THE HANNAROSE DIARIES

“In life we all have an unspeakable secret"

Ande Bliss

Ande Bliss
Location
New Hampshire,
Birthday
November 04
Title
Writer
Bio
Essays, poetry, opinion and short stories. Free lance on line and in print. Favorite quote: "In life we all have an unspeakable secret, and irreversible regret, an unreachable dream, and an unforgettable love.” ― Diego Marchi Personal Website: AnneWrites.com

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Salon.com
JUNE 25, 2012 5:50PM

LOSING A CHILD

Rate: 26 Flag

 

We bear them. We raise them. And sometimes we bury them. There is no actual word for losing one's child.

Bereft is what fits. Lacking something needed.

But that says nothing about the agony of losing your child. However, it is the only word that can be used. None other has been found.

Not usual. Not expected. Bereft.

Mine died on Morphine. Colon Cancer killed her. I took in her last breath..I gave her the first. God help me for not doing more. 

For all the mothers who grieve...LL2 and Me...the millions of others, whose children die of starvation, murder, molestation, bombs, napalm, atomic fire, floods, fire, auto accidents....we mourn, we keen, we empty ourselves only to be replenished with more of the same. 

Losing a child cannot in any way compare to any other loss. Believe me, I have known them all. Parent,best friend, husband.

You see? It was our job to keep them safe. And somehow we failed. No matter what you say..no matter the platitudes and the words of condolensce...we...we the parents of lost children, understand. Our cries come from another place...deep inside of our primordial being.

We know each other when we search for angels at a garden center on memorial day. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I am so sorry for your loss. *hug*
I am so very sorry. I cannot imagine a greater pain.
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I can't imagine what that is like.I have never made any children but some of my friends kids are so dear that I would weep endlessly if anything happened to them. Hugs...
No words... just: excellent post.
I am so sorry, Ande.
r./
I'm terribly sorry for your loss. When my grandmother lost my aunt, she cried and told me a mother should always die first...that she wished she had. I only have an inkling of this grief, having nearly lost a child. My heart goes out to you.
I am so sorry for your loss. No mother should ever have to lose a child.
Your language resonates in ways I'm not free to talk about here. The experience resonates in obvious ways.
The love I felt for my children was incomparable to love I've felt for anyone else. I can't imagine that reality and there can be no word because that pain and emptiness is incomparable. When I was estranged from mine I ached with emptiness night and day and that doesn't compare because I had hope.

It still feels like my job to protect them, it scares me that I cannot. My heart goes out to you and any parent that has lost a child at any age.
I'm so sorry Ande. I think that's a loss you never get over because it's not supposed to happen. Bereft is an apt word.
It is truly out of the order of the universe, if there is any. So sorry for your loss.
Thanks for another version of this story. I do sincerely hope that writing about it helps you assuage the grief, if only a bit.
I cannot imagine how one comes back from that, or even wanting to, finding the will to. There is no greater pain. Wishing you peace.
Beautiful essay Ande. You couldn't have done more. R
Coming so close a time or two has been close enough to imagine your pain. Even just thinking about losing one of my children makes me want to curl up, cry, and die.....
Ande, I have searched for these angels too ..

"We know each other when we search for angels at a garden center on memorial day. ""

It is the hurting silence, and the tears that are never enough, and the voiceless why, and the broken mind, and the heart, that although beating and living...somehow, is dreaming of holding the one that is gone.

I think sometimes, my words on such issues is an insult, but your being here, and sharing, gives us all a hug on our difficult times, and a needed ''memento''. Thank you, for your feelings. It is without saying that I am trully sorry for your loss, and I totally agree with your thinking.
I know I'm sorry, I wish this on no one...
For parents it is always a pain without end.
Rated.
A blow to the heart, Ande. Your words are powerful.
This is a pain I pray never to have to bare - so sorry for your loss
It has always, the potential, frightened me, and yet I leave this piece fairly in awe of your strength.


r.
[r] Ande, you awe me with your poignant, profound and brave blogs. Thank you once again. My mother lost my sister when my sister was two. I don't think she ever recovered, nor as a result, my entire family. best, libby
I am shedding tears. Blessings, Ande.