Allan Goldstein

Allan Goldstein
San Francisco, California, USA
July 20
Allan Goldstein is a San Francisco-based writer, newspaper columnist, blogger, and author of the novel your cat would write if your cat could write a book: The Confessions of a Catnip Junkie. Available on Amazon in print and Kindle editions. He lives in the city with his amazingly tolerant wife, zero kids, and at least one cat. You can find his archived writings and links to his book on his website,


Allan Goldstein's Links

NOVEMBER 13, 2014 3:16PM

The Sissy Cynic’s Guide to Ebola

           Ebola   What makes the Ebola epidemic unique in all of human history? Different from smallpox, different from polio, different even from HIV AIDS?

            This time, people/Read full post »

Demon Soda

            The political geniuses of San Francisco have an idea. They want to put a two-cent-an-ounce tax on soda. Their reasoning, if you can grace it with that description, is that soda is toxic and bad for the people.

 &nbsRead full post »

JULY 1, 2014 6:22AM

Repeal the Second Amendment.

         Ban Guns     Deadlines being what they are, I’m not sure which gun tragedy will be foremost on your mind when you read this column. I am confident, however, that there will be one. Somebody shot up a campus, a mall, a workplace, to/Read full post »

           Snowden Obama Putin   Ever since NSA’s illegal spying was leaked, we are required to have an opinion about the leaker. Is Edward Snowden a hero or a traitor? It’s not so much a question as a litmus test.

     Read full post »

          Terms of Service    The cosmic mysteries of existence will be exposed in this column. But first, a few words from our sponsor, Print on Paper.

            Ladies and Gentlemen, we are witn/Read full post »

MARCH 13, 2014 6:02AM

Dear Hillary, Announce Now

           Hillary looking presidential   If the headlines coming out of Ukraine aren’t keeping you awake at night, here’s a terrifying thought that should. There is exactly one credible Democratic candidate to replace president Obama in 2016: Hillary Cl/Read full post »

FEBRUARY 13, 2014 5:20AM

How not to make a revolution

    Futility        Three essential elements must come together to make revolutionary change: A program, a party, and leaders. Movements without leaders are doomed to fail.

            For a while/Read full post »

Political Correctness

            Is there a modern cultural phenomenon more widely reviled than political correctness? In the forty years it’s been with us, I can’t recall a single person claiming to like it.

      &nRead full post »

DECEMBER 16, 2013 6:28AM

The Case for Market Socialism

          Money versus people  Here is the central economic paradox of our times.  There is enough to go around.  But it’s not getting around enough.

            This is not an abstract probl/Read full post »

NOVEMBER 11, 2013 6:27AM

Ballots, Battlefields or Baseball

       bat and ball     Let us now pause and give thanks for an odd-numbered year.  For me, the best thing about this “off-year” November was that I could mostly ignore a trivial election and concentrate on what truly matters during the laRead full post »

OCTOBER 7, 2013 6:19AM

The Default Revolution

    America and money         This how the Republicans wage politics.  They shove a hand grenade in our faces and say, “Do it our way or we pull the pin.”  We tremble, chastise, plead and pray.  And then, at the last second, afte… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 4, 2013 5:40AM

Staying Straight in Sochi

       Stop the Gay!      Greetings Olympians of all nations!  Welcome to Mother Russia, home of no sun, no fun, and no sissies.  We hope you enjoy your stay in Sochi, “The Antidote to Club Med.”

     &nbRead full post »

AUGUST 6, 2013 5:50AM

The Unlovely Profit Motive

           Profit  What is the matter with profit?  Profit is the wondrous invention that has brought us all the miracles of our capitalist world, right?

            But there is somet/Read full post »

JULY 9, 2013 5:30AM

Supreme Court Schizophrenia

          The real conservative    Last month, on consecutive days, the Supreme Court struck a blow for sexual equality and dealt a body blow to racial equality.  One is tempted to say they blew it.

         &nRead full post »

JUNE 11, 2013 5:41AM

A call from Justice

        Justice     Life isn’t fair.  What is it within our souls that makes us cringe at those words?  They’re true, aren’t they?  They’re drummed into every child by the age of five, when she first drops a/Read full post »

MAY 8, 2013 5:03AM

Perchance to Dream

A better world?

            I’ve been spending some time on the blogs lately and wow, the rage and hopelessness are overwhelming.  Rage from the cuckolded tea party, rage from the flummoxed left.  And everyone’s outrage is The WorstRead full post »

APRIL 18, 2013 4:46AM

Disempowering Terrorism

          civilization   Not this time.  This time, we will not be terrorized.  We refuse to give you that power.

            We don’t yet know your name, but we know precisely wh/Read full post »

The Canary Speaks

            The jobless recovery was making me crazy.  I had so many questions!  Is there a place for me in this new economy?  Are all the creators doomed to be creatively destroyed by the Internet experiment in free everythRead full post »

        Political noise     The deepest divide in politics isn’t between the right and the left.  The greatest gap is between the politics of show and the politics of go.

            The/Read full post »

FEBRUARY 6, 2013 5:33AM

The Twilight of the False Gods


            A plague of phoniness stalks the land.  Liars, cheats and hypocrites infest the public square.  Can you smell it, my friends?  That is the rich, redolent stink of bullshit.  Everywhere you turn, someone is sRead full post »


            The following secret recording of the first and only meeting of Greedaholics Anonymous was smuggled out of the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, stuffed down the bra of the attaché working as a “comfort girl” toRead full post »

DECEMBER 4, 2012 5:14AM

Victory in the Culture War

      Peace      Let the word go forth this holiday season.  Glory, glory hallelujah, the culture war is over.

            November 6th, 2012, was VC day, the day the fifty-year war for th/Read full post »

NOVEMBER 2, 2012 5:00AM

Romney fakes left, scores

    Mitt heads left         Here’s what I was wondering, watching the debates, as Romney betrayed every position and promise he made to the GOP base in the most blatant, insincere attempt at political whitewashing in modern electoral history:

&nbsRead full post »

OCTOBER 4, 2012 5:56AM

Obama wins? So what?

Sad Obama

            We’ve all seen the first presidential debate.  Barack Obama was flat as a bug on Mitt Romney’s windshield.  But I don’t think it changed anything.  I’m going out on a very shaky limb and sRead full post »

SEPTEMBER 5, 2012 10:39PM

Debunking debunking

        Debunker    I was innocently chilling at home the other day when my TV brutally assaulted me with yet another show about how bad America is.  We’re number one in nothing, our schools suck, our health stinks, our politics toxic as sal/Read full post »