Dick Cheney received a transplanted heart today. Reportedly, he watched the television news from his hospital bed, saw that a puppy had been rescued from a burning house, and felt something odd flutter. "I have this strange warm feeling," he reportedly told his nurse. "I'm glad they saved that little dog."
Several of his neo-con friends have visited the hospital, and huddled later in the reception area. "Do you think he could have gotten a liberal's heart?" one asked nervously.
Reportedly, Cheney asked if Iran had been bombed yet, and said something about the horrors of war. When asked how long he had been out of surgery, and what narcotics he was on, his physician said that he was doing very well and his recovery was on track, although transplant patients need to take a complicated regimen of medications, sometimes up to 40 different prescriptions. "Could that mixture cause delirium?" Rumsfeld was reported to have asked.
Cheney also murmured something about the benefits of health care, and how grateful he was for the skill of of the surgeons. "Are transplants covered for everyone under health care reform? Has the Supreme Court heard the arguments against affordable health care yet?"
"You mean Obamacare?" Wolfowitz asked.
Family and friends have expressed their gratitude to the medical team, and to well-wishers, but have requested that news outlets not request any further information until Mr. Cheney has had the opportunity to fully recover.