So, I found an old cassette tape buried in a box of CDs a few nights ago. I pulled it out with a mixture of curiosity and astonishment—how the hell had it survived over 20 years worth of wear and tear from long-term storage and countless moves?… Read full post »

I read an excerpt in Skinny Bitch about a factory farm employee who sliced off the tip of a pig's snout—“like a piece of bologna”—and threw salt in its face, just to watch it squeal.

That was the moment I decided to become a vegetarian. I mean sure, the… Read full post »

A friend asked me via email yesterday why I started smoking again.  This post was my reply—with just a little more polish.

I started smoking again, for like the fourth time in my life, back in November. I didn't tell a soul, not even my boyfriend, who I lived with.

I… Read full post »

This morning I just couldn’t get out of my car. “Bloodbuzz Ohio” was working on my head and it seemed rude to interrupt the song. So I sat and watched the remaining parking spots  fill up.

People popped out of their cars like jacks-in-the-box, casually throwing an arm over the… Read full post »

If someone were to ask me how long it takes to feel adjusted in a new place, I'd say thirty days.  Of course, that depends on numerous personal circumstances, so maybe this answer only applies to me. But it seems like a nice round number. Anyway, right… Read full post »

I never thought I would miss carpet. Itchy-ugly-just-begging-for-me-to-spill-a-glass-of red-wine-carpet.  What-the-HELL-is-that- another-pile-of-cat-barf-SCRUB SCRUB SCRUB-carpet.

Right. So I’ve always wanted hardwood floors. The quality stuff, the kind from another era that have some nic… Read full post »

Drowning noise with more noise!

So I found an apartment. And it’s gorgeous. I sign the papers on Friday.

I’ve begun to dismantle our spare bedroom, which mainly houses items leftover from my move over 16 months ago that I just couldn’t find the right spot for. And leaning against the door jam, big glass… Read full post »

I’m going to start this post with an apology. I forgot that I created a feed on OS to my Tumblr page, which resulted in a glut of annoying posts that consisted mainly of retweets and one-liners that weren’t meant for this blog. Problem fixed, sorry about the weirdness.

I’ve… Read full post »

SNOW DAY!!!

That is all.

Going back to bed now.

A few days ago at the gym, as I walked toward the bank of treadmills, I noticed a guy giving an elliptical machine the workout of its life. I mean he was going totally ape-shit crazy. Not only had he placed a large towel underneath the pedals to catch his sweat,… Read full post »

I’d be rolling my eyes a lot less if it actually came with a penis.  Introducing the Boyfriend Pillow. Read full post »

A co-worker entertained some travel writers last night at a local bourbon lounge.  Their server, a guy in his forties, greeted them and said he’d return with water for the table.  He then walked to the bar and suddenly hit the floor. He was dead.  EMS pumped his chest while every… Read full post »

It’s the simple pleasures in life. Read full post »

I did a bad, bad thing.

I switched cat foods.

And if you have cats, you probably know that you are never, ever, ever supposed to switch cat foods. Ever.

This makes sense, given how the old switcheroo on anyone’s diet could be jarring to the system.

And I know… Read full post »

Never has a lifestyle choice come under such scrutiny than that of my decision to not eat meat.

Among the litany of questions:

“Where do you get your protein?” (By far the most common, and most irritating.)

“I don’t understand. How can you have gone your whole life eating meat… Read full post »

First of all, before I get to the meat of this post, or maybe I should say meat-substitute, I’d like to say that this was originally an email to my best friend.  As I wrote, all casual –like, I thought, “hey I should blog this.”  This isn’t the first time that'… Read full post »

One of my favorite books is an 86-pager by Elizabeth Wurtzel called Radical Sanity: Common Advice for Uncommon Women. I discovered the book in grad school and devoured it in about two hours. The chapters are witty, brief and powerful, with titles like “Don’t Clear the Table at a Dinner Pa… Read full post »

I hate being one of those people who complain about the weather, but I’m going to be one of those people who complain about the weather. Just for a sec.

It’s rained all week and I cannot seem to shake the damp stickiness that clings to my hair, skin and clothes. Why… Read full post »

I stepped into the darkened bathroom, the upper half of my right foot landing on the dampened bathroom rug, the other half on the cold—and wet—tile. Hoping I hadn’t stepped in an extra runny puddle of cat barf, or any other kind of feline bodily fluid for that matter, I stopped… Read full post »

So far on my time off, I've rearranged and cleaned the kitchen and pantry, visited the orthodontist, the dentist, and done many, many loads of laundry.

And Andrew says I don't know how to unwind. 

What he doesn't know, however, is that I enjoy household projects.  I like to… Read full post »

Me, as I walk past Andrew: “Hey baby, great job on rearranging the kitchen today. It looks really good. And for cleaning and organizing the pantry. That looks good too.”

Me, still walking: “Hey, thanks baby.”

Andrew: “Wow, that was kinda psycho.”

Me,  walking… Read full post »

Living together means that a back scratch from Andrew will always involve a grab for the boob.

So, it’s Sunday, ten after eleven and I’m in bed. Nothing necessarily wrong with this scenario, however, I am on vacation and it feels like I've broken a rule. Something about thou shalt… Read full post »