I am terribly worried that Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher might get divorced. There have been reports in the press that Ashton has been seeing other women on the side, which seems impossible to believe, especially in a case where the wife is much older than the husband.
This isn't the first major crisis for the beautiful couple. As you may recall, soon after their marriage Demi narrowly escaped a charge of incest, brought by a zealous prosecutor on the grounds that Ashton might actually be her son. The persecuted pair also had to endure charges of child abuse, after Demi was seen playfully slapping Ashton on the bottom after he got off a swing at a playground near their home.
As you can tell from all the headlines, it really is extremely important to vast numbers of people whether Demi and Ashton remain married. Just today I was waiting in line at a supermarket, and the ladies behind me were discussing the matter, and both of them were overwrought, and tearfully referred to the couple by their first names. Happily I was up on the news, and was able to follow their cryptic conversation.
I happen to know that one of these ladies recently was widowed, and the other has been searching for her runaway 14-year-old daughter. Both of them have borne up stoically under their personal problems, but they seemed completely overcome about the status of the Moore-Kutcher marriage.
They seemed particularly concerned about Demi's prospects for future romantic liaisons. She is too old for any man who wants lots of kids, so that rules out Brad Pitt, whom the ladies referred to simply as Brad. One of them was vulgar enough to suggest that she might seek revenge against Ashton by singling out some younger celebrity to replace him.
Neither of them could think, offhand, of any other celebrity younger than Ashton, but it did occur to me that the guardians of Justin Bieber had better be on their guard if Demi innocently comes calling.