AmyTuteurMD

AmyTuteurMD
Bio
Dr. Amy Tuteur is an obstetrician-gynecologist. She received her undergraduate degree from Harvard College and her medical degree from Boston University School of Medicine. Dr. Tuteur is a former clinical instructor at Harvard Medical School.

Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 14, 2009 5:42PM

She used WHAT as a dildo?

Rate: 29 Flag

An amazing thing about practicing medicine is that every time you think you’ve finally seen everything, you see something new. Not just something that you’ve never seen before, either, but something that you could not have even imagined.

Consider the case of the young woman who came to the urgent care clinic at our health center one evening. The woman was complaining of severe genital pain; so severe, in fact that she could only walk with her legs widely spaced a part.

That walk is a classic sign of a Bartholin’s gland abscess, a fairly common infection of the glands at the outer edge of the vagina. Bacteria can take up residence in the gland and cause an abscess. Even though the abscess is small, it is extremely painful. The wide stance walk is almost a guarantee of the diagnosis. The triage nurse explained the likely diagnosis to the patient and the fact that the abscess could be easily treated. Rather than looking relieved, the patient appeared embarrassed.

A PA (physician’s assistant) saw the patient, took the history, which was unremarkable, and started the exam, which was quite remarkable. The patient did not have an abscess; she had what appeared to be shallow, but extensive burns around and extending into her vagina. The physician’s assistant was so flustered that she excused herself to call me.

I could not leave the hospital to go to the clinic, because I had a patient in labor who would deliver soon, so I had to rely on the PA’s description. The description certainly fit with that of burns, but I had never seen burns of that kind in any area. Yes, I had seen chemical irritations of various kinds, but it didn’t seem like an injury of this sort was likely to be caused by a new bath soap or detergent.

The PA insisted that the patient’s history was unremarkable, and I insisted that she had not gotten the complete history. It wasn’t her fault; the patient simply didn’t want to reveal what happened. I suggested to the PA that she question the patient about domestic violence, since I had certainly seen vaginal injuries related to violence in the past. I also pointed out that it was important to explain to the patient that we needed to know what happened in order to treat her appropriately.

I was dreading the return phone call, and I imagined all sorts of horrible things that might have happened, but I failed to imagine what really did happen. When the PA called again, she was laughing.

“You’re not going to believe this,” she said, “but the patient accidentally did this to herself with a dildo.”

She was right. I couldn’t believe it. What could the patient have used? I’d heard of all sorts of things in the past: fruit, candles (unlit), and glass bottles, among others, but nothing that could cause burns.

“She used a deodorant stick!”

The patient had used the actual stick of deodorant, which she had pried out of the container (for who knows what reason) and the burns she had were serious chemical burns. We treated her by washing the area to remove any trace of the chemicals and applying the salve typically used for treating burns from gynecologic laser surgery. Oh, and lot’s of pain medication, too, for obvious reasons.

Her treatment plan included her medications, an appointment for follow up, and a recommendation: should she feel the need to use a dildo in the future, she should avoid deodorant, or at least leave it in the container with the cap still on.

site stats

Author tags:

health

Your tags:

TIP:

Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:

Comments

Type your comment below:
Good Lord! I know it isn't funny, but I did giggle.

Jeez, I don't know what to say . . .seriously!

Rated, I've never heard of anything this bizzare!
:)

Reminds me of a time in the late 1970's I was on the pharmacy staff of a large medical clinic that was across the street from the ER. One day I was passing by one of the nursing stations and a nurse that I knew well says, "Psst, you gotta see this!" She shows me this xray of a fella's bowel with a large circular object in the anal tract.

"What is that," I asked? "A Japanese float," she replied. I still have never figured how how he inserted it. It had to be at least six inches in diameter. But then, that was the 70's.
LadyMiko:

"I've never heard of anything this bizzare!"

This is the kind of thing they don't teach you about in medical school.
WorkingClassDemocrat:

"I still have never figured how how he inserted it. It had to be at least six inches in diameter. But then, that was the 70's."

I think I might be able top that (not the diameter, but the nature of the object) ... but that's for another post.
Did she think it would be more pleasurable removed? Goodness, people, there's chemicals in all sorts of things. Think before you do!
Just curious- why would the deodarant burn that area? I mean deodarant doesn't burn your armpits- why would it burn that area specifically?
A friend of mine's husband worked in the emergency room of New Orleans Charity Hospital (the hospital for the people who had no insurance, also where you'd get taken if you had gunshot wounds). I asked him what his best story was.

Guy is on a gurney, face-down, with a couple dozen No. 2 pencils sticking out of his ass. Eraser end out. He owns up to putting them in there. He's asked "Were the pencils sharpened?"

The answer: "Sharpened? Do I look like I'm motherfucking crazy?"
Ann Patrykus:

"Did she think it would be more pleasurable removed?"

I was so surprised, I didn't think to ask. Pondering the situation later, though I wondered if she might have tried it in the tube first, but that some part of it (perhaps where the cap fit on the top) was rough and uncomfortable, so she thought that prying it out would be better.
icemilkcoffee:

"why would it burn that area specifically?"

It must have induced a very serious sensitivity reaction. There are some people who get chemical vaginitis just by exposure to perfumed soap, so an irritant like deodorant would cause an even more dramatic reaction.
Leandra Nolting:

"The answer: "Sharpened? Do I look like I'm motherfucking crazy?"

There's no place like the emergency room, that's for sure.
My mother's a nurse. She used to work in an eye dept down the hall from Ob-Gyn, at a clinic. One day the Ob-Gyn doc comes over to tell them that he just removed from a woman's vagina a little glass bottle containing cocaine. She hid it there because someone knocked and she was afraid it was the police. Then couldn't get it out.
Diotima:

"One day the Ob-Gyn doc comes over to tell them that he just removed from a woman's vagina a little glass bottle containing cocaine. She hid it there because someone knocked and she was afraid it was the police."

What did the doctor do? Did he call the police or did he just give the bottle back to the woman and send her on her way?
Yoga Fix:

"a very pretty and popular girl masturbated with a hot dog and it broke off inside her vagina and she subsequently had to go to the emergency room. The word spread around very quickly. And to the best of my knowledge it was a true story."

Usually it's a banana, but I guess a hot dog could work. People are so imaginative!
I was trying to imagine the level of embarrassment at being in such a predicament and failed ~ You have to wonder what on earth possesses people sometimes ~ That poor girl!

I must say however, thank god for all those whose job it is to deal with just such instances of medical issue... I imagine they must come out of such careers with an incredible ability to face almost anything!
So, now all you crazy females take note, do NOT use deodorant as a dildo. :-|
jesus christ! I...don't even know what else to say!
nahatsu:

"I must say however, thank god for all those whose job it is to deal with just such instances of medical issue... I imagine they must come out of such careers with an incredible ability to face almost anything!"

Many women, at their yearly exam, will apologize for having not shaved their legs, as if that might be embarrassing. I could always assure them that it was not a problem, because I had seem n=many things far more embarrassing than that.
Greg Thomas:

"do NOT use deodorant as a dildo."

Words to live by!
Alpha Whiskey:

"I...don't even know what else to say!"

It left me speechless, too.
Amy, I'm not sure. If he called the police, I think Mom would have included that in the story.
A friend who is an emergency nurse at our local hospital had a similar story... patient is a woman who is embarrassed to discuss with the triage nurse the exact nature of her problem.

Once my friend had a chance to speak with her privately, it turns out that the patient thought she'd surprise her husband by placing an egg timer in her vagina, timed to "go off" at a romantic moment.

The egg timer got stuck and no one -- not her, not her husband and certainly not the timer -- got off that night.
Denise H:

"The egg timer got stuck and no one -- not her, not her husband and certainly not the timer -- got off that night. "

Wow. She thought an egg timer would be romantic? And then she thought putting it is her vagina would be more romantic? That's possibly even weirder than using a deodorant stick as a dildo.
Um . . . don't all these people know they can buy dildos?
I was present once when a woman was removed from a group home and transported to the ER with vaginal burns from her dildo of choice: a plugged in and turned on hair curler. Seems it heated up rather quickly, going from comfortable warm to ouch before she, um... er, realized it.
Ouch.

Still, beats the famous Israeli singer who was admitted to the emergency room once with shards of a light bulb perforating his rectum...
Haha! WOW, I'm speechless! I can only ask "why?" Why would she do that? Hmm, maybe she should go see a psychologist now. Unfortunately, my degree is in child psychology so I wouldn't be qualified to treat one such as her! I am DEFINITELY not a good enough actress to keep a serious expression on my face and nod, acting like I hear about this ALL the time! LOL your P.A. should be commended!!
Dalivus:

"Seems it heated up rather quickly, going from comfortable warm to ouch before she, um... er, realized it."

I searched the scientific literature before I wrote my post to see what was written on this topic. There are a few papers, and most are about women who were mentally disabled, but that sounds like one of the more unfortunate choices.
RickyB:

"singer who was admitted to the emergency room once with shards of a light bulb perforating his rectum..."

That orifice is a far more common choice, and some of the stories are even more bizarre.
A.Corinne:

"I am DEFINITELY not a good enough actress to keep a serious expression on my face and nod, acting like I hear about this ALL the time! LOL your P.A. should be commended!!"

I agree.
Well..not directly related to bizarre dildos but in the vein of doubtful explanations to doctors...an acquaintance of mine living in Greece in the 1960s engaged in some anal sex with someone who was a bit more endowed than his rear could handle...he ended up with an anal tear that required immediate attention. The doctor asked with a poorly-concealed smirk, "So...what happened to you?" His patient answered, "Well, I was riding my horse in Kolonaki, and the horse tripped and fell, and I landed on a rock!" The doctor said "Yes? And then what happened, did the horse roll over and f*** you?" Just had to share....;)
hokey fudge.

I will never look at my Speed Stick the same way again.
My sister worked in the local ER and supposedly a patient came in with a ping pong paddle, not the ball, mind you, which maybe would've made sense, but the paddle. How can one expect to play without a ball? junk1
" Um . . . don't all these people know they can buy dildos?"
Diotima

actually, it's kinda scary/sad that, in some states/municipalities, it's more than a little illegal to sell or purchase (e.g. online) sex toys
I had a girl-friend, rather unhealthily interested in 'pathology' and whose father was a general medical practioner in a small provincial town. She swore he'd been obliged to remove the u-bend of a kitchen sink from one reluctant patient ....
Is this yet another sign of the state of our economy? Couldn't she just get a... device? Or a friendly cucumber? That's incredible.
Wow. Ouch. Wasn't there a concern that the deodorant would melt?

My gross sexual/medical mishap story is from the longitudinal study I work for. I was doing ICD-9 coding for the causes of death of our respondents and siblings who had passed away, and one of them was listed as dead but we couldn't find the cause in their entry. So I listened to the recorded audio from their last interview, with the person's daughter, and after a lot of hemming and hawing, it finally came out that two of the kids and a nurse had found their 80-something Dear Mother dead in her nursing home apartment. She'd suffocated on a whole, unpeeled banana, slathered in mint-flavored KY jelly (the open tube o' lube was on the table nearby), which she'd been holding in her mouth.

Apparently it's never too late to learn to deep-throat...
That is just sad. Very sad. Don't people rely on vegetables anymore?
I assume you're familiar with this site: http://www.well.com/~cynsa/newbutt.html (Not obscene, but still NSFW)
Amy:

"This is the kind of thing they don't teach you about in medical school."

I think perhaps the collective human energy behind the lust for medical development doesn't quite match that behind the urge for sexual experimentation.

XD
Thanks for all the great stories. They speak to the human capacity for ingenuity (sometimes accompanied by good old fashioned stupidity).
I was a medic in the Air Force at a small base. We worked at the local Army hospital for experience.

They had a pop bottle that had a hole in the bottom of it. Story was medical maintenance had to drill a hole in it. They couldn't get a straw or anything in her to let air in to equalize the pressure.
When I got home I had very few skills so I became a paramedic. My FIRST shift in ER had a gentleman present about the same. A very funny straddle walk, and most guys don't have labial folds. He knew how to use deodorant, but not a refrigerator. Apparently he had used a refrigerator light bulb -- the long kind, and, the base had broken off as it slipped in the KY that he had used and his hand(s) had slipped and broken it off.

Well, how do you take a broken light bulb out of a rectum that was, at first, thankfully holding the bulb with the sphincter. For about 5 minutes. then it slowly began to swallow it. And while rushing to find any suitable instrument, it did swallow it, jagged base and all.

Well, we tried to get a nurse to get her finger in to the bulb and using pressure pull it out, but little fingers don't work that way and all our fingers were too large to fit. We injected KY all around it and tried to pull it out with everything from clamps to pliers, and all we were getting were pieces of glass, the wall was just too thin.

And it was becoming less and less amusing as it became more and more emergent -- and it really was looking like surgery.

To the rescue came a nurse from San Francisco (yes there ARE straight people there I know) -- and he said -- Oh, shoot, that's nothing --- bring me the cast cart -- and we filled it with the equivalent of Plaster of Paris and held him open until it had mostly dried, and it pulled right out ---

The nurse was from ICCU -- four floors up. Rumors spread fast before HIPPA -- and I don't think HIPPA would have slowed this rumor one tetrananosecond. (just think of a decimal point and LOTS of zeros, several lines of them, before the 1). Art Linkletter didn't have the half of it -- he should have written a book "_People do the darndest things!_"

Nowadays I would imagine that this is all very common -- but this was -- well, it was pre-'UNIVERSAL PRECAUTIONS'. We didn't know there was such a thing because there WAS no such thing as HIV/AIDS. Ah, the good old days!
Very funny. The best one I heard was the one about the woman who had purple spots around her vaginal area. The doctor thought maybe she was being abused and they were bruises, so she started to ask her questions about her sex life. The woman reported she used a diaphragm. He asked her what kind of jelly she used with it and she answered, "Usually grape."
I put a Trix in my nose when I was a kid and they had to hold me upside down in a bucket of milk and sugar until it slid out. I guess that's sort of the same thing.
I'm so mad at you, Amy! I never gave you permission to post my stor.....

Wait. Did you say out of the plastic tube??? Oh. Um, nevermind!

;-)
Nothing surprises me anymore. Someone should write a book, The Things People Insert. Bottles dont even impress me. Unless they build a ship in it after its been inserted. The woman sounds like a New York Performance Artist. One for the Darwin Awards.
ummmmmmmmm, Dana, do you always buy the large size antipersperant?? :)
The best part of sharing a story like this is that you get so many great stories in return.
Ah, the infinite variety!

The funniest story I ever heard was from an ER doc I dated who told me one evening about a couple who had decided (in the '70s) that they would have matching wedding rings, but his was to fit his penis.

They put it on as soon as they had a chance to be alone after the reception, and as he got more aroused, of course the member swelled to the point where they couldn't get the ring off. And because the ring was so tight, the swelling wouldn't go down.

They waited for some time, hoping "something" would happen, but when the member in question began to turn blue and became very painful, off they went to the ER.

What fun you ER doctors have on a Saturday night . . .
As my kids would say, "Eewww!" Well written. Incredible. Nice finish.
Doctor Amy,

Please help fight apostrophe disease...

"Oh, and lot’s of pain medication, too, for obvious reasons. "

lots is fine.
Oh, thats gotta' hurt. I accidentally put some BenGay on my testicles one time and ran a mile in 10 seconds.