Everyone has heard about women faking orgasm, but most people assume that men would never do so, and that it is impossible in any case.
A new study in the Journal of Sex Research aims to over turn the conventional wisdom. Men’s and Women’s Reports of Pretending Orgasm, Muehlenhard and Shippee, Journal of Sex Research, 46, 1–16, 2009 investigated the issue among college students:
Research shows that many women pretend or “fake” orgasm, but little is known about whether men pretend orgasm… Participants were 180 male and 101 female college students … Participants completed a qualitative questionnaire anonymously. Both men (25%) and women (50%) reported pretending orgasm (28% and 67%, respectively, for PVI-experienced participants). Most pretended during PVI [penile vaginal intercourse], but some pretended during oral sex, manual stimulation, and phone sex…
The authors found that 50% of women reported having faked orgasm, and, surprisingly, 25% of men also reported faking orgasm. However, the rationale and reasons varied dramatically between the two groups. Women were more likely to fake orgasm because they considered themselves incapable of achieving orgasm in similar situations, or at all. The main reason offered by women for faking orgasm was to protect a partner’s feelings. In contrast, the men who faked orgasm most often did so because they were either too drunk to perform or had had one more orgasms within the previous hours. The most common reason for faking orgasm offered by men was wanting to end the encounter.
The authors helpfully provide examples:
My 1st girlfriend in high school and I lost our virginity to each other. She wanted to have sex ALL the time, even at times I wasn’t—Approx. 5–7x daily—able to. I would motivate myself, we’d have sex, and she wouldn’t stop till we both orgasmed. I’d fake it to get it over with. (After the 3rd orgasm, it’s REALLY hard to go again.)
As the authors explain:
Men most often wanted sex to end because they were tired or wanted to sleep. For example, one man wrote, “After a while my body was getting tired and worn out so I decided to act like I came so she would get off of me.”
Men were more creative than women in pretending. While 90% of women reported acting out orgasm, only 78% of men faked orgasm in that way.
Over one-fourth of the men … reported telling their partners after the supposed orgasm (e.g., “I was getting tired and she wasn’t that cute so my dick couldn’t stay hard so I just told [her] I came and I got up and left,”)…
Interestingly, several men (18%), but no women, mentioned that they had pretended by stopping having sex. One man, who checked that he had pretended, mentioned no method of pretending other than stopping … One wrote that he pretended by “[saying] That felt good and stopping.” Another wrote, “I just stopped and told her I was done and left.”
The authors were apparently exhaustive in their analysis, but, curiously, one important detail was not examined. The questionnaires asked if the person had ever faked an orgasm, not how often they had done so. So we do not know if men the men who faked orgasm did so habitually or only when drunk or otherwise impaired.
Though men and women differed in many parameters, on one they were united. Most women and most men who faked orgasm did so to please the men. Women faked orgasm to make the men happy, and men faked orgasm to make themselves happy.
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Women faked orgasm to make the men happy, and men faked orgasm to make themselves happy.
Even in orgasm, the most powerful and pleasurable release of propagating chemicals known to man, men are in it mostly for themselves. And people ask why we have wars!
Rated for popular enlightenment!
How quickly we change :>(
@Harry: Thanks for making me spray Sake all over myself, dammit. :)
It is virtually impossible for gay men to fake an orgasm unless this study is ignoring the biological end game of a male coming -- which includes the ejaculation of cum.
She liked it quick. She got off easy and did it a couple of times. After high blood pressure I was an all night kind of guy. So after her getting done, if I wasn't close, I would just fake it and we would go to sleep.
This was done by paying attention to what "happened" when I did cum. I would just repeat those pushes and pulls. So ladies, if your husband goes through the same "motions" when he cums, he is faking.
"The modal sexual activity during which participants had pretended was [penile vaginal intercourse] . Oral sex was a distant second. A few participants reported pretending during other sexual activities, such as manual sex, ‘‘dry humping,’’ or phone sex."
The paper addresses the issue of how men faked orgasm during sexual activities besides intercourse. According to one man:
"My girlfriend was new to being with a boyfriend and was learning. She was switching off using her hand and mouth on my penis and after 15 minutes I decided this wasn’t going to work cause she really didn’t know what she was doing. So when she went back to using her hand, I put my hand over my penis, pretended to have an orgasm and then stood up, with my hand in a fist pretending I had ‘‘caught’’ it and went to the bathroom to run some water."
Once or twice or whatever.
a rate of 3 per 10,000.
Thats how scientists measure it, no?
Dr. Amy. Have you ever had a clueless guy performing oral sex on you? And thinking that the teeth have any damn thing to do with it?
If so, you would have done whatever it took to move things along. Fake it. Or maybe even tell him the truth.
Either way, it is totally believable.
Now, the reasons for why men and women may not be able to orgasm are different. But the reasons for stopping is the same. If there is no sexual release the main reason for having sex is missing. Sure closeness is great, but working towards something that is not going to happen is sort of like voting in the presidential election. Sure you feel you should, but you don't expect anything great to come of it.
As for performance, from a physical standpoint it is a lot harder for a man to perform than a woman. Recovery time is different. Adult men as a rule are not multi orgasmic regardless of how much they are in love and into their partner. It is just a biological thing. We are like those gas station cash safes with a timer. You can hold a gun to our head, but we are not going to give up the goods until the clock says so.
What an asshole. (Although, at least he was honest for the study. He's an honest asshole.)
I'm not surprised that men fake it sometimes. I think they are sometimes under a lot of pressure to "perform" and naturally there will be times when they can't. If they didn't fake it, and just say "honey, I can't go on" some woman would be insulted and take it personally. So even if they do it for supposedly selfish reasons, I think they are actually sparing the woman (or partner) some hurt feelings.
What I don't understand is how their partners can be so oblivious to the lack of semen. Unless they are wearing a condom, and make sure the partner doesn't help them with taking it off... I guess a lot of people are having sex in the dark and not paying a lot of attention to bodily fluids (or lack thereof) .
And we don't pee in the shower either.
Ah, yes; the ol' "Men are selfish jerks, but women are kind, caring nurturers" narrative. Yup; I'm familiar with that one.
Always dangerous to draw conclusions on such a subjective matter, methinks.
Maybe I've just not run into enough men that are jerks to believe the conclusions of this study. 95% of men that I know care about the feelings of their partner and would likely take this into consideration if they were unable to reach the finish line. While a lot of men quoted in this study sound like total a*sholes at worst, and immature at best, I can't help to feel like the study has an anti-male bias. Like the title could be "Research Proves Men are Selfish Bastards".
Maybe part of the problem was that the study was done using college students as subjects. A 19 year old boy is more likely to be a bit selfish, just as a 19 year old girl is more likely to be desperate to please, than their older counterparts.
good to see our scientific talent hard at work
Indy Girl...I didn't know you were such a dirty girl...I like it!
> faked orgasm to make themselves happy.
The examples in the article talk about men faking as a *nice* way to end an encounter that isn't going to conclude... the woman is happy that she satisfied her man, even if that wasn't going to happen.
This doesn't sound like a selfish reason "making themselves happy" to me... it might be exactly the same reason a woman would fake it.
I suspect there is love in wanting to wait until everyone is *done*... :-)