Rick Santorum to Start Dating Site for Single Moms

I had you going there for a minute! Not since Dan Quayle’s rants against Murphy Brown have we seen a GOP prez hopeful blame the ills of the world on unmarried and divorced mothers. Guess we were wrong when we thought Wall Street and the Big Banks were responsible for the meltdown. I feel so incredibly empowered!

Let’s face things, Mr. Santorum. The odds are stacked against you that you’ll capture the hearts or votes of even the most staunch of conservatives. Given the country’s disdain for career politicians, I think I’ve found the perfect business opportunity after you throw in the towel.

Why not start an internet dating site for single moms? But, none of that hanky panky stuff that happens on all those other websites. Any man who signs up must take a vow to never, ever ask a woman to text compromising photos. Don’t even think of messaging a woman if you don’t intend to marry her and give her a few more kids. After all, according to the GOP, the more kids you’ve birthed or sired, the stronger your character. Unless, of course, those kids were born to a woman who never said “yes to the dress.”

Just think of how much you’d accomplish! We know you proclaimed during a recent radio interview that “the GOP strategy for reducing the Democratic advantage should be to marry off all the single mothers who lean on government for support.” Why stop there?

Of course, we know you support the Federal abortion ban, even in cases of rape and incest. You have voted down teen pregnancy prevention and support Title V Abstinence Only Programs. You oppose birth control and abortion coverage for low income women.

So, let’s be clear that no way, no how are any guys who sign up for this site “getting lucky” till after the wedding vows. And just to up the ante, let’s make everyone sign that pesky little contract you and Michelle Bachmann signed with the preamble that slavery was a good time for black families. That way we can make sure nobody gets divorced -- or votes for a Democrat!