One of my sisters called me today, very depressed and not seeing the point of life. Being a good big sister, I unloaded my best platitudes on her and hoped that one of them worked. It's interesting that I usually need to hear this advice as much as she does. So I'm repeating it here so I can take it in, myself. 

You are not stuck. You have lots of choices. You can stop the thing/job/relationship that you are in the middle of and do something else. Starting today, if necessary. Even if you need time to transition, you can start making plans.

Your job is not to save the planet or make everything right for everyone else. Your job is to make yourself happy, and take care of yourself. If you've gotten roped into fixing things for someone else, and it's wearing you out, start looking for the things that make you happy and formulate a plan to do those things.  

Try not to spend too much time watching or reading the news. It's depressing, and you can't do anything to change it. But you don't have to. Remember, that's not your job, your job is to make yourself happy, and that is the only thing you have control over.  

Make lists. Make lots of lists.  Make lists of things you would feel great about devoting your life to. Be specific. Don't put down World Peace. Put down More Bike Trails or Clean Up My Street. Whatever would make a difference in YOUR world. Make a list of places you'd like to visit and places you'd like to live. Make a list of jobs that might be fun to do. Don't do anything with these lists yet, just fill them up and feel yourself get interested, even excited about what might come next. 

If a relationship or a job isn't working out anymore, don't feel defeated because it didn't last. Nothing is forever, and the whole fairy-tale ending thing "And they lived happily ever after" is bullshit. Life is a succession of experiences, relationships and efforts. It's not easy, but it's ever-changing so you get new chances all the time to do something else. Life is a journey, not a destination, so treat it like a Grand Tour. Make a list of all the experiences you want to have and then make your life about achieving them. 

Don't cut yourself off from people, and depend on one person (your SO) to make you happy. That does lead to isolation and a feeling of being cornered. Friends will always help you to get free and give advice, directions, ideas, and sometimes places to stay and resources to keep you going. The more friends, the more resources. But no one person can make your life worthwhile; that's your job. 

Try to get away for a short time, even if it's just taking afternoons off to sit in the park or the library, and make these plans. Even better is a week in another town, maybe one you'd like to move to. Getting away from the routine helps you to think clearly; a change of scenery can change  your thinking about things. Imagine what other people are doing with their life and see if any of it is intriguing. 

 When something in your lists starts to stick in your head, and you think you want to go in that direction, ask someone to help you formulate your plans, like a coach. That will keep you from getting stuck, and you will have the advantage of two heads. Or get several coaches for different aspects of your plan. Just be sure that you don't do it all by yourself. 

Don't burn any bridges, but start to put dates on your plans. "By this date, I'll decide on a new city, by this date, I'll have an apartment rented, by this date, I'll take this new class," etc. You can always change your schedule, but at least you have a structure and some deadlines for research. 

Money and jobs are scarce now, no doubt about it. But there are people in your life who will help, and even if you don't get the exact situation you wanted, you can still move closer to your ideal and you can definitely make a change in your current arrangements. Most importantly, ask for help. Believe it or not, people want to help you, and will find some way to get you started on your new journey. Even the person you are leaving behind might help you, if you can communicate how the change will make you so much happier.

If you can make even a small change in your life by taking these steps, you'll be going in the right direction and you'll gain confidence in your own ability to control your life. If you can get yourself un-stuck now, you never have to find yourself in a dead-end situation again. I know you can do it!

 And call me anytime. I'm here for you.

(Hey, I haven't heard back from you. Call and let me know how you are doing.)