Arlene Green

Arlene Green
Clearlake, California, USA
January 08
Geek girl, mother of more children than human beings should be allowed, owner of a snake named Plissken, several dogs, a plethora of cats, easily annoyed, easily overjoyed, will work for books.


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Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 22, 2008 7:44AM

Reality Check: Shoplifting, Drunks and Whining

Dear Arlene,

Last night, my son told me that his best friend had gotten arrested yesterday, for shoplifting when my son was with him. My son is under 18, however his friend just turned 18 in June. My son says he had not shoplifted yesterday, however he admitted to me
Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 20, 2008 4:37AM

Reality Check: My Mother is Hearing Things

Dear Arlene,

My mom, who is 71 and a widow, seems to be going crazy. She moved here near me when her husband died almost 3 years ago. Up until then I didn't have a lot of contact with her for about 17 years. Her husband liked her toRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 12, 2008 3:56AM

Reality Check: I'm Having Sex With Someone Else in My Head

Dear Arlene,

Recently I've been dreaming about an old boyfriend. Not just dreaming, having full on passionate sex with him in my dreams. Which isn't so bad I guess. I don't have any control over my dreams. I'm worried because I've also started fantasizing about him while having sex with myRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 12, 2008 12:57AM

In Defense of Video Games

About every other week I read something that suggests that video games are a bad, bad thing. That too much exposure to them will rot childish brains. Parents and the people that like to tell parents what they should be doing seem to consider video games the crack cocaine of recreational… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 1, 2008 2:24AM

The Old Lady Brigade

When I was a very young mother I used to encounter what Ayun Halliday has dubbed The Old Lady Brigade. They were rude, opinionated and more than a bit bullying. They wore polyester and had blue rinses. When they weren't telling me how under dressed or overdressed my kidsRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 1, 2008 1:34AM

Reality Check: To Baby Or Not To Baby.

Dear Arlene,

I have been dating the same woman for 8 years and I want to ask her to marry me but we have a problem. When we first got together neither one of us wanted children but as I've gotten older I've changed my mind. I want a child nowRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
JULY 29, 2008 7:50PM

Reality Check: Bisexual Husbands and Lost Passwords

Dear Arlene,

I've been married for a year and my husband has just confessed to me that he is bi-sexual. I'm very confused about what I should do now. My best friend says that I should leave him because he going to put me in danger of contracting HIV. I love him
Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JULY 25, 2008 8:00PM

Reality Check: Is My Boyfriend Lying To Me?

Dear Arlene,

I think my boyfriend is lying to me. He told me that he was going to help his friend fix his porch but when I drove by they weren't on the porch and nothing on the porch that is normally there had been moved. I waited an hourRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
JULY 24, 2008 3:10AM

The Ever Elusive Orgasm

I discovered orgasms at a very young age. I never realized how fortunate I was in that. By the time I was 8 or 9 I rode the white pony with regularity. And when we moved into the new house when I was in the 5th grade and I found, hidden… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JULY 21, 2008 4:20PM

Teaching Them To Think

One of the most important jobs of a parent is to teach their children to think. Many  parents are confused about this and believe this means you are to teach them to think just like you do. They are wrong.  You find this mindset amongst people who send their… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JULY 19, 2008 12:42AM

Cooking for the Barbarian Horde

What with the Rachel Ray smackdown, I started thinking, what is it about her that sets me off, really? It is true she's perky and I hate perky. Perky, even when it isn't, always seems fake to me. And no one is perky all the time so people who/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JULY 18, 2008 1:34AM

The Collector

I actually started this post about a week ago and then never got around to finishing it. I'm finishing it tonight. Things have come to a head. Changes are going to be made. Even if I have to drag my husband kicking and screaming into the Century of the… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JULY 17, 2008 4:31PM

Family Outsourcing

I should know better than to give my family tech advice. I really should. It all starts way back when I was the only person in the family that even had a computer and my dad asked me if he should get a Mac or a PC and I… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JULY 10, 2008 2:32AM

Mother Nature BDSM Top

A comment by Neil Paul on the piece Make Love, Not Measles, Jenny Mcarthy by Dr. Rahul Parikh struck me last night. It stuck with me all night and kept popping into my head uninvited today. It isn't a particularly controversial observation. Just a/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JULY 2, 2008 7:55AM

Beauty and Revenge in Alaska

Alaska's Copper River Basin where the O'Brien creek feeds into the Copper River is some of the most treacherous, wild, beautiful country in the world. You can take a picture of it like this one:

Chitina_dipnet (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Chitina_dipnet.jpg)

But it only tells half the story. It… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 30, 2008 5:31AM

Ring of Fire

I remember my childhood 4th of July celebrations fondly. Mostly because my father turned into a kid himself for that one day when he was able to blow things up.

Dad is a bit of a pyro. Case in point, last summer when my older boys went to… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 29, 2008 12:03AM

Babes Rush In

I'm not sure how it came to be that I became Clearlake's unofficial birth coach for young mothers. I didn't exactly apply for the position. It just kind of happened. It might have started with my young friend Desiree. Desiree knows everyone in this town and she was so… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 24, 2008 5:09AM

Hormones With Feet

Teen sexuality is a scary topic for a lot of parents. It is also the one topic where you will find crazy levels of denial when you talk to them. Parents don't want to think about their kids and sex. Sex is something that will come later, when they… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 22, 2008 5:00PM

The Michelle Potential

There are two jobs someone can hold that I wouldn't want to have to play supportive spouse to. One is preacher and the other is politician. They both live in a fishbowl and people live to pull them down. Michelle Obama is now in the position of having… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 18, 2008 3:30AM

Alyssa the Terrible

Alyssa was born under less than ideal circumstances. Her mother, Cara, is an old girlfriend of one of my sons. When she was 18 she fell pregnant. She'd had sex exactly one time. I know this because she asked me worry filling her big brown eyes "Ummmm, Arlene,… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 17, 2008 3:48AM

Where the Old People Go

A friend of mine will likely be going into a nursing home. Which depresses me. I don't like nursing homes. I worked in one once, and while it wasn't the worst place in the world, it wasn't great either. Things happened while I was there that I'll never forget. I… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 13, 2008 6:21PM

Jeffy Goes to the Farm

My dad takes great delight in telling stories about my childhood's less than stellar moments. He always has. For some reason he seems to think that the time I dressed my sister up as a ragamuffin and had her selling wildflower bunches door to door to make some cash… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 11, 2008 11:25AM

Puberty and The Great Escape

When my oldest son was a newborn my friend Emma, who was in the parenting teens stage of life, looked at my son and told him, "Your mama ought to stick you in a little box so you never hit 13."

I was slightly horrified by this at the/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 8, 2008 5:52PM

Graduation Season



It is graduation season again. I hate graduation season. It is an excuse for administrators, without any public speaking talent whasoever, to assemble a captive audience and bore us all to tears with motivational and inspirational speechifying.

It wouldn't be so bad if it were… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 4, 2008 4:51AM

Life Is Too Short

I first met Debbie when my child chopped his ear off. No, he wasn't going to mail it off to someone. He was 5 and running through the mostly empty house that we were moving into, shrieking with glee. One of our dogs thought this was a signal… Read full post »