Living abroad, I’ve come to find that there’s no single moment when I’ve felt most American. Rather, it’s an almost everyday occurrence.
I’ve never been patriotic, and I chose to leave my homeland because I fell in love with another country. But when you move to a foreign locale, no matter how much you don’t feel that you’re a particular nationality, you can’t help but find that you’re different from those around you. Like it or not, you’ve been shaped by where you grew up.
I speak, read, write, and (mostly) understand French fluently, I follow French pop culture and the news (admittedly, the former much more than the latter). I love French history and my chosen home city. Among my French and international friends, I’m the go-to girl for finding the best Metro route. I’m integrated. And yet….
Well, first there’s my accent. I think I must blend in pretty well here, since people regularly approach me for directions on the street. The minute I open my mouth, though, there’s no question I’m not one of them. No matter how well I speak or how efficient and informed my answer is, their response is always, “Where are you from?” or sometimes, for those who’ve worked with my compatriots or lived in the States, “Oh! You’re American!”
At which point we must then have a conversation about their own personal experiences with America. With an average of five or six weeks of vacation per year, the French are great travelers, and many of them have visited the States, or plan to go soon, or know someone who has. And so, I try to answer their questions about New York or the East Coast, or find myself apologizing that I don’t know anything about Miami and that I don’t really know California well. Sometimes I have to nod politely through a long story about how someone’s second cousin is currently living in Kansas. And then, the French person and I part ways, with me wondering if, after all that, they’ve remembered the directions they asked for in the first place.
There are other things that make me feel American quite regularly, and they say a lot about two major world powers’ different standards of living. What it mostly comes down to, I’ve found, is age. The people of Europe have lived on their continent since time immemorial, and it’s hard to really change certain old standards, even when you’d think they’d want a change. Anyone who’s ever had the misfortune to find that a charming French bistro only offers a “toilette à la Turque”, i.e., a ceramic-lined hole in the ground, for clients to do their business in, knows what I’m talking about.
With a few exceptions, including cell/smart phones, the French don’t take easily to most modern conveniences. I’ll use toilets to illustrate my point again. I could write a whole post about the difference between the toilet situation in America and the toilet situation in France. Anyway, a few years ago, my boyfriend and I visited a friend who was staying with his parents in an affluent suburb of Lyon. The house was a good size, with three bedrooms. But I was surprised to see there was only one bathroom – not even a powder room. The idea of adding another one had never occurred to them. This experience came back to me recently, when we consulted an architect about some changes we want to make to my boyfriend’s apartment, in preparation for starting a family. When I asked about the possibility of our bedroom having a very small half-bath attached, both my boyfriend and the architect burst out laughing. It wasn’t the logistics that caused this; rather, they both asked me incredulously what on earth a small family would need more than one bathroom for?
I find it so easy to travel in the States, be it to the local supermarket, or across the country, because anywhere you go where there are gas stations, shops, or restaurants, you will find free, generally clean restrooms. In France, no store, no matter how large or prosperous, offers such a thing. Whenyou take a long trip, you usually have to rely on rest stops...whose "toilets" are often those aforementioned ceramic holes – and usually without toilet paper.
Let’s get out of the toilet. I also feel American when I go to the grocery store. Why are things like shampoo and lotion in such small bottles, but still in the same price range as their American equivalents? Why do I have to go to the pharmacy even for non-prescription drugs like aspirin and Sudafed? Though I’ve seen it millions of times by now, I still sometimes marvel and puzzle at how the milk here isn’t refrigerated, but sold in a square-shaped carton that somehow keeps it from going sour before the expiration date. Though I respect sacrifices for ecological reasons (and the French make many), I often get annoyed in spite of myself with their stinginess regarding plastic bags at the check out counter (I re-use them for trash bags).
Speaking of the check-out, there’s a world of difference between dealing with customers here, and the American concept of customer service I’m used to in the States. In America, even when you go to a Wal-Mart, someone is there just to greet you. It will sound like a stereotype, but I can honestly say that in most French shops and restaurants, shopkeepers, clerks, and servers seem more inconvenienced by your presence than anything else. It may be because, in the case of restaurants, the tip is already included in the price of a drink or meal. But then again, I still have a hard time imagining an American acting the same way.
I even feel American in our apartment. Not only because of my apparently ingrained love of American cheese and lemon iced tea. I also suffer from the lack of at least one major creature comfort: Like most people living in France, we don’t have air conditioning. It’s true that in Paris, this is really only necessary maybe for a month or two out of the whole year. I respect the fact that, besides saving money, not having an air conditioner is also environmentally friendly. But my American self, who grew up in what must have been a very hot-blooded family, is used to air conditioning.
Yesterday, the thermometer hit 93 (or 34 degrees Celsius – the different measurements are often another way I feel very American, especially the ones I just can’t seem to get, like kilometers). I exited the miserably hot Metro consoled by the fact that the office building where I’d be teaching English had air conditioning. But my students, who’d cooled down already, had turned it off. Even if they can appreciate artificial cooling methods, most French people are wary of them, and terrified of catching cold. My boyfriend even gets concerned when our small electric fan blows near our heads at night.
As I began the English lesson, I kept hoping that my flushed face and wilted appearance might provoke some concern, which would lead to turning the air back on. In Europe, hand-held paper or cloth fans are used by many people, just like in centuries past. This is probably the only charm of a hot day here for me. After about a half hour had passed, one of my students, observing that I was still fanning myself, said, “Oh, you haven’t cooled off yet?” I think that in general the French are less bothered by heat. I think they can adapt to it fairly quickly. Even during the hottest weeks of summer, the weather –men/-women sway uncertainly between listing the warning signs of heatstroke, and celebrating yet another sunny day. A month ago, I convinced my boyfriend that we should at least get a ceiling fan. Yes, even in a place with hot days and no air conditioning, ceiling fans are a novelty. My boyfriend agreed, noting that, after five years of visits to my family, he must have become influenced by the American way of life.
Not only do I often feel American in spite of myself, there are times here when I even feel downright proud and patriotic. Sometimes I roll my eyes at how expensive flip-flops are in France, and say “In America, I could go to just about any store and get a pair for next to nothing!” Sometimes I get a takeout meal and shake my head ruefully at the absence of napkins: “In America, I could just take wads of napkins if I needed them.” When we miss a show we would have liked to watch, I chide the TV screen, “In America, advertising for shows is inescapable. It’s almost impossible not to know what night a major program is on!” The French are generally well-groomed and bathe regularly, but there is a significant percentage of them who aren’t, and don’t. Frequently, on a crowded bus or train (especially an un-air conditioned one in summer) I discreetly cover my nose and think, “The French may make fun of Americans for being obsessively clean, but I sure bet they’d rather be squished among Americans right now!” Sometimes I even find myself getting weirdly choked up describing the meaning of Thanksgiving to my students.
On a less superficial level, I’ve come to think better of American relationships; as people had warned me, and as I’d always refused to believe, there’s generally a greater sense of gender equality in an American couple. Its French counterpart, no matter how advanced and evolved, will probably always come down to the man expecting the woman to cook his meals – even if she has a job and other time-occupying activities. People also tend to be more respectful towards a couple’s private life in America. Here, I am constantly asked when I’m going to have a baby – even by students, co-workers, and casual acquaintances. In America, this might happen, but not with the same predictable frequency. The cult of maternity is still strong – too strong, in my opinion – in France.
I also feel proud that Americans can be openly emotional – even excessively enthusiastic, if we want. If you give a French person a warm compliment, watch out: they may think you have a secret agenda, because they can’t believe anyone so excited could be sincere. Or, even if they believe you, they can’t imagine themselves getting so worked up – it looks undignified to them. The French idea of a compliment is usually – no joke – “Pas mal.” This translates to “Not bad,” but can be interpreted as anything from its literal meaning, to “Wow, this is absolutely mind-blowingly fantastic!” If it works for them, fine. But not all of them think it’s perfect; I often have students confess, “I think my job would be so much better if people around here were optimistic, like you Americans!”
Sometimes I feel very much in tune with the French – their respect for eccentricity and the avant-garde, their delicious pastries and breads, their endlessly fascinating history and culture, their beliefs about healthcare and vacations. In my Parisian neighborhood, I’m just another member of the community. I know my baker, my magazine shop owner, my butcher (who loves to regale me with tales of his nephew who lives in Miami…). I eat a piece of baguette with my dinner every night and celebrate the 14th of July, not the 4th.
But on the other hand, my American-ness will always stay with me. One day, I was walking near the Place de la Concorde, when a kind-looking old woman stopped me.
“Excuse me,” she said in French, “do you know what that building is?”
I explained to her, also in French, the significance of the building in question.
“Where are you from?” she inevitably asked me at the end of the conversation.
“America,” I answered, with my usual amendment of, “but I live here in Paris.”
“Well,” she remarked, “you certainly haven’t lost your accent.”
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froggy
Gerald Andersen
Eva T. Made Vaudeville
Joanne Harper
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Comments
After the French Revolution, and the wars that followed, such overt forms of flattery and friendliness became very unpopular throughout Europe, because it was seen as being too much like the old, janus-faced royal practices.
In America, by contrast, the common folks always aspired to royalty and constantly read Royal Ettiquette books about politeness and friendliness. George Washington and Ben Franklin were very big on popularizing these concepts among the American gentry, lower-gentry and even semi-literate farmers. It got to the point that when Alexis de Tocqueville visited America, he encountered countless farm girls trying to engage in court-like small talk and fancy french courtsies and the like (all fumbled, and messed-up, of course).
America was originally very dour and serious, but this changed, due to the importation of European royalty ettiquette books in the 1830s and 1840s, when common Americans tried to ape the mannerisms of European royalty. This, in no small part, was aided by the fact that America had a small population and lots of land, and your average middle class American had way more land than the average noble in Europe
Any place I go I think, jeez, I'd like to live here. Most of them (Malta was an exception, also Scotland) have Better Food. And lots of things appeal...but I know damn well that things I find quaint & amusing & exotic as a tourist would annoy me desperately as a visitor. I suspect the locals who are so pleasant to me as a (money-spewing) tourist would be annoyed with me as a tightwad resident...and one with an irredeemably English tongue...
Your inside views of living in France are endlessly interesting - for readers, it's sort of like being a tourist w.o. having to look for a toilet...
Joan – I’m glad you liked this and definitely don’t let it get you down about coming to France. If it were really all that terrible, I wouldn’t still be here! Plus, the croissants alone are totally worth it….
Rw – How fascinating! I’ve never heard this theory before. I always felt that the people who settled America were, in general, rebels. They say to do things like “tame” the American West, took a certain amount of spirit, and it was this and its associated lack of pretension that I found to be the reason behind all the (over?) emoting. Your theory is a really good one. I want to look into this. As for Europeans, some countries are known for being more emotional or expressive than others. For example, the English are admired by the French for their “phlegm” (stiff upper-lip, we’d say) but at the same time, I find them to be so friendly, and very down-to-earth seeming, even the upper-class English people I’ve met. The Italians are also known for being emotive, and I would agree, based on very brief impressions I had while travelling there. But there is a certain amount of reserve. I guess in your theory, the French would be among the most affected by this idea of not being overly enthusiastic or complimentary, since they’ve had many revolutions against royalty. There is also the root of the word “French”,which comes from “Frank”, a tribe that settled here and developed most of what evolved into modern French culture. The Franks gave their name to the adjective, meaning honest. The French pride themselves on this. Even though, like anyone else, they can certainly find ways to lie! Thanks for reading and for your intriguing comments.
Myriad – Ah, I see. Smart to travel when the weather at home doesn’t suit you. It’s true that a place can seem more magical through a visitor’s eye, though sometimes we can fall in love with a place on a visit and realize we want to spend our lives there – and be right about it. Much as I complain about Paris, I really do truly feel happy and at home here. I’ve met other people who’ve experienced the same thing in foreign countries, and have gone to settle there. So, you never know – you might one day end up settling in one of the places you visit!
"The French idea of a compliment is usually – no joke – “Pas mal.” This translates to “Not bad,” but can be interpreted as anything from its literal meaning, to “Wow, this is absolutely mind-blowingly fantastic!” "
I will go to Paris one day, and I will enjoy the experience so much more having read you. I loved this piece Alysa!
I kinda had to snicker at my friend's alarm.......because I've seen him do exactly the same thing on several occasions, the most dramatic when he yelled at a dining-room full of noisy teenagers and then quietly resumed eating his meal.
Of course, as an Anglo of Canadian upbringing, such behavior is pretty much out of the question for me.
But public toilets in American have a way to go as well. And my son in NYC (more like Paris) has one bathroom for four people.
Trust me I know.:)
rated with hugs
Had similar feelings in 91-92 in Britain. Really didn't stay long enough to truly get into British life.Must admit I steered toward interactions where what I liked about their national character outshone what I didn't like (example, Sunday Rambling clubs).
Only spent a couple of weeks in Paris, and I hated the a la Turk hole int the floor. The bread more than made up for that!
Starting a family, congrats on that!
♥R
But there is so much to like about France.
American cheese? Really?
Enjoyed.
I have been considering for months doing a blog entry on the adventure that is Mexican toilets but have not been able to work up any courage. You have given some courage, but still, I don't think enough.
Really comfortable piece to read.
Lezlie
Also hated to have to go to a pharmacy for aspirin. Can be inconvenient, as you can imagine.
finally an EP you truly and really deserve
and if you say you don't then we will all raise a ruckus...
(tease) (you deserve em all, all 60 of em)
With the tiniest bladder in the universe and a deep craving
for caffeinnated diet soda, i doubt i would ever leave
the hotel over there in France.
Even to get hot milk in a box
for my nightly dish of
oatmeal.
Even to
see all
the french gals sweating in their tiny miniskirts.
what the heck does a jersey gal sound like making those
weird pretty french words,
to a french fry?
ha---i have met a few French men & like to be above it all
like them up to the point
when i get all vulgar and enthusiastic
on them, just to see them squirm a bit.
i enjoy teasing
foreigners.
i am, after all, a New Englander.
whatever the hell that means.
(i enjoy making my r's go away and then come back,
like:" is my cah safely pahked in the pahking lot,
or do you think i should go move the motherrrr-f-errrrr
to a more better place, whattaya think, yo?")
i would be a hit in France.
within a 2 block radius of the hotel, which i assume got
restrooms?
The Parisians act and feel different and are less 'accepting' of non Paris born folk. The rest of France can be more welcoming. But then they all dislike us Brits.
We've been to war too many times I guess.
Personally I've never felt an American. You're too quick to sue.
Rated with an Ug.
Rw005g JUNE 29, 2011 10:36 AM..."
Yes, they chopped their heads orf in France. Helped us Brits no end, so the Spanish did it too.
Congrats on the EP!
R
i am an American who has visited France and while walking around alone, people would ask me for directions, which i found hilarious. ..i get that a lot of places, perhaps bc i'm full of it. :)
anyway, i understand your sentiments. i spend a lot of time in London and though it's not as different as here and Paris, things like air conditioning (when needed), or conveniently located shops to buy toothpaste and beauty supplies all-in -one are sorely missed after an extended stay. shopping at different places is often fun, especially for food: buy bread here, meat there; i am not a big super store kind of person. plus, i lived in Manhattan for years, so understand going from store to store for supplies in a city, but STILL! a long walk to pick up milk or a Diet Coke seems strange to me in a city.
anyway, i love all these different places and would probably be happiest rotating between them. when i get tried of one, switch.
Your comment about shampoo and things of that sort reminded me of the few months I spent living in Montreal (where it's possible to get by without French, 'though the Quebecois locals will scorn you). I was shocked by the prices of things like shampoo, soap, skin creams; tooth paste. I thought, "If you're not rich here, I guess you just have to be dirty..."
So when are you going to have a baby?
You are still very lucky!
A few striking differences I noticed were the general shape of French handwriting (almost always vertical, with round, fat letters--even in kids' primers and writing manuals, so this was apparently the ideal) and the oh-so-precise rules about what one should eat and when--I once got chided by an elderly professor for ordering a cafe creme after dinner--one only drinks coffee with milk in it, he told me, in the morning!
Well done - I think you did a great job in describing your life in France as American. I'd love to visit! But I'm not sure I'd like to live there ;)
p.s. Happy 4th of July from Virginia!
Your seasoned observations confirm my own, which helps, because I thought it might be me not behaving. Even the dogs are full of ennui. You scratch them behind the ears, and they endure you. How can a person live amongst all that beauty/history/bread/coffee and yawn? And oh yeah, the scary milk box.
My mother is Hungarian and they are generous with the compliments, for some reason. Hmmm etc.
Great post, terrifically rendered.
: )
I'm somewhat fascinated by something that sounds just like my family, but the French-ness of our clan is from WAY back, so it's hard to imagine why we're still like this...in my family I grew up feeling wary of anyone bearing gifts, because I'd been told there might be a secret agenda to that gift giving...same with emotions. Too much emotion is "unseemly"...
Maybe that is why I love my emotional expressions and celebrate them at every turn.
Woohoo!!
Yeehah!
OMG that is so bloody fantastic!
Yeeowza!
What the hell!!??
This drives my under-emotional husband crazy.
(Somebody's got to get wild around here...)
Also on clean US public bathrooms: I rarely see a clean bathroom when driving across our country, I wish I did see some kindness left by the previous occupant for the next woman....
The toilet seats all seem to have women's shoeprints ON the seat...with sprinkles all over from trying to pee while squatting on the seat, then they just leave this for the next woman. So gross. But after reading about the 'toilette a la Turque' I'll just be glad there are seats. : )
Thanks for writing! Now, how about the ketchup there....??
Myriad – My uncle lived in Italy for a few years and described similar transport-related scenarios. I think it really must be an Italian thing! I guess they are more emotive. I feel like when there are similar issues here, the French tend to get annoyed and self-righteous and broody, but certainly not extremely demonstratively angry. I’m so glad you and your “friend” didn’t experience anything more dangerous than road rage!
Jeanette – Thank you! Yes, I do believe that though there are some universally human experiences and emotions, we are all very different, based on where we grew up. It is weird when you realize it.
Rw – Another very interesting point. I’ve always thought that because the US was so anti-royalist, they could afford to mimic royal manners and such, without fear of retribution or beheading. In France during the Terror and a few of the 19th century revolutions, it was best to seem relatively low-key about being royal, to say the least.
Lea – I agree that public toilets in the US aren’t always the best. I guess I’ve just been lucky; no matter where I’ve travelled (and this has included a cross-country roadtrip), I’ve rarely if ever seen a truly disgusting bathroom for public use. I know they exist, though, and felt that making the generalization I did in my post, might be dangerous. As for four people sharing a bathroom, I, too, lived in New York and know it’s possible – but I feel like when you’re in a house, in the US there tends to be at least an extra half-bath. I mean, why wouldn’t someone want that? As my boyfriend grudgingly admits, Americans in general have a better sense of comfort and convenience than most Europeans. As for your son, if I find out how to make a miniscule second bathroom in our apartment here, I’ll pass on the trick : - )
Linda – I think you’re very right!
Rei – I enjoy the comparaisons, too, because they tell us so much about ourselves. And they can be funny. I’d love to read about your experiences in London; I’ve only been there two times, but the British seem like Americans with really cool accents and better chocolate. I’d love to read about the differences! Thanks also for your good wishes about having a family with one bathroom. I hold out hope that we may still find a solution….
sweetfeet – Thanks for reading, and I’m glad you enjoyed this! I have a student who says something similar: he thinks that if companies could combine American dynamism and optimism with French policies on work hours, vacations, and other matters, you’d have the perfect company.
another steve s – As I wrote to Rei, I’d love to read about an American’s experience in England! Thanks also for the good wishes.
Miguela – Thanks! Yes, I was intrigued by that comment, too.
neilpaul – Thanks for reading, and please give your wife a high five for me. Like England (see my responses to another steve s and Rei Momo), I feel like Germany would be an easier place for an American to adapt to…then again, I don’t think I’m right. I’d love to read your take on it! I also realize there are some regions of the US where people don’t all have air conditioning and multiple bathrooms. It’s funny what I feel makes me “American” doesn’t necessarily always truly encompass the American experience.
Fusun – “I never feel more Turkish than when I do here; and conversely, more Canadian when I'm abroad.” So, so well put. Something about living in a foreign country for a long time does fundamentally change us, even as we realize how much we have in common with the country of our birth.
toritto – Thanks!
Frank – That sounds like quite an adventure! I’m glad you noticed the body odor first-hand. I mean, not glad that you had to experience it, but that someone else can back me up. I don’t think all people here smell and I’m sure not all did where you were. But it’s so strange to realize that in the US, people generally don’t have BO. For better or for worse, depending on who you are and how you look at it. Some people say there is such a thing as “too clean”. Of course, I don’t personally believe them…
Stim – I’m glad this brought back memories of your trip…just not pleasant ones, unfortunately. But of course you’re right: all joking and complaining aside, France really is a wonderful place to visit and live. Also, I think you’re the only person so far who’s commented on the American cheese! Yes, I can’t help it – and the worst part is, in the States I only like deli-sliced white American, but here I will eat the pre-packaged stuff…and love it! I promise I also enjoy a lot of the French cheeses, too.
rita – Thanks, and it’s funny – the French seem to sometimes do that here. But I’ve found out that a lot of times it’s because they hear an Anglophone accent and think, “Ah, this is the perfect time to practice the English I took in school!” Not sure about the Quebecoise angle on that one, though… I’d be very interested to find out.
Brassawe – As soon as I read your comment, as you may or not know by now, I stopped writing these responses to PM you. We NEED a post on Mexican toilets! Please, please, from the bottom of my heart I beg you, please write that post!!!!
Steve – Merci – et mon compagnon est impressionné par ton français parfait.
Lezlie – “except the affect of most of the people and those Turkish toilets” made me crack up. The disdain you might have felt is often actually shyness. The French can be very intimidated by Americans because they’re ashamed they don’t speak better English. In fact, as you may have observed, a lot of French people speak perfectly functional English…but they torture and make fun of each other. So some of the attitude you got might just have been the embarrassment the person talking to you had, knowing that his co-workers/people around him were making fun of him. Anything else wasn’t necessarily bad feelings towards Americans in particular – the French are pretty grouchy towards anyone – even each other. I will say, in some places there is a bit of animosity towards tourists, but this often happens in big cities, I feel like. As for no AC, life here is hard without it – but life without AC in Atlanta would be just unthinkable! I know some people don’t have it, and adapt, but whoa. That is hardcore. Even French people I know who’ve been to the South agree that there, air conditioning is a must!
Mary – Thanks for reading, and I’m glad you enjoyed this. Yeah, I just don’t get why basic meds aren’t sold in grocery stores. I mean, there’s probably a reason and maybe even a good one, but it is not at all convenient.
James – You joker! Thank you. Even though I don’t deserve anything – so there! You also bring up a very big concern, and an unfortunate feature we share: small bladders. You can manage to plan ahead – for example, your hotel, as well as museums, and huge department stores (there are three in the city) do have bathrooms you can use. You could have a special map where you mark those sites. Then, if you choose your hotel wisely, you could probably see some wonderful things, even so. Beware Parisiennes in short skirts – they may have lovely legs and other appealing features, but my boyfriend points out that they’re not easy to live with, which is why he says he “took an American”. It is fun to make French people squirm with over-emotiveness…till you’re actually seriously emotional about something and they refuse to buy it or react. Lastly, I love how you ask what I sound like speaking French – and say you have a New England accent. It’s so weird how all of us here on OS read each other and often know lots of things about each other’s lives, yet rarely do we get to hear each other. I don’t have a New Jersey accent…except sometimes, very slightly, on words that have the “aw” sound, especially if I’m tired or trying to really prounounce it for my students (like today’s word: “flaw”). In French, I have a typically American accent (non-gutteral “r” ‘s, trouble with words that have a lot of “r” ‘s in them, drawn out vowels, up-and-down inflection rather than straight), though sometimes people ask if I’m German, which I take as a compliment, since the Germans tend to have less of a noticeable accent than we do. But I don’t often get that question…
Creekend – Paris is very different from the rest of France – in fact, I’m here because of Paris, not because of the rest of the country, which I find beautiful and fascinating, but not as much so as Italy. The Parisians do get a bum rap as being difficult, the snobbiest of the snobs, but for me, I think this really only applies to stuffy bourgeois Parisians, because first off, most people who live in Paris actually come from or have roots in the countryside or smaller cities, and secondly, I know many Parisians who were born and raised here, and they seem to be much cooler and more open-minded than some of their transplanted cronies. But yes, overall the Parisians have a reputation for supreme rudeness and sneering at everyone. There’s a newspaper, “Le Parisien” whose slogan is “Mieux l’avoir en journal” (It’s better in newspaper form”. – as opposed to a real Parisian.) And yes, we Americans can tend to be fast to file lawsuits – but sometimes it’s just a way to hopefully achieve the American dream!
Catherine – I didn’t know that about Spanish shopkeepers! Haha – I kind of understand! I mean, at least they have a goal, instead of just a generalized rudeness.
Susie – Americans can be sneered at here for many reasons, but no matter what, most tourist industry professionals, café owners/waiters, and others are very happy to help them, because they know they’ll probably get a tip – whether they deserve it or not! Generally, tips are not given, though you can give a few extra centimes or euros if the service was exceptionally good.
Nick – Thank you for reading and for your comment.
Tara – I know what you mean about the different shops – but I find that kind of charming. I think it’s because I love food shopping – it reassures me in some way, and I need reassuring, since I’m always stressed even when I shouldn’t be!
Scarlett – Thank you! And I think toilet talk almost always makes things more enjoyable : - )
Eva – That’s very interesting. I think here the small sizes are due to French habits and expectations – they tend in general not to shampoo and such as frequently as Americans. As for the price, we’ve noticed that many things that are a certain price in dollars, will be the same in euros…even though the currencies aren’t equal. But Montreal I don’t really understand. I mean, okay, different currencies but the export issues shouldn’t be as bad….
Cranky – I’m so thrilled you liked this post, that I’ll even forgive you for asking the baby question! : - ) But I have to disagree about what you said at the start: I’ve just read your post and I love it and even shared it with the boyfriend, so hah!
Abrawang – Whoa – that is a great and very well-put cartoon indeed! The French are obsessed with speaking correctly – I think it’s them showing respect for, and wanting to preserve, their language – but it can get so ridiculous – they end up mocking and critiquing each other, and not only when they speak French, but even if one of them has the slightest accent when speaking a foreign language. This, as I explained to Lezlie, makes them often afraid to speak English! Which gives me a job, since many of my students don’t really need that much help with English, just with their confidence level.
Luminous – Perfectly put!
Felicia – I’m glad you enjoyed this – and you point out some other very distinctive differences. The French are very set in their ways about eating, indeed. And that handwriting is definitely unmistakeable. I’m also constantly surprised that even young schoolkids aren’t allowed to use pencils – they have to use ink pens from an early age!
Kate – Thank you so much! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!
Isalina – Life without air conditioning is hard indeed. Our new ceiling fan does help…but it’s still not the same *sniff* And Happy Bastille Day from Paris!
Pam – Thanks for reading. Yes, unisex public bathrooms kind of freak me out, too. They have one at the movie theater near our house. I respect the French for not getting all caught up in privacy issues and whatnot…but I kind of feel like such a thing could be dangerous…. As for the accent, yes, I’ve heard that, too. I also grew up with a Polish grandfather who’d lived in the States for decades but still had a strong accent. That made me feel less bad about the fact that I’ll probably never lose mine. Not to mention the fact that, even if I really, really tried, I apparently talk too fast to take the time to enunciate like a French person, AND I’m slightly hard of hearing. Nope, all that says I’m forever doomed to talk like an American…..
greenheron – “Paris is such heaven that peeing down a hole is no big deal.” Thank you for reminding me of this…even though it’s not easy if you’re a clumsy girl like myself…. As for the dogs, haha – I hadn’t ever really thought of it like that, but for the little Parisian ones, you’re absolutely right! I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s puzzled by the milk box.
Sheila – Thanks for reading and I’m glad you enjoyed this. But PLEASE DON’T LET WHAT I’VE WRITTEN DISSUADE YOU FROM COMING HERE! I have a lot of bathroom issues, including IBS, but I would never tell anyone not to come here. As I pointed out to James, you can always plan to get a hotel in a central location if you’re worried about bathroom availability, and tourist attractions like museums have plenty of public bathrooms. I mean it more for travel/everyday life purposes. PLEASE, PLEASE COME HERE IF YOU CAN – YOU WON’T REGRET IT – PARIS IS A TRULY MAGICAL PLACE. AND THE REST OF FRANCE IS STUNNING.
fernsy – You crack me up. The air conditioning is worse in Italy, I feel like, because they don’t even have air conditioning in all of their museums! On the other hand, even the cheap hotels I’ve stayed at have had it, because the Italians are generally much more careful about the comfort of tourists, who bring in money (the French and especially the Parisians don’t seem to have grasped the latter part of that statement – or they have, but they still aren’t grateful). Whatever the case, it is still very, very much worth it to visit both places!!! Living in France is a delight, especially if you can find a place where at least some of the people are nice. As for living in Italy, I couldn’t say, but it’s such a great place to spend time in!
Just Thinking – I’m glad you enjoyed this toilet-free trip through France! : - ) And right on with the emoting! We need it in this world! I am also a proud over-emoter! As for the ketchup question, no worries in that department: the French or European brands are decent, and they have Heinz as well!
vzn – I’m sorry that’s how you felt after finishing this article. I did include paragraph towards the end about a few things I love about being here, and mentioned how I am a part of my community. I also mentioned at the beginning of the piece that I fell in love with France. I hope that anyone who follows me realizes that these differences and inconveniences I write about here, are just one aspect of life abroad. If anyone reading this doesn’t regularly visit my blog, they can look at the links to the left, called “Paris Walks,” which are just a few of the posts where I revel in this beautiful city, its people, history, and architecture. Or just scroll through my posts. I’m very happy to be here and wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I love Paris the way some people love other human beings. It’s just that love includes laughter. No one, no matter how much you care about them, is completely without flaws. And in fact, for me, it’s not the French who are flawed – it’s just that I’m different from them in some ways, due to where I was born and raised. Laughing about these differences is what I wanted to do here.
heidibeth – Thank you and I’m so glad!
I'm just getting into France. Its a hiccup from Landstuhl. I've been here eight years. My daughter wants to be a chef so I've become more involved in Frenchness. Four travel books. All but one is co-currently being read. I now worry if in the next 17 years before I retire as an ECE teacher if I will have enough time to "learn" France.
Thank you! You are like my daughter, a blender. Germany is the only country that people mistake me for a national. I'm big and blond and unfailingly friendly. You probably could blend in throughout Europe.
Engaging writing. Fluid. I wouldn't change one word. Write more about a singular event or time. Expand your close up.
I come from a family of little said and much done. The highest Lester compliment from Georgia is...So.
So.
is top rated, and yet i am sure i already read it a long time ago.
i am considering dusting it up with you for being too popular.
unfortunately, my tummy aches from too much oatmeal last night.
when this passes, and if i remember,
i may have to do some dusting later.
ps. i am a very obscure duster-upper.
if it appears i am employing irony, i probably am, unless
there are capitalized nouns
in my dusting up.
just so you know...
i hope i won't have to dust you, but if you continue to be
so popular & talented & nice,
it may prove
to be
unavoidable.
if i remember.
I almost bumped into Throth @ 2:01PM. I got TWO Pop Ups just a few minutes ago.
It was Open Salon warning me:`
`
Someone is not sympathetic.
That happens a bunch on O.S.
Maybe Thoth can investigate.
Kerry L. did befriend` Thoth.
That was a while back. Ask?
He may be out with a Draft?
Draft beer or Draft Horse?
He ever work any mules?
`
He ever rear fences, rotate crops,
sow cover crops of clover, fescue,
haul barn manure, feed moo cows,
use horse fertilizer, and hammer?
He use a crow bar on a keyboard?
`
I am glad Paris women speak ingles;
and a few remind me of Amish Ladies.
Women sure can sow a good potato crop.
I love French Bread and deviled egg salad.
Never harness a Draft Horse after dinner.
A Good Beast needs some good hay to eat.
Let barnyard animals out to graze greens.
Green grass changes into pure white milk.
I might even come for a few months mostly to study the language that I've lost. The inconveniences re: toilets and most other things you mention would not bother me. What did bother me was how mean many were and being easily convinced, one rare Frenchman iI met , who spoke perfect English told me this: That the French are pretty happy everywhere but in Paris. In Paris, said he, there is some inexplicable maybe contagious discontent, a stressed out state that is not true in the rest of France. This probably does not affect you as you are living there with friends, a man, and expecting a child. But for tourists, it can be the worst thing, everyone in a bad mood.
Last, I live in NYC as you once did and I will say this: I love it mainly for the conversation. The collective conversation that is hard to find anywhere else in USA or abroad. I sit and chat with people all the time, strangers not for long. This is the unique charm of NYC. In Paris, do you find this since you speak so well? (even accented) I wonder. I have a million questions, none of them pertinent to your superb writing. R
That compared to the rest of France, Parisians share in a contagious stress which is why they are rude and even hostile. He said he could not explain this except as an epidemic. That was untrue long years ago, when I first when to Paris at 19. But being older now, I can live with rude, not sure I can live without getting the language back.
As you you, wow, what an adventure and how wonderful to be thinking of having a baby with a man, French i assume, you love.
Some of the intrusiveness you describe sounds fine to me; I lived in Israel and the personal questions did not bother me. But this last winter in tel Aviv there seemed to be less speaking English which was hard. Paris on the other hand, if you speak the language is a huge boon. Despite the minor inconveniences, i say: Lucky you!
art james is obviously not a scary man.
he is a silly billy.
the private pirate wimminz were back tonight,
and they have been duly guided to a better appreciation of
the male gender, or what is better known as boyzto-men.
this being said, i hope dawn is coming in Paris soon.
there never was a moment the Sun
went out, in all
its glory and
warmth,
and neither was there a second sister moon
went missing,
for all is well on os and
shall never not be so, and anyone who wants to take away
any of yr eps, i shall
beat em up
as u might say...
also:
the scifi channel ran the devil's advocate earlier.
i was mesmerized but not totally. i still did my duties...
ah i am glad u mention jews, for i was just thinking of dylan:
he contacted me tonight and said, only for one with ears
can i contribute this
bit of nonsense to
the pirate wimmin
nonsense so it shant be forgot:
BOB DYLAN - TIGHT CONNECTION TO MY HEART LYRICS
Bob Dylan
/
"Bob Dylan Not Censored in China".
The song lyrics for "Tight Connection To My Heart" by Bob Dylan are displayed below.
Don't forget to click the play button and listen to the music while reading the lyrics!
Tight Connection To My Heart
by Bob Dylan
Well i had to move fast
And i couldn't with you around my neck
I said i'd send for you and i did
What did you expect?
My hands are sweating
And we haven't even started yet
I'll go along with the charade
Until i can think my way out
I know it was all a big joke
Whatever it was about
Someday maybe
I'll remember to forget
I'm gonna get my coat
I feel the breath of a storm
There's something i've got to do tonight
You go inside and stay warm
Has anybody seen my love?
Has anybody seen my love?
Has anybody seen my love?
I don't know has anybody seen my love?
Lyrics provided by http://www.kovideo.net/
Source - http://www.kovideo.net/tight-connection-to-my-heart-lyrics-bob-dylan-198411.html
You want to talk to me
Go ahead and talk
Whatever you got to say to me
Won't come as any shock
I must be guilty of something
You just whisper it into my ear
Madame butterfly
She lulled me to sleep
In a town without pity
Where the water runs deep
She said "be easy baby
There ain't nothin' worth stealin' in here"
You're the one i've been looking for
You're the one that's got the key
But i can't figure out whether i'm too good for you
Or you're too good for me
Has anybody seen my love?
Has anybody seen my love?
Has anybody seen my love?
I don't know has anybody seen my love?
Well they're not showing any lights tonight
And there's no moon
There's just a hot-blooded singer
Singing "memphis in june"
While they're beatin' the devil out of a guy
Who's wearing a powder-blue wig
Later he'll be shot for resisting arrest
I can still hear his voice crying in the wilderness
What looks large from a distance
Close up ain't never that big
Never could learn to drink that blood
And call it wine
Never could learn to hold you love
And call you mine
art james is obviously not a scary man.
he is a silly billy.
the private pirate wimminz were back tonight,
and they have been duly guided to a better appreciation of
the male gender, or what is better known as boyzto-men.
this being said, i hope dawn is coming in Paris soon.
there never was a moment the Sun
went out, in all
its glory and
warmth,
and neither was there a second sister moon
went missing,
for all is well on os and
shall never not be so, and anyone who wants to take away
any of yr eps, i shall
beat em up
as u might say...
also:
the scifi channel ran the devil's advocate earlier.
i was mesmerized but not totally. i still did my duties...
ah i am glad u mention jews, for i was just thinking of dylan:
he contacted me tonight and said, only for one with ears
can i contribute this
bit of nonsense to
the pirate wimmin
nonsense so it shant be forgot:
BOB DYLAN - TIGHT CONNECTION TO MY HEART LYRICS
Bob Dylan
/
"Bob Dylan Not Censored in China".
The song lyrics for "Tight Connection To My Heart" by Bob Dylan are displayed below.
Don't forget to click the play button and listen to the music while reading the lyrics!
Tight Connection To My Heart
by Bob Dylan
Well i had to move fast
And i couldn't with you around my neck
I said i'd send for you and i did
What did you expect?
My hands are sweating
And we haven't even started yet
I'll go along with the charade
Until i can think my way out
I know it was all a big joke
Whatever it was about
Someday maybe
I'll remember to forget
I'm gonna get my coat
I feel the breath of a storm
There's something i've got to do tonight
You go inside and stay warm
Has anybody seen my love?
Has anybody seen my love?
Has anybody seen my love?
I don't know has anybody seen my love?
Lyrics provided by http://www.kovideo.net/
Source - http://www.kovideo.net/tight-connection-to-my-heart-lyrics-bob-dylan-198411.html
You want to talk to me
Go ahead and talk
Whatever you got to say to me
Won't come as any shock
I must be guilty of something
You just whisper it into my ear
Madame butterfly
She lulled me to sleep
In a town without pity
Where the water runs deep
She said "be easy baby
There ain't nothin' worth stealin' in here"
You're the one i've been looking for
You're the one that's got the key
But i can't figure out whether i'm too good for you
Or you're too good for me
Has anybody seen my love?
Has anybody seen my love?
Has anybody seen my love?
I don't know has anybody seen my love?
Well they're not showing any lights tonight
And there's no moon
There's just a hot-blooded singer
Singing "memphis in june"
While they're beatin' the devil out of a guy
Who's wearing a powder-blue wig
Later he'll be shot for resisting arrest
I can still hear his voice crying in the wilderness
What looks large from a distance
Close up ain't never that big
Never could learn to drink that blood
And call it wine
Never could learn to hold you love
And call you mine
Rated!
Mango – Thanks for reading, and a big shout out to someone else who knows Georgia well. As for 17 years to learn French, I don’t know if anyone can truly “learn” another language, unless they have been born and raised in the culture. I think that’s a lot of my problem. But yes, certainly in a completely functional sense you should be able to learn French in that time, and then some, and get to enjoy a lot of great French films, literature, and real-life conversation in its original form.
James – I hope you won’t remember…. :-p
Art – Ouch. Be careful bumping into people! And how did you know the French have a nostalgic love for the series “Little House on the Prairie”? It’s one of their soft spots.
Wendy – Thanks for reading. I think what the Frenchman told you about Paris is very insightful. It isn’t for all people here, because some were born and raised in the city – and they are among the nicest French people I’ve met. I think the problem is that aside from a few large metropolitan areas, most of France is somewhat rural or made up of small towns. But most of the work is in the Paris area. So a huge portion – probably a majority – of people who live in Paris, come from another region of France. There, life was probably lived at a slower pace, and they took cars instead of public transport, and so on. And they come to Paris totally unprepared. Funny enough, they talk about it being stressful here and I always try to be sympathetic, but London is a THOUSAND times more stressful, and New York is a MILLION, Tokyo a BILLION. Once they travel and see one or more of these places, or other busy cities, they come to realize that Paris isn’t so bad. But they’re still stressed. I think part of this is also tied to the whole “don’t get overly emotional” thing. I think if they could express what they’re feeling more, they might feel less stressed. I personally don’t find Paris any more stressful than anywhere else, and certainly much less stressful than the cities I mentioned above. I love New York, and lived there three years, but couldn’t spend my life there, probably – I’m already very high-stress, high-energy, and New York just magnified that for me. Then again, I’m also a city person – I’d far prefer to live in one of these places, than out in the countryside. With nothing to do except combat allergies and fear inevitable spiders, I would go completely stir crazy. Plus, I don’t drive. It’s not surprising you’ve lost a bit of your French – it’s hard to keep up a foreign language if you don’t speak it often. You might try getting involved in classes or a conversation group with the Alliance Francaise if one is near you, or go online and place an ad for a real French person to have regular conversations with. I did that when I was in New York, and was able to more or less keep up my French. Also, try to watch news clips, read articles and books in French. With the internet, it’s great because you can do so for free. And to answer your question, yes, I can have conversations though I have an accent – I speak French fluently. But I’m lucky, because if I didn’t live here, it would have been difficult to keep my French. Good luck to you, whatever you choose to do! And if you do come here to study, the toilet situation probably won’t be too bad because it’s mainly public toilets I’m talking about; in your apartment or hotel, the toilet situation should be just fine.
James – Thanks for all these reassuring words from you, and from the Dylan. I’m sorry I missed the pirate wimmin, but I was with them in spirit! Glad you have my back.
Shiral – Definitely take a fan – and no matter what, I know you are going to have an amazing time! Again, a safe and wonderful trip to you!!!
With regard to a disdain for noble manners: a democratic mistrust for the aristocracy is one thing; but one tends to think we tossed the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to impeccable manners. "Blunt" discourse is well-suited to confrontations — but must every encounter be reduced to a face-off? Refined language transmits layers of subtlety, politesse and ambivalence — markers of intelligence, worldliness and modernity.
Bonne journee!
See, from the other side, the writings of Anna Sam, including the book that brought her celebrity status, "Les Tribulations d'une caissière", translated as "Checkout: A Life on the Tills"; the 2009 review in the Daily Telegraph is online. Her web page is at http://fr.flavors.me/misspastouche To the extent that checkout clerks are "inconvenienced" Sam explains why.
I think we will always feel American, as anyone who has changed countries would. May we surprise people with our good qualities!! ;)