“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." Elizabeth Barrett Browning
My mother used to say that she always loved me, but there were times when she didn’t like me very much. I understood that. It meant that I had done something, not of her approval. We always expect our parents to love us, but as my mother reminded me, we are not commanded to love parents, only to honor. Love is complicated.
SO WHAT IS LOVE?
Love is a deep emotion that defies definition. It can be passionate, familial, platonic, romantic or devotional. It is so important to us, that without it, we are bereft and often psychologically distressed. To feel un-loved is tantamount to being unwanted.
Love is a word, which is overused and undervalued. We can’t love a color or a flavor the way we love a person. When offered a choice of dessert for example, we might reply: “I’d really love to try one of those éclairs”. Love to try? Where is the love in that?
I can honestly say that I love my country. The sight of Old Glory fluttering over the background of an azure sky brings tears to my eyes. I am always amazed and thrilled by the beauty in nature. I am overcome by the rapture of certain songs and phrases. I love my family…. and feel that most poignantly at the moment of separation. I guess we love what we would miss the most if it were gone. Freedom, family and faith are at the top of the list.
On February 14th we celebrate Valentine’s Day. The origins of the holiday have to do with the martyrdom of a priest. There are no religious rites that accompany the exchanging of gifts and cards to our ‘loved’ ones, but it is an accepted ritual among lovers and family members. And if you forget, you are in deep trouble!
We need not wait for birthdays and holidays to express our love. We need not be directed by St. Hallmark to express our feelings. There is not one woman that I know of, who would reject a bouquet of roses and the expression of love it carries, on any day.
THOUGHTS ABOUT LOVE AND MARRIAGE
When we are young we explore love and find out that it is not necessarily what we think it might be. Young lovers have crushes and fantasize about celebrities. It is natural for all animals (humans included) to be attracted to the handsome, the strong, the bold and the ‘sexy’.
Romantic love and marriage do not always go together. Arranged marriages and marriages of convenience often outlast romantic unions. That is a different subject and it has to do with tradition, financial arrangements, present, future and perceived need.
To be safe and secure, to have companionship and approval is about reassurance. Comfort may indeed, be far more important than passion. On the other hand, I am not sure that promises made at age 20 can always stand up to the test of time, but it is admirable when they do.
I think that new love is exciting, old love is comfortable. Unconditional love is selfless. Love of one’s self is essential to emotional well-being. Love of your fellow man is a lofty ideal. Love of family is expected, not necessarily earned. Love of things is ridiculous, they cannot love you back.
At my age, simple acts of kindness give me pleasure. I usually buy what I want or need, however, surprise packages are enlivening. A door opened, a hand extended, an unexpected hug or compliment is all that I really desire.
I'm not saying that a good looking rogue with a twinkle in his eye would be ignored. A little flirtation is good for the libido. But it is the guy who has accepted my burden as his own, standing by me even when I am a raving wild thing, that I love. And he knows it.
HOW DO YOU LOVE?
Previously published: Goldivas.com, The Pepper Tree Literary Magazine, Senior Times.
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Comments
I wrote this about him a while ago. Might send to Gary.
"My husband, a Christian has been by my side 100% of the time that we have known each other. He has welcomed my first husband’s Jewish family into his home. He has tended to his Jewish in-laws in their dotage. He has given me a devoted and loving family. We share winters in warmer places and summers at the Cape. He accompanies me to the cemetery and listens quietly as I recite the Kaddish at four different graves. He cries with me in my anguish. This man respects me for who I am, and I am proud to be his wife."
#116
"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."
---------------------
All the rest is infatuation, I say.
Thanks for an evocative post.
R♥
Well done.
I am saving all of this to give to him on "V" day.
Thank you.
The prisoner of his onw fate, the one who cannot understand, but does the worst crimes. How difficult it must be to be in their shoes watching the "normal" world evade them.
The drug addict who cannot find any satisfaction outside his own needs, I especially love him because it must be the absolute most horrific life. Everyday the quest is one thing, not a list like me and you, get up, work, shop, take the kids...wherever. No, only one direct goal. I cannot imagine or fathom such chains on my feet.
Passionate love aside, I do not know an enemy. That is not saying I am not someone else's. But I have found so much joy in this kind of love.
It requires no forgiveness, no apologies and no explaination.
It just is.
I have nothing of that sort in my life right now, and that is good. Passion seems to complicate things. Yet passion is why I am here.
Loveumeanit
♪♫•**•.¸♥¸.•*¨*•♪♪♫•**•.¸¸♥
D
With the depth and breath my heart can reach.
With the depth and breath my heart can reach.
....And how do I love? I think I love more every day. Am understanding the power of love within myself more vividly.
When my love swears that she is made of truth
I do believe her, though I know she lies,
That she might think me some untutor'd youth,
Unlearned in the world's false subtleties.
Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,
Although she knows my days are past the best,
Simply I credit her false speaking tongue:
On both sides thus is simple truth suppress'd.
But wherefore says she not she is unjust?
And wherefore say not I that I am old?
O, love's best habit is in seeming trust,
And age in love loves not to have years told:
Therefore I lie with her and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flatter'd be.
- Sonnet #138, W. Shakespear
I cannot love without lies and I cannot lie without love
I read posts like this one!
(oh, and I can think of about an infinity of other ways, too)
old love is comfortable.
Unconditional love is selfless.
Love of one’s self is essential to emotional well-being.
Love of your fellow man is a lofty ideal.
Love of family is expected, not necessarily earned. “
You pretty much cover it all, including the devastating love of things.
Which cannot love u back.
Safety is a first requirement. It is almost a “necessary condition” to love.