This first poem was written in the deepest valley of radiation and cancer treatment, by my dear friend Patrick.

a rope burns my hands
a grip so tight it hurts my fingers
no rope left underneath
i hit the end and i hold the knot

no more hoops to jump
no more feats of biblical proportion
do you think god will see
do you think he still loves me


all my life has been up hill
just to look down would be a thrill
i once felt that i was unique
now i feel more like im a freak

he took away everything that's fun
from taste to teeth to munch a bun
even sleep now is such a chore
i'm up at 2 and 3 and 4

will the torment ever end
and god be my true friend
dreams not nightmares ,like it usta be
will my mind ever be set free

holding on to that last knot
is alot like sitting on the pot
i know for sure its going to end with shit
the end ,like john in true grit

thanks for watching me flop on the beach
hearing me holler, bitch and screech
i hope i don't have to return the favor
being it's hard on love as labor

i look up so much my neck is sore
the muscles hurt and some are tore
i beg him to give me peace
a little comfort some relief


but thats not how life is to me
nothing ever came for free
i had to pay the ultimate price
always hard and never nice


god must have a plan for me
gate keeper, or a cook for he
i know he made me a palace of rock
in the land that knows no lock


does this poem have and end
when my eyes go closed and i make a grin
i hope i go where its not to hot
i just want to let go of this knot

---by Pat

These next two are my response to him: 

Let go my love and let the current take you
out to sea where you can breathe free
you're the classic fish outa water
who's had more bad than fautor

It's alright to be vulnerable it's okay
I know for help and help you pray
I just mean He is strong in our weakness
not that you don't handle pain in meekness

I really is okay to say stop
to be good to yourself, you deserve it
it's okay to receive the goodness
soak it in an preserve it

I used to wonder what that meant myself
how do you surrender, when strength was it
but I've seen how much stronger letting go is
because it makes you except what's not perfect

to love yourself just where your at
cause that's how God must see
you're stuck with yourself body or not
so we better learn it's okay to be

exactly imperfect in every way
we're all so lost though we pretend we're not
when found is how we've always been
in the greatest arms of the creator we've got.

---by Anne

It's hard to imagine heaven
when all you've known is hell
the ghosts of all your past
keep ringing on your bell

There is only one solution
forgive and forgive some more
seventy times seven
will even up the score

my prayers are always with
while you're crying in the night
now battling pain from the inside out
and outside in, with all your might

there are oh so many people
looking through a glass darkly
feeling alone and isolated
wondering how to start-we

think we're the only one
lost in the web of the mind
so we push away, unbelieving
the closest people we find

to the world that is our own
a few have gotten just a glimpse
of what is on the inside
but most of it they've missed

will they truly see the rest
that is hidden deep within?
yes, if given half a chance
to trust enough to begin

the Lord says he's got you
to TRUST, TRUST IN HIM
It's really hard to wait it out
my heart is aching grim

Just know I haven't left you
my heart is right here waiting
hoping that my best friend
will be done with his debating.

---by Anne