I have found myself  verbally spanked by more than a few friends these days for my cautious, if not pessimistic, reaction to the recent election.

Let me just get one thing straight:  I am happy.  I really am.

We have a new president-elect, a black president-elect, and as my writer-cousin just made clear in her blog here at Salon.com, a black and white president.  Which means we are moving in a new and better direction in this country, on all fronts.  Thank you Uncle Sam.

I am usually not a pessimist;  I usually am bouncing off walls for joy at laughs, at good champagne, at music with a beat, at life.  I am, after all, a breast cancer survivor.  Nobody goes down that road unchanged;  and for me, I am just plain grateful to be alive.

So on election night, I expected to be elated.  I expected to be out of my skin with the fact that racism in the United States had its clock cleaned at the polls.  That a man who seems to embody all that we hope for this country actually won. But my euphoria never came.

The next day,  I had the blues.  And many of my friends said "stop it, be happy, be hopeful."

But my problem is not the present,  it is the past;  the political one.  The Bill Clintons and the John Edwards and the George Bushs...you know, the lies.  And the  stolen elections --the Florida chaffes or whatever they were called, that muddled the results and deeply tarnished for me what it means to vote in this country.

Now with Barack Obama so clearly elected, so quickly accepted, as our new hope in this country, I am still worried. Sure he has amazing credentials and a stand-out way of speech.  His family seems right on the money and his platform and the people he's surrounding himself with seem perfect for the job.

My worry is that the system itself, the political machine, will ultimately drag him down.  That he's a great man getting into a broken car.  Can the car be fixed? 

Can we get this vehicle moving in the right direction, without the roadside hazards (the inside votes, the back room deals, the pleasing one group because it holds the cards to the next item on the To Do List of this country; the politics as usual.)

I don't know.  What happened to me?  I used be so happy, such a cheerleader for all that was good and right.

I just am tired; I am burned out on bad politics.  Or bad politicians?  I am not sure. 

I am in big need of something else.  Some one who does not just what he sets out to do in this country, but who also sets a tone for all the rest of the elected officials too.  Honesty is back with this new presidency, I am told.   Integrity too.   Are all you newly electeds listening? Can we all remember that?  Can we all do the right thing this time?

I hang on three words:  Yes We Can.

Then I hang on three more:  I Hope So.