Before we continue, I believe that a little back-story would help you understand my confusion. I'm an immigrant. My parents decided to come to the US when I was a small child, though they never really supported the concept of integration. From a young age, I was told "Look, you are in America but you will never be an American.". I was raised, much to my discontention at the time, with the idea that no matter what I did or how I acted I would always be seen as an outsider; thus there was no point in pretending. In retrospect, I more or less believe they were right to do so and their view was correct in many ways.
However, regardless of whether this method of parenting was valid or correct, it meant the following:
- No Halloween. "Why should I give these already fat [by Asian standards] kids more sweets to make them fatter?"
- No Thanksgiving. "The idea that you have a day to give thanks shows that you are an ungrateful bastard every other day of the year."
- No Santa. "That's just silly. Any presents that you get come from us, not some magical fat man."
- No Christmas. "We're not Christian."
- No Easter. "Again with this? WE - ARE - NOT - CHRISTIAN."
- No Fourth of July. "Sorry, all the Americans are taking the day off. Thus, I'm the only contractor working today, more money for us."
- No Earth/Arbor/Labor Day. "WTF is Earth/Arbor/Labor Day?"
Note: These views are not representative of all Chinese immigrants, my father is a strange man in many ways.
Ok, so back to today. My fiancee's sister and her husband asked me and my girl to watch their 4 year old daughter for the weekend so they can head up to Boston to take care of some things. Fine, I have no issue with this. However, the topic of keeping up the charade of Santa came up. Now ignoring the fact that Santa has nothing to do with Christmas, I'm sorry men in red suits giving gifts does not correlate with the supposed winter birth of Christ, I don't believe that teaching children that the laws of both the legal system (ie. breaking and entering) and physics (ie. that a fat man can both fit down a chimney and move at roughly 650 miles per second, which is the bare minimum needed to cover delivery for all Christian children worldwide) do not apply to a fat guy in a red suit just cause his intentions are good is a wise thing.
Now, this point of contention led to a long discussion on the meanings of holidays, with a focus on American holiday traditions. So, I ask, why should we promote the current concept of Santa? The Santa of old made a list and checked it twice, knowing if you were naughty or nice, and dispensed both rewards AND punishments accordingly.The modern day incarnation of Santa is jackassery, he promotes the idea of "it doesn't matter what you do, you'll get good shit regardless". When was the last time you heard of some horrible little shit of a kid getting, the traditional gifts for asshole kids, coal and cleaning products? No, these little fuckers still get the same things as kids that aren't causing severe mental stress upon all those around them. Thus, I proposed a compromise with my future family, I would advocate Santa if I were allowed to bring back his darker half... The Krampus.
Disclaimer: Before anyone else says it, yes I know Santa Claus is derived from the Dutch Sinterklass and therefore his darker half should be Black Peter. But the whole idea of Black Peter is racist, thus I substitute the Krampus.
For those of you that do not know of The Krampus, he is a figure of no small evil that terrorizes all children AND delivers much punishment upon the ones that have been naughty with beatings, abductions, and even occasionally putting children in a sack which would then be thrown into a nearby river. Some of you may say that this is horrible, but it is tied closer to the origins of tradition of St. Nicolas' gift giving than Christmas. See, in the old days, St. Nick had nothing to do with Christmas. He had his own day, December 6th, St. Nicholas day. On St. Nicholas Eve, St. Nick and the Krampus would go from house to house judging children, rewarding or punishing them respectively. This myth I do support, despite my still present reservations about the miseducation children in regards to the legal system and physics, mainly cause it actually can be beneficial. In this dichotomy, St. Nick and the Krampus represent, in my mind, society as it should be. Do well, are productive, and be a good person and we shall reward you with that which you deserve. If you suck, be a drain on society, and are an overall horrible piece of shit? Well, we whip you with a birch switch, abduct you, and ultimately hurl you into a river.
So, anyone that is reading this, I implore you... If you love your fellow man, and desire to help mankind progress, then you really have no choice but to put on a devilish mask with goat horns, a larger fur covering of some sort, grab a birch switch and go terrorize the shit out of some kids... for the good of the species, of course. Help society and mankind as a whole, help me bring back The Krampus.
Though, perhaps, I simply was never supplied with the proper tools to understand the American Holiday season/spirit. If one wishes to explain, in a logical manner, I would be glad to listen.
I have included two of my favorite Krampus videos below:
Disclaimer: I do not advocate that shitty music found in the second video. But if the goal of The Krampus is to terrorize, then this sonic bombardment might just be designed to do so.