Pack a little sweater, and something nice for evening. We’ll invite 900 equally fun and adventurous people and, for just $233.33 apiece* head for the gorgeous Alpine country of Liechtenstein, nestled between Switzerland and Austria.  It’s that teensy, tricky little country you always forgot on the geography test.           

Anyway – this is so cool! – we can RULE the place. That’s right. The country’s renting itself out. I saw it on Fareed Zakaria GPS, then double-checked on the Internet, so it’s true.

  For just $70,000 a night** we can have our very own Liechtenstein street signs, postage stamps, currency, probably even one of those arched “Gateway” signs heading into town. You know, like “Modesto –Water, Wealth, Contentment, Health,” only it would say, “Liechtenstein, Our Country Rocks!”  Bordered with our names in tiny graffiti, glitter, whatever the group decides.

One country’s ingenious economy-boosting strategy could become our very own ticket to the elite of elites. We could decree stuff. We could gather all 33,000 inhabitants of the country (plus us 900 rulers) and give speeches, day and night, boring everyone to tears. We could grace every one of Liechtenstein’s 11 villages with our presence, and surely each would at least offer us a beer.  There’d be capes for the guys, tiaras for the gals.  For the rest of our lives we could drop at cocktail parties, “Back in the days when I was ruler of Liechtenstein.”

Are you in?

We could rent this country for noble purposes. A summit on global warming, perhaps, held fittingly on an actual summit.  We could have one giant TED-like conference, with our very own brilliant speakers blowing everyone’s minds. (Plus, it’d be way cheaper to rent Liechtenstein than for all of us to attend the actual TED).

Between parties, we could figure out ways to end hunger, solve the Middle East Crisis and whatnot.

Just think, all of this for only 210 grand!*** I can’t wait to see who will come up with the dough and make the first reservation. My bet’s on rich people even though, as I said, friends, if we all pool together, it could be us. We could rent a country, people!  A country surrounded by majestic purpled mountains!

No amber waves of grain, though. No Grand Canyon or Lake Tahoe, or even Modesto. No Manhattan, no Montana or Savannah.

Come to think of it, don’t we already own a country?

Imagine what we could do if everyone pitched in a little extra for our owned-not-rented United States of America, especially the ultra-rich people who are probably renting Liechtenstein as we speak. Kick in a couple percent of their billions, and they could maybe solve hunger, certainly slash the deficit, educate our young people, maybe even give us all some jobs.  I bet if they did that, it wouldn’t even set them back as much as it would set us back to rent Liechtenstein. 

*Transportation not included. Lodging for the first 150 only.

** Three-night minimum

*** Meals not included

 Ann Bancroft 2011 All Rights Reserved