her sophomore year of college. She was a Biology major. I say "was" because this week she switched it - to Environmental Management. The reason? Genetics class - she didn't want to have to finish genetics.
Now, my mom, sister, and I are close. We all call each other for advice (primarily I call Mom, Mom calls me, and my sister calls both of us, for now anyway). I could tell when they were both talking to me about my sister's impending decision that they weren't sure what I'd say. After all, I was a biology person (biochemistry to be exact), and my dissertation was on genetics. I've always been very quick to offer my sister help with her genetics and bio homework. Maybe they thought I'd be all "oh my god, you can't do that! Genetics is awesome! You shouldn't be having trouble in that class! How can you turn your back on biology!!" lol (She's probably going to read this and think I'm nuts, that she hadn't actually thought that and I was imagining the cautious approach to the topic - maybe I was). And maybe it was mixed with their own personal reservations about a major change.
My mom was very adamant about the positive aspects of a major change on my sister's part. The job prospects, the lack of needing a class with a prof she just didn't get (he's the only one on her campus, she was stuck), keeping her GPA up so she can remain in the Honors college, and a list of other things. I didn't disagree, in fact my sister and I had discussed those very things when she called me about it before making her decision, a day before my mom called to tell me she had gone through with the switch.
My sister and I have always had somewhat of a legacy issue. I'm 11 years older than her. So there was a pretty large time frame for her to look ahead at what I had done and was doing - and I did leave a pretty big shadow (not bragging, really, people always compared my siblings to me - I was older and did well in school - it drove my rebel brother nuts). In my family college was an expectation, and part of that expectation for my sister was biology (partly her own plan for marine biology, but it was the course many in our family take - lots of nurses in the group). I did all the right things as a teen - I was in the Honor Society (President of it in fact), got good grades, did well on the SATs, I did my homework before playing, I didn't date, I helped around the house, blah blah blah (even I hate me when I run through it like that lol). And even in college I was a good student (mostly, but I had a job too). My sister was about 11 when she let me in on a revelation.
Being a college student, when I was home on holiday from school I went out drinking with some friends. I came home to my 11-year-old sister still up watching TV while Mom slept. We talked about various aspects of college and adulthood that made my sister declare "Oh thank goodness. You're NOT perfect!" This inevitably made me giggle, but of course I had to ask her what she meant. (I paraphrase) "I'm in your shadow, and I didn't think I'd be able to live up to that. But now I know you're not perfect, so I'm ok". This shocked me, because I had never thought of it that way until then.
So what I always tell my sister is that it's her life. Her decisions. Her choices. And as long as she's happy and working towards having the life she wants, it doesn't matter. The choices I make shouldn't deter her from or force her in any direction. So though being able to discuss advanced biology concepts with my sister would be fun, the real legacy I want to leave as an older sister is a happy baby sister who has the whole world ahead of her.
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rated with love.
Catherine was a jock, and a grit, which means she was a soccer star and she also smoked and did drugs. Catherine was cool. Catherine was exciting. She brought me to parties, where she didn't let me drink. She had rough friends. She gave me my first cigarette when I was ten. We smoked in our raincoats as we walked down the street in the fog. I'm sure I didn't inhale, because I remember going through 7 cigarettes. When I was 12 and my friends snuck a cigarette into the woods and wanted to share it, I said no. I didn't like the taste. They thought I was a coward. I thought that was pretty funny. Catherine kind of disappeared when she turned 16 and learned to drive, though. I was 12.
When I was 13 I had a chance to enter the popular club if I would smoke pot. I chose not to, and lost friends and status. At that point I realized something. If Catherine had been my age and in my class, we would not have been friends. I would not have liked her.
I didn't drink until New Year's Eve my senior year. I was famous for seeming high when I was only having a good time. Some of my friends were mad at me when I finally got drunk. I had been their role model. When it came to drink and drugs, I was a goody two-shoes. Of course I never smoked.
When I was 21, Catherine called me on the phone. She said she was not going to drink or do drugs anymore. She said I had always been her inspiration. Wow.