because you owned them:
the carefully sorted boxes of memorabilia
filed and organized into sections
indicating time; the remains of your mother
preserved in the back of the garage
refusing burial; the CD collection
the books, dated and signed
the pages pristine, barely touched;
the frantic reality of your loneliness
threatening to burst through the firewall
imposed by layers of distorted experience
flaked out like the skin of a salmon
slippery and wet in your mind;
the people and things you collected
little more than a distraction
once the fervent desire for possession
had passed. Like the menagerie of your childhood
you exist in animated silence,
fragile and constant,
until all memory is left behind.
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Rolling
metaness
James M. Emmerling
Chuck A. Stetson
Jimenace
Newton Fortuin
Salon.com
Comments
Yes, that sums it up. A certain type of man. A gentleman in an obscene world,
mom still with him, but packed lovingly & neatly away, for her influence is long dead in him:
ah what bullshit. She lives on. Funny personal note: i creamated my mom, put her ina beautiful blue jar, and
planted her square in front of the tv, in the den,
where dad & i watched endless television, to soothe our
shellshocked hearts. She was gone...we were free...and
Father chose, or was ushered, to join her...
___________________________________________
Distorted experience indeed. Yet who was experiencing, and what exactly did the gentleman
experience? His subjective impressions of
the absurd vortex of pain,
which he hovered over, in his spaceship...the unbelievable drag of the black hole which threatened to sink him wholly....
yet he survived in his ship, with his distractions masquerading as reality. He spoke from an unwilling
embrace of a muteness simultaneously
imploding & threatening to explode
in "inappropriate", "disturbing" patterns of unanalyzable
behavior...unanalyzable because multitiered,
hierarchically arranged upside down,
with white hot fury buried beneath the desire to be a gentleman, and polite...especially to
the distractions...
animated silence....embracing muteness in a healthy way now...desire for possession fleeting & easily
shed...send it out...the clutching of the muscles, and the things, the things, the things...
the things and the people seen now in a new light...a blazing light...but the light so preciously protected
because at core he IS a gentle man...a gentleman...from times of old, and
rebooted!
JME