Mon Petit Blog

FEBRUARY 13, 2012 10:13PM

A Valentine from Adele’s Ex-Boyfriend

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Hey, Kid.


It’s been a while since we chatted but I figured I had to send you congratulations after your big night. No I haven’t forgotten about you, how could I? Not every guy gets to be reminded of “the scars of their love” and how they “could have had it all” at least once a day by listening to a radio. Or even reading the news on the web. That Saturday Night Live sketch about “Someone Like You” (Which, along with the rest of the tracks on 21 were written about me!) has been linked everywhere. Hell, you’re even on network TV blushing with the likes of Anderson Cooper. How does your current squeeze feel about you jollying up with him? Not too intimidated, I hope. Not that I would be.


I’m happy for you though, honestly. For your music - how it’s touched so many people around the world and found almost universal appreciation - and your success, I’m sure your mum must be very proud. Honestly it’s hard for me to listen to your songs sometimes. It’s not easy feeling like the most vilified man in popular music right now. Perhaps it’s similar to how Helen of Troy (The Face Who Launched A Thousand Ships) felt. I’m the man who launched over six million album copies. Much better than a ten-year war, I suppose. Now I get to join the pantheon of ex-squeezes of artists immortalized in song. And I’m grateful to you for protecting my identity while promoting your album. (But lord knows I don’t leave my trash out by the curb in case those tabloid journalists ever get wise.)


Above all, I’m thankful your surgery was a success and you didn’t wind up with a set of busted pipes, like Julie Andrews. Twenty three is too young to retire a talent such as yours. And I’m glad you’ve reached a point in your life where your self confidence doesn’t allow you to tolerate the prattle of idiots joking about your weight. You’re a sexy minx and a fire cracker of personality to boot. You’re not the kind of professional who succumbs to cheap gimmicks. Your talent is your ultimate strength and that’s all that should really count in any business as far as I’m concerned.


So cheers to you, kid. I hope to see you around soon. It’s hard for me to regret our “memories made” considering it worked out so well. For you at least.   

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valentines, grammys, adele

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Every ex should write a letter like this and we wouldn't have so many problems in this world.

Great to see you here again. A great Valentine's Day to you and yours.
Thanks, Mary! I have no idea what the actual man in question might write, but I've heard rumors that they are still "friends". It's a combination of the kind of fantasy letter I would like to receive plus the kind of letter I think Adele deserves.
Till yesterday I hadn't heard of her but I've picked up enough to enjoy this wry post aqua.