AUGUST 15, 2012 3:46PM

A Granddaughter Speaks

Rate: 18 Flag


What follows is the eulogy my daughter read at her Grandma's service last week. When I got divorced in 1998, my mom stepped in to help. Angilese was 10 at the time. 

I’m not sure why, but whenever I’ve missed my grandma I always picture her hands.  I’ve always thought there was something poetic about them.  How those knobby, speckled, arthritic things could move with such grace.  The soft, paper-thin skin stretched over bone that could deliver such comfort.  They seemed to be the medium from which she poured so much inspiration, teachings, and love into me.  She passed on so much through those hands; I know I won’t get by long without being reminded of her in some way.  The sugar cookies we used to bake together will taste like her.  Crocheted yarn will feel like her. Dusty barns and horses will smell like her.  And for a long time, I know I will hear her voice when I see a picture of her, I hope I always do.


My grandma was the type of person that made friends and had admirers everywhere she went. It was absolutely impossible not to admire and love her. She was stubborn, strong-willed, and accomplished whatever she set out to do without looking back, and I thoroughly believe that her kindness is the type of kindness that could change the world, because she wasn’t prideful and she rarely thought of only herself. She inspired me and gave me the strength to push the limits of my comfort zone. She always gave me gentle nudges towards accepting and embracing my own uniqueness and her unconditional love laid the bricks of my foundation.


Never judgmental of others or speaking unkindly, she didn’t know how to be heartless; wasn’t capable of it. She shared her insightful wisdom without hesitation and in such a way that reassured yet conveyed her thoughts. It seems to me now, that she was the perfect balance of strength and gentleness.


When I think about all the wondrous ways she impacted my life and apply that to how she could have touched the lives of everyone else the product is mind blowing.  My Grandma will live on in the hearts, minds, and teachings of all whom she has mentored and taught. She will forever inspire in me compassion where there is need of it, forgiveness where there has been hurt, and an empathetic ear to understand and comfort.

By Angilese


 This picture was taken 3 days before my mom passed. At the time, I had a foreboding sensation that it would be the last picture.

2012-07-17 16


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love, death, loss, memories

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Three beautiful women.
Asia, wonderful grandmothers like her always are missed so profoundly. Thank you for sharing your daughter's special eulogy and sympathies going out to all of you.
Beautiful. I have photo camera 'shots' of my Mother's Hands.
No tell? My Grandmother Loved ` Louie. Lewis. Louie That:
Lewis was the Great Baltimore Journalist. Ay good Muckraker.
H. L. Mencken - Henry Louis Mencken `The American Culture'
I gathered up old eulogy hymns to Cheer me up. Beautiful. Yes.

Carolyn Maria Donlan - Deceased - What Great Recollections.
My GrandMother was - Feisty-Kind- Witty. Anti-Lies & Hates.
I miss Her. I harbor Fond Memory-Wonder-Full. O Gratitude.
My children have lost both of their grandmothers in the past six months. This is lovely and I too am very sorry for your loss.
What a great kid. My condolences to the both of you.
Tears, tears.... how sorry I am. Love is so beautiful....
jmac, thank you, you're a peach. ;)

designanator, thank you and you're welcome. It's literally been almost 4 weeks since she passed and it still feels so raw. "Missed so profoundly", yes.

Art, interesting you should say that about your mother's hands. I would just stare at her hands, especially after she was admitted and had all the bands on her tiny wrists.

nilesite, loss is part of life, but when it's your loss, its just so much more tactile. I too am sorry for your family's loss.

Firechick, I second that! And thank you.
Brazen Princess, love IS so beautiful! And the risk of loving deeply is the eventual loss, but how wonderful it is while we have it.
So sorry for your loss. A beautiful photo. Your daughter is a gifted writer./r
R... was lovely hearing this from her own lips... then she broke down a little, and that killed me.
It was an extremely lovely service, and a fine trip all in all - - for the soul, you know baby?
Christine, thank you. I will send her a link in a day or two so she can see the comments.

trig, I was so proud of her that she got through it and when I read it, it's her voice I hear.

The service was simple and perfect. I wouldn't have changed anything about our trip.
Oh wow. What an amazing way with words - writing a eulogy is a touch practice, to try to convey what a person many to you, to the world, to contain it into the limits that words are. She did an amazing job - (so did her mom) (and hers.) R
There must not have been a dry eye at the service during this.

Your momma was beautiful, even three days before she passed. Such lovely eyes, and I recognize her from the painting. She took her glasses off for the picture. My mom used to do that too.
Your daughter is gorgeous. Your mother was beautiful, too. It's easy to see where you get your beauty. So sorry for your loss. The world is a diminished place every time a mother dies somewhere.
Jeez - I just reread my comment and couldn't understand what i wrote because of autocorrect.

This is what I meant to type: Oh wow. What an amazing way with words - writing a eulogy is a tough practice, to try to convey what a person meant to you, to the world, to contain it into the limits that words are. She did an amazing job - (so did her mom) (and hers.) R
Hi Jamie, the meaning was conveyed! Thank you very much.

greenheron, the service was just what she would have wanted. Simple and with several people coming forward and sharing their memories. Even one of her former dance students from the early 70s spoke. Both of my kids spoke, my daughter had her's written out and yes, there were tears. Then my son got up and said something impromptu, managing to make several folks laugh out loud, that was priceless too!
Oh wow Deborah, I love that, "The world is a diminished place every time a mother dies somewhere." Thank you.
Asia... there you are between the soul of your mother and soul of your daughter. You know it is in you too, that compassion and strength. It didn't skip a beat, or a generation. What a beautiful soul you have raised. What a beautiful soul you have bid farewell. And what a beautiful soul inside yourself you are nurturing. It's all the same soul, really. xox ~r for reincarnation
I feel a loss just from never having known your mom. She was an extraordinary person, and clearly, she passed it on.
Wow What a beautiful eulogy. I can feel the love. Wonderful and thanks for sharing. I needed to read this today.
Your daughter outdid herself, that is simply beautiful writing and even more beautiful thoughts. Wishing the best for you and yours.
Emily, you are a rare find of a friend. I've been blessed beyond measure to have the mother that I did. I feel I was blind though, not seeing the magnitude of my blessing until after her passing, but fortunate to realize it's never too late to honor her memory.

Sirenita, thank you. I did start to type you a big long ol' email and its stuck in my drafts. I wish you could have meet her. She would have liked you.

Zanelle, thanks for popping in. We do need these types of reads, they balance us and help us to appreciate life and beauty.

Nana, thank you, I think so too.
What an amazing tribute your daughter has written for an amazing woman, something to be treasured and passed on to her children. So many kids don't know their grandparents or aren't close to them. Your daughter was truly blessed and you are too of course, to have had a mother like that. Ironically, when my husband died in 2000 my mother also stepped in to help and my older daughter was also 10 at the time.

She was such a workhorse all her life and now she's 75 and fragile but still goes strong. Sometimes when I get a message from her on my phone I hesitate before I delete it.
Angilese did a great job with her eulogy. I'm sure there wasn't a dry eye in the place. The photo is so telling of the love between. I'm glad you have it, Asia.
my daughter also spoke at her grandmother's memorial and wrote her obituary. i understand both how delighted you are at the connection your mother and your daughter had and how painful it is when it ends in death. i'm so terribly sorry for your family's loss, asia.
So sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful piece.
Margaret, just found several messages in my deleted file from my mom and un-deleted them. And thank you. We learn so much about a person in death, I wish I'd have understood better and honored her while she was still with me.

Scarlett, I think more than a few choked up when she read her piece. Then my son went up and told a few stories that had them laughing. He was so relaxed and composed.

Candace, because we lived together and I had to be a bit of a caretaker the last year, we became quite close. It made losing her that much more wretched, but I wouldn't have changed things.

Rob, thanks much.
This is a fine tribute and so eloquent from someone so young. You've been blessed.
I lost my father in July, it is beautiful they way our children honor their grandparents. My 10 year old stood in front of every one at my Dad's celebration and read a bible verse and then told of what a wonderful Papa he had. Your daughter's tribute to her grandmother was beautiful.