Today, I left my son by the side of the road in the pouring rain.  I withdrew the offer of a car, money and support.  I am still reeling from the decision.

After much deliberation and uncertainty, my husband and I had decided to give my son our old spare car and the reimbursed tuition money received from the University after his withdrawal.  Today, before leaving for a new job training, I set out to pick up my son at his dorm-apartment to bring him home to give him the car.    As he got into the car, we chatted for a moment, and I decided to let him know that I had an envelope for him containing the University's check.  It was his - no strings attached.  It was our way, of giving him a small start to independence - the rest was up to him.

After driving along for about 5 minutes, I still needed to settle the matter of his dorm.  What were our total obligations - where were we in the process of extricating ourselves from the agreement.  He hemmed and hawed and became extremely agitated -- telling me that he was in the process of "settling the matter."  As parents and guarantors, I needed just a little more information.  I told him that I understand he was trying to work things out, my question was " what are we liable for -- what obligation do we have under the lease?"  At this he became extremely pissed and began ranting and raving  - waving his arms and telling me that he was not prepared to answer these questions.  As his rantings continued, he became increasingly irrate and verbally abusive.  He said if I didn't quit questioning him, he wanted out of the car. 

I tried to reason with him.  I was not putting him on the spot, assessing blame or even trying to make him feel bad.  I just asked a question regarding a situation for which his father and I are financially liable.

As the communication escalated.  We both simultaneously decided that he needed to get out of the car.  I'm afraid I did the unthinkable and I told him to fuck himself and that if couldn't be either respectful or grateful, he wasn't getting the car or the money.  At that, I deposited him at the side of the frontage road in the pouring rain.

I returned to the housing office and learned that he had just that day submitted his paperwork to withdraw from his apt., and that we were liable until May.  The representative felt we would had accentuating circumstances since he withdrew from the university, and would have to just pay a penalty.

I planned to follow up with the appropriate party via email and headed home after adjusting the paperwork somewhat.  On the way home, I saw my son walking back to his dorm on the side of the road and although tempted, did not stop.  I wanted to stop, I wanted to make it all right, but could not bring myself to do so.

Unless he hits rock bottom, he will never be appreciative of all of the love and support he has at his disposal.  He will continue on with his feelings of entitlement which will not take him anywhere in life.  My one regret is that I told him "fuck you".   I should never have let my anger and resentment take me to that place. 

I think he needs to figure out his priorities.  He is acting like a child who throws a tantrum when someone changes the rules of a game.  He is too stubborn to just suck it up and graciously take the hand-out.  He could've gotten a break.  He could have nodded gratefully and still done his own thing.   So, we are backing away.   I love him and forgive him for his actions - but I am no longer going to be a victim to his abusive tirades.  He can either learn to function in the real world and acquire the skills necessary to co-exist or not.  Right now -- he's the only one that has control over that. 

I guess we will just have to see where the road takes us...