“In life we all have an unspeakable secret"

Ande Bliss

Ande Bliss
November 04
Essays, poetry, opinion and short stories. Free lance on line and in print. Favorite quote: "In life we all have an unspeakable secret, and irreversible regret, an unreachable dream, and an unforgettable love.” ― Diego Marchi Personal Website:


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JULY 12, 2012 2:38PM

Resurrecting The Dead: Not a good idea.

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Called an old friend the other day. Just curious about what was happening in her life. Thing is she has really moved on. Big houses with the personna that accompanies, WEALTH. I got the feeling that my call was an interruption and I should have known better. Our friendship was based on a particular time in our lives when we were both single. Bottom line is that she isn't a shiny new penny in my life, and perhaps I might be a threat to her new self. 

On yet another occassion I tried to make contact with an old boyfriend who is a rather well known musician in the Jazz world. Trying to arrange a back stage visit at the Boston Pops I called him. No luck there either. He too has moved on and our time together was very brief. Maybe he didn't recognize my new name. :)

Sometimes we connect with old friends or new ones...even internet buddies and the expecations of the visit falls short of reality. Sometimes the time is special but it was meant to bloom for the one time only.

This is sort of an OC...


Never try to get in touch with an ex lover. Most especially one of those three-month throw way affair participants. They don’t want to hear from you.

People you meet on an island in the Caribbean ? Not a good choice either. Not interested in reuniting fully dressed after days on a nude beach together.

The person in the hospital bed next to you? Say good-bye and good health when they leave the room. We talk too much when we are on happy pills.

Old friends who moved away and never call. They don’t want to hear from you either. They have met new neighbors and have reinvented themselves to fit their new surrounds. Not interested in bringing their city friends to the barn dance.

Your ex-boss who was promoted three times.  If he hasn’t contacted you, likely he is looking for NEW talent.

A publisher who has rejected your work without one of those try again notes. Forget it. Hint:  Your work is not what he/she is looking for.

Never try to be friends with your ex’s new love. She/he does not really want to be reminded of the trysts you had with her/his honey. Bad idea. Really bad idea!

Got any others? I'll just bet you do. Have Fun. And beware!


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Don't call me, I'll call you. " Oh sure"....
She's not home.....
Who? Have you got the right number?
Ande, this is a really good idea. I have to think about it, it is something I REALLY struggle with. I'm one of those people who never wants to let anyone go.
In general I agree tho I'll say that over the past few years I have reconnected w many from a long time back and it's been terrific.

Got my fiftieth high school reunion coming up. I went through the list of who has been contacted and not sure I want to "re-connect" with any of them. Biggest surprise: two girls I dated have died. This is a fun post. R
Never try to get in touch with someone who didn't accept your friend request on Facebook.
Made me smile...and good advice.
Not saying I haven't been in touch with lots of people and the reception was wonderful. But truthfully, if you haven't been in touch for years, there is a good chance your lives are no longer running parallel. My oldest and dearest friend and I speak only a couple of times a year. When we see her the friendship blooms again. But not so with ex -people. Just have fun with this. It was meant to evoke a little levity. Think...who would hang up on you? Or might not accept your call? Come on.....share.
Move forward. Always good advice. And it wa nice moving forward meeting you.
"I met my old lover on the street last night
She seemed so glad to see me, I just smiled
And we talked about some old times and we drank ourselves some beers
Still crazy after all these years, still crazy after all these years ..."

or so we should sing...
Clever idea. The exception in my experience has been catching up with old Army buds. The advent of online search engines, Facebook and blogs has brought those zombies out of the cyber woodwork in droves. We've even had the occasional reunion. Otherwise your advice is stellar.
Chuck you crazy fool. Love that song. If I met an old lover they would be really old and I probably wouldn't recognize him.
Matt: WWI or II? Just kidding. Sorry.

Glad you have made contact. I think that army buds are a special relationship, like no other.
It was wonderful meeting you too Lea.
Your title had my husband wondering what is wrong with resurrecting a new incarnation of The (Grateful) Dead... : )

He's almost never home, so the past two days while he has been, he has had some very funny "walk-by" comments as he's wandering through the room.

Now to actually read more thoroughly... : )
Oh, this is good -- and so true! I actually have a funny 'old love' moment I hope I have time to sit and write about, but as one who has moved many times over the years...

"Old friends who moved away and never call. They don’t want to hear from you either. They have met new neighbors and have reinvented themselves to fit their new surrounds. Not interested in bringing their city friends to the barn dance."

Not me!
I move away and keep calling those friends forever and they call me too -- the moves weren't to get away from my friends. But I'm not one entranced by a shiny new penny : )
(I do know the situation you mean, though.)
Oh, I am the QUEEN of looking through my relationshp rear-view mirror! I Google tons of old friends, lovers, and the like. If I knew the legal names of my ex-co-workers from back in my days at the strip clubs, I'd be all over it.

Some days, I simply have too much time on my hands.
My curiosity gets the best of me, so giving me Google was just what the doctor ordered. Most of the time I just lurk, trying to discern what they've done with their lives, etc. Boyfriends who resurface help me remember how lucky I was to have escaped, usually. There is one, however, I would give my next Social Security check to talk to, but I cannot for the life of me figure out why.

This is great. I have a weird story here - I became friends with my ex's ex-wife. We have a lot in common, starting with him....
Sometimes it's the person, sometimes it's the situation. Telling the difference isn't always easy.
OK I admit there are both good and bad experiences. HS reunions are pretty outrageous after a few decades. I love that movie about the girl who claimed she invented Post Its. Anybody remember the name? ( My last reunion was pretty tame)
However, one guy in my class actually was the Ad man for "WAIT A MINUTE....THERE'S MORE!" He was the class nerd. Died a rich man.
People come and people go, but a good dog remains true til' the last day.
Good comments. Interesting. Am liking the ex and ex's ex wife. We can get a few more here before the weekend.
Ex-drinking buddies. When you stop drinking or doing drugs, lose their numbers and stay away, stay far away~
OK. You are the perfect person to ask. No one else has been able to answer this question for me:

Why would an ex-boyfriend call you years after you broke up with him to tell you he is getting married?
Sage counsel, to be certain.
I guess I'm lucky that I just don't remember names, and the names I do remember have been changed. I've been contacted by a few people with mostly good results. One girl, though, said she couldn't figure out why we quit talking. I said, "Oh, that's easy. You said you'd not talk to me again until I sent you a letter instead of calling you on the phone." Strangely, she didn't see the humor.
Ask Auntie Ande replies:
Deborah you foolish girl, he was in love with you and wanted to hurt show you he had value. Of course you didn't care.....or did you?
To be sure: Bad habit buddies should be avoided at all costs. So is a stop at the Packy.
Phyllis....I w-mailed a fellow columnist last night. She was so happy to hear from me that she nearly wet my Mac with her tears. I promised to stay in touch. I will. But I like your letter line.May use it in the future.
Mary...maybe I should have an Ask Auntie Ande Column? What do you think. Lord knows I'm old enough and have had vast experience in the day to day. Let's try that. Ask me a question?
Ande: Thanks for answering my question. Someone suggested that maybe he was hoping I'd "rescue" him before he made the leap into marriage. Truth be told, I loved that guy so much, but I wasn't about to stop him from doing what I thought he wanted to do. In the end, it was the right thing for me. I'm married to the love of my life. :)
@Deborah, I believe that was a booty call.
I made the mistake once of letting someone from my past back in. I was flattered until I realized he only wanted me to help him sell his new business to my friends. Eeaauugghhhhh!

Favorite line:

"The person in the hospital bed next to you? Say good-bye and good health when they leave the room. We talk too much when we are on happy pills."

My friend Ande, awesomely pragmatic or awesomely cynical?

I bonded with a woman on a month's service of jury duty and she was more "pragmatic" than I about our future as new friends. The last day of service we had talked about getting a drink together. She stood me up. Ouch. Over and out. So it goes.

I have not reconnected with many who were dear to me in the past. What is it? People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Lots of seasonal acquaintances which does not mean they are and were not precious. Does dormancy mean they were not or are not there for the lifetime? The good will lives on.

But sometimes life is on overwhelm with one or both parties. That's my excuse and for now I am sticking to it. When will it be off-overwhelm? Dear God, my daily question.

Also, I am finding that through much of my life, I was sitting on a mountain of secrets. I can't lie any more about my reality now and then. Am I strong enough to be cleanly and groundedly honest about my reality now and then? No. Do old acquaintances want me to be? I'm guessing most of them, not, but may be shortchanging them and then I must also be ready and willing and able in terms of time and emotional energy to embrace what they were maybe hiding with me. Mutual empathy investment.

Can I be honest cleanly today? Only with precious few and it is hardest with those I invested so much in persona-presenting for decades.

My hallway life for now. Still hoping to get into the serenity room. Still fantasizing about rekindling and re-bonding with those who were there for me and I for them back then.


best, libby
I always say that all relationships have a shelf life. Some are the fresh produce of our lives and they wither and have to get composted quickly while others are the Ding Dongs - the ones who last through the apocalypse. I say put your energy into the Ding Dongs!