He's My Little B*tch,

Or

Do "Johns" Have Rights to Good Customer Service?

PHOTO: That's me, as every girl who has ever waited on you and you probably never thought about it, until you met me again as a faux escort.

Recently I wrote a post about Soderbergh's new film "The Girlfriend Experience" because it seems to me when a well-respected director joins the herd of books, shows and movies on escorting that something has changed in how we view prostitution.

Historically prostitution was a profession for a woman who came from a poor family or couldn't land a husband. She was a woman without means. Since women won the right to vote, they have made headway in gaining their independence so they are not dependent on fathers and husbands but themselves. It is only natural with such independence that the desire for sexual freedom would be next.

In a strange twist, the freedoms we have gained as women have led us to a liberty that has put us on par with the prostitute -- we both have sex outside of marriage. Of course, the single girl gives her body in the hopes of a relationship and the prostitute gives her body to get paid, but how many single women who have been used by the men they loved and gave so generously to, think the prostitute is a hell of a lot smarter and having more fun?

PHOTO: Ma bedside Bible. In the kitchen, "Skinny Bitch" cookbook.

I don't know how many women would actually admit this on Open Salon but I have a feeling this is the reason for the popularity of books like "Why Men Love Bitches" to the increasing number of books, shows and films about escorting. Prostitutes have always been around as supporting roles in stories but recently she has been packaged towards women as the main character and her job is just a job that has perks (no 401K or health benefits but exotic travel and shopping sprees) with a tone down on the crappy parts (for the right price he can do whatever he wants to you but of course the clients are all datable looking).

The problem with all of this is that prostitution is not a job, or even a glamorous job, but an illegal act. Whether you believe it should be legal or illegal is irrelevant when the law is prostitution is illegal. I think people forget that because the media portrays prostitution as just another job. Proof the line is blurring is when prostitutes post ads on Craig's List advertising they are willing to commit a crime for cash and their customers respond as if they are making a purchase at Best Buy instead of committing a crime. Even drug dealers and 'out of their mind' addicts have the good sense not to advertise on Craig's List.

What inspired this post is that as a woman without means to pay for college and watching so many other women turn to the sex trade because they couldn't survive on waitressing, assisting, nannying, retail and other low level jobs to pay for college and rent (if only life as a young Angelino was like the reality show "The Hills" just as Manhattan probably laughs when they see "The City"), a group of my friends, who thought the sex trade was a pretty shitty option to pay for college when parents bail and grants and loans are not enough, sought to find a loophole in the mostly male-managed sex trade and take advantage of it.

                                        PHOTO: My Homeboy Jesus votes "No."

We offer 'The Girlfriend Experience' and we charge the same rate as a prostitute but we don't massage, strip or have sex. Men are so use to getting sex that when we refuse them obviously they get upset and we don't get a lot of repeat business. Fortunately, our office gets so many calls that losing customers doesn't affect us one way or the other. The nonrefundable $2,000 an hour is standard and we go out of our way to be the perfect date but, like Best Buy, we wouldn't do anything illegal in the name of good customer service. Johns have rights but no more than they would have at any other business.

Needless to say, my earlier post received plenty of interesting mail. From what do I 'think of straight guys with girlfriends escorting with married men who want gay sex but the escorts aren't gay and to say so is insulting' to 'stealing from johns is like the justifications of a serial killer' and all I can say is I have never seen such a lack of humor about tail. I enjoyed it when all the service guys of the world wanted to blow up the credit card companies in "Fight Club" so what is wrong with a bunch of service girls blowing up the rules of prostitution? Wanting to throw off the shackles of the human condition is not gender specific so why is he praised and she is reviled? Ah, he is male and therefore still more important.

PHOTO: Ma bag 'cuz even a cold-hearted bitch has a wicked sense of humor.

To my dear, arrogant, self-important johns of the world, the takers, the users, the guys who never tip strippers or after running your waitress, forgot to give your Girl Friday a raise or fired her for a newer face, mentored the guy and forgot about the girl intern who trained him, the cop or judge who threw the book at her because she looks like that girl who blew you off in high school, promoted him because he was like you and not her because she was scary smart, slept with a girl who liked you and lied that you were going to call her, cheated on your partner and then told her she was crazy to suspect it, called a woman a 'cunt' in public over something as trivial as a parking spot, hit a woman because you are stronger, voted against women or children's rights because you could not because it was right, are in someway responsible for this shitty economy because you were greedy, or do one of the millions of things that, as one Open Salon post so aptly put it, made "Women Are Niggers of the World," then this woman, some have called unfit for responsibility with the ethics of a serial killer, has stood up instead of lying down, used her head instead of her body, operates for her well-being instead of your approval, is happy you have entered her world so she can return the favor, what an adrenaline rush it is to work you for a change and leave you wanting.

This, dear johns, patrons of my college education, is exactly what you are entitled to. I thank you in advance for your understanding.

xx