Ever since Janet Jackson flashed the world during her "wardrobe malfunction" at the Superbowl Halftime show a few years ago, I have been wary of all televised sports.

I can't keep my kids in a bubble during football/baseball/basketball seasons, though, because sports is a big part of my husband's life. The TV is on more often than not during pre-season/season-post-season whatever. I know sports is something a great many people love, however I am not one of them. Still, I don't panic--I figure, as long as Janet J. doesn't come within 50 feet of the cameras on the field, my kids are safe. Right?

Cut to me choking on my chips and salsa one recent Sunday as, sitting with my children having a snack while my husband watched a football game, I hear blaring out of the TV set: "Viagra--for all your personal dysfunction needs." Or something like that; it was more graphic, but I don't want to write that here, and you already know what it said.

I froze--and you'll love this, my husband didn't even notice, he was up to get a snack during the commercial. But my fourth grade son, ever the verbal radar, snaps his head around to the television. "WHAT?" he asks, confused at the verbage. "What is THAT? What is that for?"

Touchdown: Viagra.

UGH! Curse all the inappropriate marketing that goes along with the he-man sports world! And maybe women want to know about this, so I'll include them in this curse, too. A hex on the whole thing! Why do I have to worry about this?

I pay a lot for cable, why am I invaded in my own home by this kind of thing? One minute we're in the huddle for a pass, the next minute someone is making a pass at someone else, and suddenly I'm way too far into a premature Birds and Bees conversation with my kids.  And I know I can get TiVo, but really, I just want that video box to be family friendly during business hours.

I want you to know that I, who usually tells my kids at least the partial truth, totally balked on this one. "I don't know what they're talking about," I lied as I ransacked the room for the remote and shot my husband a dirty look (I had to blame someone, and he was giggling like a school boy anyway.)

I turned the game off and got the kids out of there. Viagra? Are you serious? What ever happened to beer and pretzel commercials? TV advertising is way too in-your-face for me; and I admit I haven't watched much of it since having my kids--no time.

But now that I've got more time I'm thinking maybe I don't want it. Not if a simple touch football game turns into grandma and grandpa getting it on in front of my kids.

Who won the actual athletic game? I have no idea. But the two new plays in my living room are "rush to the remote" and "fall back and mute".

And the way things are going with all these commercials, I may be up for M-V-P before this season's over.