The above title I stole from one of Pat's poems, that he wrote when he went through the first round of radiation and chemo. It orginally read "My brain is not large enought to destroy the entire world when unfolded" but I couldn't fit it all in the… Read full post »

I recently found this mssion, through an OS member who told us about happynews.com. There, on their health section was a link to Samaritan Ministries International. Basically Members pay an amount that they can afford per month that helps those in need who apply. Below was taken… Read full post »

I started out thinking I would record the battle toward wellness every week, but it's all becoming a blur. The biggest challenge as of late, in believing the healing is at hand, is letting go of any delusion that I had any control over this whole thing. Going… Read full post »

 06/13/11 Please see update here

 08/03/10 After that round of treatment his 2 PET Scans were still clear. But his recent PET scan revealed cancer in 5 spots. He is back on chemo. I can't begin to explain the disorientation, confusion and disbelief I feel having learned this. I can rejoice… Read full post »

Yesterday my employer gave me a blackberry as a sort of perk for a job well done. Last night, my daughter informed me that they watch CNN student after lunch at school, and they said that blackberries in particular cause brain tumors. This lead me to a little research… Read full post »

Felt pen Drawing by Joni Mitchell

After having seen the announcement that Bob Dylan was showing his paintings in Germany, I was reminded of some of the other musicians and philosophers that also had a talent for visual art:

Grace Slick with one of her paintings

Karol… Read full post »

I've been having this nauseous feeling, followed by a burning from the pit of my stomach to the top of my throat. Also, I have been extremely tired. These sort of symptoms should be reserved for those who are undergoing cancer treatment not their caregivers. I had thought that… Read full post »

Day 6 and 7 of last week was the same as day 1 of this week, trying to find anything that Pat could keep down. In times of desperation, one will go to any measures to try to make a loved one comfortable. I went to the… Read full post »

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THE ENEMY

THE AMMUNITION

THE TRENCHES at theBattlefield

GENTLEMAN START YOUR ENGINES

Day 1

This was the first chemo treatment, the second battle. Pat is getting a total of 3 different chemos. Two in the chair in the trenches, and one he's taken home with him, carried… Read full post »

We got Pat's test results and they weren't good. Squamous cell carcinoma has matastisized to the bone. His condition has now been elevated to stage 4. The good news is that they caught it right away, but so soon after having completed therapy, suggests that it is aggressive. Aggressive cells apparent… Read full post »

With two days remaining before we hear the results of the biopsy, and we're still filled with more questions than answers, I decided to reach out to the community. There's so much information out there, each seeming to contradict the other, it is hard to sift through it all. What will… Read full post »

It's 4 am and I have tried in vain to shut out the "don't sleep demons" . Judging from the time of some of these posts, there many who suffer the same ailment. It's that time of night in the wee hours when every doubt and fear comes slithering around your… Read full post »

 This first poem was written in the deepest valley of radiation and cancer treatment, by my dear friend Patrick.

a rope burns my hands
a grip so tight it hurts my fingers
no rope left underneath
i hit the end and i hold the knot

no more hoops to jump
no more… Read full post »

Waiting for biopsy results can be crippling and cruel, much like the chigger bites I have all up my legs, that I got walking through my ex's overgrown grass to collect my daughter. You try to scratch the itch, but the gnawing feeling keeps on coming. You're rendered speechless, trying to… Read full post »

After reading Leslie Rott's blog on Kairol Rosenthal's blog, about intimacy and illness, it really struck a cord.

This weekend has been like many of those weekends when I'm waiting , my friend Pat is waiting, for results. This time after having gone through the first round of… Read full post »

Had I not known him with my own eyes and experience; I wouldn't believe what I am telling you. Patrick is a modern day JOB. At present this man is toothless, missing a leg, is wired, screwed, and scarred--and he hasn't been to war. Not in the traditional sense. As we… Read full post »