There are three types of people in this country today:

      1.   Those who are between the ages of 13 and 25 or who have contact on a regular basis with people of those ages.

     2.   Those who read magazines such as "People", "Us", "InTouch", the rags such as "The National Enquirer" or watch television shows like "Entertainment Tonight", "Extra", and the like.

    3.   Anyone else.

     As all of the people in categories 1 and 2 are acutely aware, the cinematic phenomenon known as "New Moon" arrives in theaters at the stroke of midnight tonight. The continuing saga of star-crossed lovers Edward the Vampire and Bella the Simpleton is an extension of the "Twilight" film, and is the film adaptation of the second book in the series of the same name. And this movie promises, based on the extraordinary amount of hype that it has generated, to blow past the original and set a new standard for vampire-movie box office receipts.

    I must confess that I have not read the books. Of course, being a male in my mid-40's I do not know if I would have even been permitted to read them as I am clearly out of the saga's demographic. I did, however, watch the first movie on DVD with my daughters. And while I thought it was a decent movie, I did not believe that it was "all that", as so many teens and twenty-somethings seemed to believe.

   Of course, movie adaptations often do not do justice to the penned versions of the stories, so we can assume that the book was far better, at least in its exploration of the depth of its characters, than the movie. To me, however, the movie was little more than a love story between good, confused girl and bad boy, with the added twist that his skin glistens like diamonds in sunlight and he prefers drinking blood over beer. And the vacant stare of the vampire's eyes could be equalled only by the vacant space inbetween poor Bella's ears.

    As everyone in categories 1 and 2, above, are aware, Bella falls madly in love with Edward despite the fact that he is, as was so eloquently stated by the late Michael Jackson in "Thriller", the seminal man/creature - human/woman love story, "not like the other guys". And to show the (lack of) depth of her character, there is no rhyme or reason to the love, other than to have us assume that he uses some type of hypnotic power over her.

     Here's how I saw it - Edward and his siblings walk into the room. They are all dressed in black, but he is dressed all in white - symbolism alert, people!! She sees him again later in science class, and tries to engage him in conversation. He then disappears from school for some time - coincidentally, right about the same time as the little town in Washington experiences an apparently unprecedented three straight days of sunlight.

    That's it. I guess that the "playing hard to get" theory really does work sometimes. He returns to school when the clouds roll back in, and she's smitten. Sure, he stopped that truck from hitting her with his lightning-fast reflexes, but there was nothing else. Yet, he becomes her everything, even in the face of the obvious vampire-person conflict. Other vampires try to kill her (or make her into the undead) and still she is undaunted. Even Edward's own family members check out her pasty-white skin and visualize it as an appetizer. I guess the underlying reason is that she really, really hates her father and really, really does not want to live with him.

    And then there is her friend, the wolf-boy. I am, of course, partial to him (the last name, get it?) and it certainly appears that he and his shirtless chest get much more airtime in this film. At least that is what the previews and commercials would have us believe. The actor playing the wolf, Taylor Lautner, has apparently already eclipsed (moon joke, get it?) Edward/Robert Pattinson as the new teenybopper heartthrob.

     More importantly, however, every boy and man should be jealous of him because he is, according to all of the reliable sources (People, ET, Extra, etc.) dating singer Taylor Swift. Other than Kanye West, I defy you to find a single person who has a bad thing to say about Ms. Swift. The girl is utterly adorable. Lucky wolf-six-pack-washboard-abs boy.

     Tonight, when the clock strikes 12, fans across this great land of ours will stream into theaters to be the first to witness this piece of celluloid magic. Included in that throng of fans will be a certain 21-year old friend of mine, who has already made plans to see the movie three times this week and every weekend thereafter until it closes. Of course, she sleeps with a giant life-size cut-out of Mr. Edward in her bedroom (a gift from yours truly) so she's a little, how shall we say, obsessed. Also included is a 24-year old friend of mine, who assures me that he is going to the movie with seven female friends. As such, I cannot question his manhood, and only  hope for his sake that at least one of the women needs some form of comforting when the drama strikes.

   There's a "New Moon" out tonight. And then tomorrow, the world will be full of tired teens and twenty-somethings. Let's hope that the film lives up to its pre-release press. At least for the fans' sake. And, moreover, for the sanity of their parents and boyfriends.