We got Pat's test results and they weren't good. Squamous cell carcinoma has matastisized to the bone. His condition has now been elevated to stage 4. The good news is that they caught it right away, but so soon after having completed therapy, suggests that it is aggressive. Aggressive cells apparently can be squelched quicker. He's to have chemo for 5 months every three weeks, with an additional drip that he carries like a fanny pack for five days, the week of the other chemo. Still in a state of shock, I said "It doesn't matter how much I love you or how much I pray, it will never be enough." He said, " I know it's kinda like taking a bag of ice to hell, there just ain't enough to go 'round."

One of the many hard things about dealing with any kind of trauma or illness, is that for everyone else around you--life goes on. They're still posting their blow by blow activities on facebook, narcissism ad nauseam. (going to the store, writing now, going to the bathroom, I'm back etc. etc). I'm not talking about the children and young adults, who have only known this way of communicating. I'm talking about folks our age, who cares? Nobody stops their lives, rallies the troups and surrounds you with their wagon trains. When the support group consists of one, it's hard to block the weaker one from the enemy. I can't take the shot for him, I would if I could. The best I can do is hope. Hope that if my prayers are being answered, maybe it could have been worse. Hope that those cancer bastards are gone-- fait acompli. Hope that we all have the strength to get through another round. Hope that we can concentrate on the good things in life and not to be sucked in to the bad.

and Art , perhaps a little poetry:

So all we can do is embrace the unknown
and help each through the groans
of giving birth to a Holy three ringed circus
being born perhaps, for this very purpose