I am young, very young by many people’s standards.  I am at times overly suspicious, other times overly naïve, often unable to classify my thoughts in one of the two categories.  What seems clear to me today is that the world we are living in is increasingly dangerous, traveling… Read full post »

I was free with my hands tied behind my back, falling on concrete with little to catch me but my hollow cheeks and the sockets for my eyes.

And I had to push myself up and get myself off with my tongue, with the muscle leading my hands to trouble and… Read full post »

In your bohemian whirlwind you whisked my heart into a batter for baking love-shaped pancakes with all the chocolate chips the stores could muster.

I melt like butter in your words, in your voice like sin to a saint, like dirt under your fingernails, like the last bite of the last… Read full post »

Am I the only one that feels that sometimes I'm my own worst enemy? That I am uncontrollable, undefendable at times.

Am I the only one that feels like happiness is something held in your fingertips and sometimes only comes out when held by others? That laughing too hard is a… Read full post »

some people don't understand fear, don't know what it feels like to be laying in your bed or sitting with your back to an open room knowing that if you turn around, someone, a faceless stranger, a man dressed in black, a woman hanging from the ceiling, will be there.  you… Read full post »

I can't wait for the rain, can't wait to awake to puddles instead of drifts, to swim down the street instead of crawling through the soaking wet snarling sharp fur of the snow beast.

Two completely anonymous men pushed my car out of the parking spot I was stuck in tonight.… Read full post »

Tonight I sit in my black room with figures on the walls and lumps in my blankets and skin peeling from my fingers, planted in my flannel sheets, vertical like their stripes, horizontal 0n my mattress. 

Tonight gold lights from passing cars on the street slip in through the cracks… Read full post »

Objectify, resurrectify, detectify, electrify, and forget the rest. Do what your jointed limbs were born to do, come all you smithys, you turtles, you song-singers, you rug-weavers.  Live to breathe and eat to live and remember to forget again and again and again.

We pay in a different currency,… Read full post »

So maybe it's true that I'm young and I need to lighten up, cool down, breathe in, breathe out. And I do.  Sometimes I wonder how the few people who read my little posts every now and then picture me in their heads, what they think a conversation or a meal… Read full post »

Sometimes catharsis isn't enough, laughing, crying, sexing, where does it stop, how does it feel better when my toes are curling and eyes are pouring and ears are ringing and no one's there anymore, just me and the trying.  I left my journal at home when I came back to school… Read full post »

A lot of the time when I finally sit down to write, nothing's there.  A whirlpool of thoughts is constantly bubbling in my brain until it's time to get it out there. Everything runs and hides, Nothing is left sitting lonely in the middle of the empty room that my mind… Read full post »

Writing this is going to make me sound melodramatic and childish and selfish and maybe even a little elitist and probably also defeatist. I'm tired of being let down by people, tired of feeling like no one cares about the same things I do, tired of walking around in some sort… Read full post »

Goodbye, big black dog.  Goodbye, master of the yard, king of the wild, commander of all things happy and magnificent and invaluable.

I miss your big puppy smell, I miss your deep raucous bark, I miss your strong tail knocking our cups of water off the coffee table as you ran… Read full post »

This is to my Art History professor, whose class I incidentally dropped.             (Sorry, but you were going to have us make our own movie, and I just didn't want to.)

You are beautiful, intrinsically striking with your still thick tuft of stark white hair, hair… Read full post »

How can I go to sleep when all the lights are going out around me, when all the world is going the same way I am, and who will keep watch when I finally nod off? I need someone to keep the fear away, to keep the hobgoblins of my inner… Read full post »

Drums being hit to the beat of the pulse of my brain, hips bumping into soft humanity everywhere they go, I open my eyes to find I am not alone.  The screams are coming from outside my ears, not within them.  The fluid of life is ripping through my seams, sweat… Read full post »

Somehow things look different after eating a pumpkin pie blizzard from DQ.  I may be slightly softer tomorrow, but I'm sure it's nothing a few of my morning exercise sessions can't fix.

The truth is, I'm so grateful for the way things are that I get afraid, and it's ultimately my… Read full post »

Words and words and swirling words and tumbling words and words and words and words...

And my lone howl of isolation.

I'm writing more than I've had to in a long time, but not for any of the reasons I want to be writing, I know nothing about scientific revolutions or… Read full post »

My whole bed is a cool spot.  I spent last night sealed in the envelope of my body heat during my trip to sleep, unconsciously conscious of not letting my limbs stray into the wide area of cold sheets and chilly pillowcases and breezes from nowhere.

Walking to the gym yesterday… Read full post »

This isn't geared toward one person.  The words that are about to bleed from my fingertips are being sent out to one small part of the accumulation of nerveless half-wits that have no place in my mind anymore, and this is their escape.

I didn't want to wear a bra today,… Read full post »

I forget about all the things I've done.  I forget about the places I've gone and the people I've met.  I forget about all of it until all in one moment, the wall of recollection hits me.  

I don't realize that I'm living in the smallest, shittiest town in middle… Read full post »

Here I sit, eyelashes heavy with both bathwater and tears.  My t shirt and shorts forming a sticky second skin, clinging to the baby lotion and clean sweat that lie beneath.  My towel-turbaned head throbbing with the heavy beating of my own very insistent pulse.

I got into the bath more… Read full post »

Rome is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been.  I probably stood somewhere that Julius Caesar or Marcus Aurelius or Michelangelo stood hundreds of years ago.  It overwhelms me to know that I'm so small in time, a little bit of nothing mixed with just a tiny bit of… Read full post »

I'm walking down the street today on my way to the university, I'm late as usual, and the crew neck lilac sweater that hung so nicely on me this morning is starting to become a part of my skin.  Sweat is beading around my forehead, the hair that was straight and… Read full post »

 For some time now, I've been almost completely convinced that I have an addiction.  Albeit, a less conventional one, I think it qualifies nonetheless.  I need it, I think about this need constantly, and when it's gone, I feel helpless, irretrievable.  I'm sure you, clever… Read full post »