I realize you’ve left me for the best of reasons:  yourself.  I hope you’ve chosen what you really want and that you get it and that, when you get it, it really is what you want.

My heart, settled now and turning to crafty tricks, wants me to go to your… Read full post »

I am sitting at our spot by the lake, which will never be just my hidey-hole again.  My cigarette tasted awful because of the Champix.  I’m trying to quit a lot of things these days.

Champix makes me dream the strangest dreams, from being approached by the cutest kitten in the… Read full post »

Should I continue to pursue you in my half-assed way?  I send you later. 

You tell me you’re going to try to work things out with her and need to give it a genuine effort.  I understand this.  It’s what I’ve been saying about my marriage since the beginning.&nbs… Read full post »

A big red X appears when I send you a text, and again the next time I try.  This has happened before, but eventually I get a bad feeling and call you.  We’ll meet later, we agree.  You send me a text:  Good morning.  I reply:  Here I am.  I c… Read full post »

I read somewhere that adultery is still on the increase, and some bright spark is suggesting that it's because of electronic communications.  No shit, Sherlock.  Passing notes has been the ultimate foreplay since Grade 7.

Now we can do it in RGB, with 12 second lag.

When I walked up your driveway for the first time it was like accelerating down a runway.  Every step left a little gravity behind.  There you were, smoking in the dim light, waiting for me.

Your arms went around me and your tongue was in my mouth.  The ground fell away beneath… Read full post »

You touched my hair.

 You told me later that this was your litmus test.  We were parked side by side smoking in your truck, down there in my hidey-hole on the waterfront, talking aimlessly as we did sometimes, and you saw me sad, and you touched my hair.

I remember looking up… Read full post »

I've looked back over all of the things I've written but I can't identify a single moment when the balance tipped from "tolerable" to "not at all tolerable." 

I remember a discussion in November about how frustrated I was with your refusal to take initiative.  I remember you telling m… Read full post »

Before the Diesels went away I spent a day among the mice, fixing the insulation in the attic and installing new vent caps.  Daddy patiently passed bats up from below and shouted instructions when I wasn't sure what to do, and Momma walked around with a paint scraper pulling up tiles i… Read full post »

WOW.

Until we moved in together I had no idea that innocuous word would have such a big impact on my life.  "WOW," in block caps, was an expression of extreme pleasure, of surprise, of expectations exceeded.

I remember packing your apartment.  Much as I complained, it wasn't that much… Read full post »

One day I found myself staring through a rusty gate at a piece of property a friend had told me about.  I put my hand out in front of me, tilting it to cover up the house and the country junkyard around it, so all I saw was rolling grass, gentle… Read full post »

The difference between dissatisfied and unsatisfied:

Unsatisfied:  not getting what you want.
Dissatisfied:  not wanting what you got. Read full post »

I loved being a foster mom.  Raising ten puppies was an experience I'll never forget, and would repeat again in a heartbeat.  I know it was my idea and that I'd asked you if we could take them, and I know it was another of those things you hadn't really bought… Read full post »

Early in the morning the day after the wedding we flew off hand in hand for the sunny south and the grand tour of my old heart-home.  It was supposed to be a growing-together for us:  me showing you the place where my soul formed into the grownup person you'd just said… Read full post »

We were both better-looking once; youth is Nature's hottest accessory. 

I remember him at the first:  runner's legs, short denim cutoffs and hiking boots, curly waist-length hair the envy of every girl he met.  He had a nose invented for looking down it and could project hum… Read full post »

We've known each other since I was 18 and he was 20 and we were freshmen together.  That should have been the first indicator:  I started university a year earlier than most people; he started a year later.  No matter; he was cute and I was awkward and we were friends… Read full post »