60 years of travel on most continents and living in about ten countries, while visiting and revisiting over 125 countries, left me with very very few truly memorable food experiences. In the USA there was a vichyssoise, New Orleans original and a New England clam chowder and one plate of sand dabs. But, in Florida, back in the day, there were Celestial Hamburgers.

 

 

 

CELESTIAL HAMBURGERS

 

Down by the river

Under thatched shack

Burnt out building

Deserted dock

Were once

Hamburgers

 

Without a vote or public poll

They closed her down

Regulatory crime

Inhuman act

Pointlessly punishing

all of us

while quality of life

lost last finger-hold

in Florida

 

Where

Down by the river

Under thatched shack

Burnt out building

Deserted dock

Were once

Celestial hamburgers

 

From Miami to Jacksonville

Forts Lauderdale to Myers

from Key West to Cape Canaveral

twenty-four long months and many hours

we roamed the Sunshine State

spurred on by taste

not gluttony

 

Too much food

served with a smile

Name-tag presentation

Adjectival expectation

“Today's fresh catch”

Colour matched selection

Sauce over specification

Taste rejection

 

Salad too crisp and cold

all texture and bold

No taste

 

Native tomato

bred to extinction

 

Buckets of crabs

boiled to death

 

Steroid steaks

pumped and plumped

 

Mutated frog's legs

fatter than chickens

 

Anatomical oysters

would dwarf a vagina

 

Still no taste

 

The Swiss Cafe

speaks little French

 

At Sushi Blues

the jazz is good

 

Italian trattorias

inflated with pretence

and horrifying expense

 

Chinese Indonesian

Indian and Thai

provide no Floridian solace

for Blue and I

 

But

Down by the river

Under thatched shack

Burnt out building

Deserted dock

There were

Celestial hamburgers

causing a riot

Exquisite excuse

for the US diet

 

Then

sipping

Fresh Florida Orange Juice

made only from Fresh Florida Concentrate

Anita's breast sold citrus milk

Sunrise smile artificial colouring

We hear the news

 

Dirty Harry's Doddi

Eyes

Deep jaw

Maraca queen

No longer

laughs and teases

with fresh small oysters

two dollars a dozen

after ten

And

worse still

Lunch is no more

They closed her down

 

Down by the river

Under thatched shack

Burnt out building

Deserted dock

Where

once were hamburgers

 

Old world

starved tourists

stupefied by choice

mail the lie

“Sunny sky

Love you dear

Food fab

Wish you were here”

 

We don't know why

they always lie

It's pissing with rain

dripping a ring

from their parasol

while lightening jags

in thunder clouds

 

She signs

Right handed with a flourish

Her left explores inside his fly

He has his

far up her thigh

 

He stares

with vacant surfer’s eyes

She sighs

as if she wants to die

 

The witness to this carnal act

stares up from polystyrene plates

A limped mess

of bun and slaw

and Soya meat

that human kind

should never eat.

 

But

Down by the river

Under thatched shack

Burnt out building

Deserted dock

Were once

Celestial hamburgers

 

Causing a riot

Exquisite excuse

for the US diet

 

- Mortagne sur Gironde, 1997

Copyright © Anthony Howarth 1997

Feel free to copy and disseminate with author credit

Do not publish for profit, please!

 

Celestial Hamburgers had nothing to do with fast food or chain hamburgers.

They were from another planet or a better parallel quantum universe.